AIBU to think this is too much for just a 14th birthday?

[Jenny2468]

(Sorry it's a long one)
So my daughter is 14 and she has been invited to a party, four of her friends have birthdays near each other so they are having it jointly. Now, this has been going on for weeks, yet it will happen in over a month from now, with the four birthday girls acting like it is the biggest event on Earth.
Today, she got a letter from one of them at school:

You have been invited to our birthday party, it is at (time) and (place) there is a dress code, formal wear, mainly skin-tight dresses. You must pay for your own meal and bring money for the arcade, we will buy you one milkshake.
If you don't come in nice clothes, have messy hair, bring us cheap presents, annoy us before or during the party or have no presents for all of us, we will send you home on the bus.
Please sign this sheet and give to us.

Luckily my daughter is thick skinned, as I think this can be upsetting for some children. But my daughter found it funny.
The restaurant is £35, then there's 4 presents (that can't be cheap apparently) then she needs to buy a skin-tight dress. She has decided she won't go.

Am I overreacting in thinking it is so extreme, or do most kids do this at this age?

This type of stuff goes on. I teach girls of this age. Well done on raising a daughter that knows her own mind.
'Skintight dresses' where they going to fit the milkshake?
It's the Kardashian effect. It will go away eventually

I'd be upset if my DD wanted to go to a party with an invitation like that. We'll done to your DD, OP for refusing to give into peer pressure.

Lol Well done your DD.

OP, the party isn't today is it?

My newly 15yo cousin has been sharing pictures today of what looks like a party, full of teenagers, in tight dresses...

It's fully creepy

No the party is around a month away. I guess lots of teenage girls like this sort of thing!

OP said the party is still a month away.

If she is very thick skinned she should go and rip the piss out of it. Dressed as wurzel gummidge. With hair like Helena Bonham Carter's after she's just woken up in a field after a week long festival. Bringing the cheapest, crappiest presents possible ("I got this Toblerone in the pound shop and split it in four, one quarter each, you're welcome"). Explain that she's not going to stay for the restaurant or the arcades, annoy them with a few disparaging remarks about the skintight dresses and ask if she can just have her milkshake now please, it's OK she brought money for her bus ticket home. Then laugh heartily and roar, "Goodbye Porpoise Spit" as she stalks off :-)

who do they think they are-if u turn up messy we'll send u home

what a bunch of bitches

id be inclined to tell the parents how inappropriate their wording is

I have a 14yo DD. I can half-believe the sense of humour conveyed, though I think DD would die/fume if she was holding a joint party & co-party-host sent that out thinking it was funny.

"Skintight dress" part is making me .
What bus is there to send folk home on?

A lot of girls look lousy in a skintight dress & would refuse to wear much less buy one. How can anyone spec that as dress code?? Is this in London or a Naice area??

"Formal wear" Skin tight dresses ......to hang out at the arcade ?

How very sophisticated

Has anyone put this invitation on social media yet ? They really should :D

Is this in London or a Naice area??

London doesn't have naice areas -like Chelsea ........ ?

I think the arcade kind of gives away it's not exactly Weybridge ;)

lijkk I don't see anything funny in that invitation. It conveys self-centredness, greed, bitchiness - not a sense of humour.

Maybe they mean Burlington Arcade

Look a bit out of place there in the skin tight dresses but yeah maybe LOL

It is in London, croydon in fact. Yes skintight dresses in an arcade in croydon!

Just asked a teen (17) for their perspective.

Verdict: "Fuck that, no way"

Good on your DD, wouldn't it be great if nobody went?

What a fantastic daughter you have! You've clearly done a great job raising her.

Your DD sounds like a strong-minded person who knows peer pressure is there to be dealt with, not given in to. What a star she is, and what a great mum you must be.

Those four girls are just ridiculous. My DD is now 15 - we had a biggish do for her 15th, cinema visit, meal out, I had to rent a 7 seater to accommodate them all. It came to over £300. And you know what, the girls she invited were all massively appreciative, for some of them it was the first time they had a meal in a 'proper' restaurant (i.e. not fast food) and it was a great night out. Your DD deserves friends like that, not these Valley Girl wannabes.

I could understand them getting overexcited about their party but it's totally OTT to insist guests wear skin tight dresses (what if they have body image issues) and spend what could easily be £100+ on outfit, restaurant, arcade, 4 expensive presents etc! They sound like a mean girls clique/cliché who can't wait to exclude someone for looking wrong, bringing the wrong present, or annoying them (which they've left deliberately ambiguous so they get the power trip of kicking someone out of the party even if everyone tries to adhere to their ridiculous rules). Your DD sounds sensible and mature to decline the invitation instead of getting dragged into their drama. They can only play these games if people play along.

Sounds like someone wants a super sweet 16 type birthday affair on a paper round budget.

I'm imagining them as either the plastics from Mean Girls, or the fashion club from Daria. Neither is flattering!

13 year DD's reaction: not worth being friends with, those are the worst kind of people. Hello, skin tight dress?

She said that she would think that her friends had lost their minds if they sent something like this.

All said in the most scathing tones. I won't put down the rest that she said.

They are going to look incredibly stupid dressed up to the nines and hanging out in an arcade .....especially in Croydon where they are pretty manky (yes I do know the area very well I grew up 3 miles from there so mis-spent a fair amount of my teen years there).

Really can't see anyone accepting invite. Place marking.