AIBU to think this is too much for just a 14th birthday?

[Jenny2468]

(Sorry it's a long one)
So my daughter is 14 and she has been invited to a party, four of her friends have birthdays near each other so they are having it jointly. Now, this has been going on for weeks, yet it will happen in over a month from now, with the four birthday girls acting like it is the biggest event on Earth.
Today, she got a letter from one of them at school:

You have been invited to our birthday party, it is at (time) and (place) there is a dress code, formal wear, mainly skin-tight dresses. You must pay for your own meal and bring money for the arcade, we will buy you one milkshake.
If you don't come in nice clothes, have messy hair, bring us cheap presents, annoy us before or during the party or have no presents for all of us, we will send you home on the bus.
Please sign this sheet and give to us.

Luckily my daughter is thick skinned, as I think this can be upsetting for some children. But my daughter found it funny.
The restaurant is £35, then there's 4 presents (that can't be cheap apparently) then she needs to buy a skin-tight dress. She has decided she won't go.

Am I overreacting in thinking it is so extreme, or do most kids do this at this age?

I'd be tempted to send copies to all four sets of parents, they don't deserve to have a party.

Good on your DD for not wanting to follow this crowd.

Hopefully the girls themselves will learn a lesson in being demanding between girls that refuse to go and ones who parents refuse to pay for them to go!

Kudos to your DD for standing up against this! She is awesome in her strength of character at her age! She is going to be an amazing role model to others!

Good on your dd for not wanting to be part of this whatever it is. Sounds awful. I was about to tell you to not let her go but thankfully you don't have to do that.

I can't imagine DD or any of her friends writing anything close to that invitation. It's awful. Well done your DD for not going.

I would take a picture of the letter and send it to the headteacher (and the mums of the girls)

This insidious behaviour needs to be tackled.

Sadly I guess HT and parents wont be able to do anything / give a shit.

I despair of raising a daughter in these modern times.

WTF?!

At least your DD has her head screwed on!

OMG.

(As an aside ds1 who is 13 went to a girls 14th a couple of weeks ago. There were 4 girls and ds and when I asked him what they did it went like this

• had spaghetti and pudding
• went and hung out in the park
• sang happy birthday and had birthday cake
• hung out in birthday girls bedroom watching a film and chatting

Different world!)

They sound as bad as that Dani Mather (playboy bunny plastering picture of unsuspecting naked woman on social media. Good on your dd, you have raised a wonderful intelligent and down to earth girl. I would decline if I were her, cheeky sods.

So am I right to be overreacting to this or is this what I should expect now?

😱

Does your DD actually like these girls?

Dd says she can take them, (in her words) 'in small doses'. Individualy, she says they are quite nice but together they can be quite challenging and 'popularity driven' and she has now said she will stick to her other friends that aren't like this.

Please please update us on this one. I'd love to know how many turn up etc.
Are they friends of your dd or just acquaintances?

I should imagine this sort of thing goes on quite a lot, but normally it would be a standard invite and the rest verbal demands. Their mistake is putting it in writing

It is common for everyone to pay for themselves at secondary but IME this is instead of a present.

So their only outlay for each guest is one milkshake - the cost of which would be divided by the four if them - and they want an expensive present each I return. I like their style. Surely even if their guests go along with it, it'll be vetoed by their parents. Sadly I expect some will do it to be accepted/make sure their child is accepted.

I'll try to keep this updated. Of course Dd isn't going, but thanks to social media, she can have an idea of how many go and how many don't

So hard to know - it could/should be funny but written down like that just looks awful. Really interested to see how many end up going!!

It sounds like a joke to me too. It would be a good Daily Fail story....

'mainly skin-tight dresses'

Howling here.

Just read this to my DD who's nearly 12...she said she 'wouldn't be wasting her money on people like that'

I read this & howled with laughter! However, I think you should be super-proud of raising a daughter who knows her own mind and isn't taken in by this utter crap! My boy is only four, but if I can teach him to follow his instincts, rather than the herd, I'll be one happy mummy. Fab mum, fab daughter!

So they're providing one milkshake?

"Dear airheads, thanks for your invitation to drink a milkshake with you. Unfortunately the cost of a dress, a meal, the arcade and four presents doesn't really stack up when I compare it to the milkshake you are going to provide (about 80p each?) for me. So I won't be coming. Have fun!"

Send them a picture of a donkey and a pound shop lipstick with the invitation to 'kiss my ass'.

Even if it is a joke, let's hope it backfires and no-one attends.
Can't imagine many would be able to afford it, sounds a costly day to spend with a bunch of vipers.
Good on your DD to decline.

those girls sound horrible!

Good lord they all sound incredibly high maintenance. Well done to your Dd OP, she seems very level headed.