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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

AIBU to think 'cheers for leaving me up shit creek, society'?

269 replies

ahfuckHelpme · 15/07/2016 13:05

I've lost my job and used this username to ask for extreme budgeting advice (which I got, nothing but love for MN for that :D )
I have no kids, was TTC (hence using this site) of course this has now stopped.
Myself and DH are under 25.
I have had job breaks in the last 2yrs, where I lost my job and had to find a new one. In total I've spent a few months unemployed in the last few years. I always do my best to find a job quickly but its not always easy.
Anyhow.
I tried to claim JSA, My initial claim was refused (for income based JSA) with no reason given. So I tried to claim the other type (Think its called contributions based) And was told I hadn't worked enough, fair enough. so I demanded an answer to why I couldn't claim JSA (income based) was told its because my partner earns over 16k a year, barely mind, but does. He's on 15.6k (Per year) after taxes and NI. he's paid 4 weekly and gets 1.2k per pay. however before deductions is on about 17k.
AIBU to think this is fucking shit? Our finances are so badly at breaking point we've had to apply for a debt relief order (referred to as mini bankruptcy) work is hard to come by. as of today there are 4 jobs within a 10 mile radius I can apply for and some of those have over 100 applicants(of course I've still applied but I'm prepared to be unemployed for a few months minimum) yet we can't even claim JSA for me.
PS. I'm also annoyed I was told to apply for income support, which I am not eligible for (not a carer/disabled/in education/no kids) but I applied for it anyway and today was told I'm not eligible for that either!
can't get housing benefit, still waiting to find out about council tax reduction but unlikely, can't get JSA, can't get income support. I'm sorting this the best I can (Advice isn't what I'm looking for as such but is definitely welcome!) I'm just ranting really.
In what world is it ok to leave people this badly up shit creek? I campaigned against lots of welfare 'reforms' (read: cuts) and will contnue to do so but even I didn't realize it would be this bad :(

OP posts:
patentshoes · 16/07/2016 11:44

Before I had dc I moved to a nearby city and stayed in property guardian rentals - much cheaper rent than a standard flat. I didn't have much in the way of belongings as a single person with no dc. I only had a very small amount of money to start me off so I couldn't have afforded to rent a flat but I found work very quickly as I was able to work flexible/long hours (couldn't do that now with dc). It is well worth looking at whether there are similar options in your nearest city.

NoahVale · 16/07/2016 12:06

can you move in with either of your parents on a temporary basis?

BIWI · 16/07/2016 12:08

The age discrimination thing is truly awful.

However, you still haven't answered the questions about what experience you have or what qualifications you have.

RochelleGoyle · 16/07/2016 12:09

OhTheRoses Please RTFT! OP and others have explained repeatedly what she 'can't just move'. It costs hundreds, possibly a thousand plus, even if you rent! Also, she is not 25. Read the thread. Sorry to get antsy but I can only imagine how annoying it is for OP to have people asking the same stupid question over and over. Hmm

NoahVale · 16/07/2016 12:16

Have you Got bicycle OP?
that is a good idea.

ssd · 16/07/2016 12:41

the worst thing about being this skint and deperate is coming on mn and being told by people with money, why dont you move house/learn to drive/retrain when you cant afford the bus fare/pick up babysitting work, house sitting etc like theres loads out there, cycle 20 miles to work doing shiftwork etc etc

it just makes the op (or maybe its just me) feel even more desperate because so few people actually understand the problem

saying that, some of these other suggestions are brilliant

ssd · 16/07/2016 12:43

op, one good point is at least you arent being told to retrain as a childminder as its only costs a couple of quid to set up.....

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 16/07/2016 12:43

I think she has every right to complain that under 25 year olds are not allowed to draw some benefits. I bet the government is happy enough to take taxes from her under 25 year old DP. It was a bullshit decision made by posh boys who think everyone has rich parents to support them if things fall through

Exactly! It was brought in by eton boys who's mummy and daddy saw them through gaps in employment (and fun gap years) so why can't every body else that age just do the same!

it's shit and the OP should be annoyed

again! re moving! not just the cost of an actual move, but try rocking up to an estate agent with a household income of 15K and no rich parents to guarantor for you! You'ld be lucky to not get turned away on he spot!

OP a stint of live in work might be best for you, will be hard being away from your partner for a while but you can save as you work because there's very little expenses when you live in. Try TheLady and National Trust and Holiday Parks & hotel chains

RochelleGoyle · 16/07/2016 12:52

I agree with you ssd

sarahnova69 · 16/07/2016 13:03

^The op still hasn't explained why she lost her job and doesn't have references.

OP if you are 25 I simply don't understand why you and your partner can't give notice on you flat and move to where there are jobs.^

Why TF should she explain it? What explanation does she owe to you? Because it sounds like you're fishing for support for your "theory" that she is lazy and iresponsible. People lose jobs all the time for reasons beyond their control, especially in areas with shit economies. She also didn't say she had no references period - she said she had none for babysitting or care work.

The OP's post suggest that she is doing her level best in a very hard situation. I'm not sure I'd be so strong. Why are you so invested in finding ways that this is her fault? Is it just too unsettling to admit that society absolutely shits on some people and puts them in impossible positions, or that you yourself might have benefited from advantages you did nothing to "deserve"?

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 16/07/2016 13:48

I once lost my job because I asked my boss to pay taxes (I was "employed" but no payslips, no evidence of my tax being paid"

I wasn't lazy, I was working my ass off, I was abroad and on a Visa so I wanted to do things by the book (I always do, but particularly then). Incidentally, the employees who WEREN'T on a visa were getting payslips and having their tax paid, it was just those of us who were from abroad he was using to fiddle his books somehow.

Got fired on the spot.

ssd · 16/07/2016 13:52

I'm on a warning at work as I complained about the sick pay policy (cos there isnt one)

they can feck off with their warning but I need to shut my mouth as I need the money Angry

harshbuttrue1980 · 16/07/2016 14:02

Hmm. I actually do think it is unfair that someone young is expected to live on less than someone older. If it costs x to feed a 30 year old, then it costs x to feed a 20 year old. If someone meets the criteria for benefits, then they should get enough to live on.

However, refusing to travel more than a 10 mile radius doesn't seem reasonable - yes, even without a car. As someone who spends well over 2 hours a day commuting to work, I don't have much sympathy with someone only wanting to work on their doorstep.

Also, I live in the south of england, and plenty of couples here share a room in a flatshare because they can't afford a flat of their own, and they share the bathroom and kitchen with other tenants. The "rent a room" type landlords don't usually ask for mammoth deposits, letting agent fees etc. When I first moved down here I lived in a granny annexe. It wasn't the lap of luxury (in fact it was hideous), but it was fully furnished, only 1 weeks deposit and 1 weeks rent in advance needed. It let me move from north to south to get a job - I was in the same situation as you, and didn't have a bean (or a partner!).

If you really want to make this work, you can - but you have to stop blaming society and take action for your own life. So, my advice is move to a city where there are lots of jobs (in the sort of places I've mentioned), or be prepared to set the alarm for 5am like lots of do so you can commute.

Or, as someone else suggested, live-in jobs - mothers help, housekeeper, working in a holiday park, helping on a farm or an animal sanctuary, some restaurant/pub work, hotel work all often offer accommodation. Sometimes a caravan on site (farms and sanctuaries) or in staff accommodation. The accommodation will be basic (I spent a summer working for Butlins years ago), but you will be able to save what you earn.

RhodaBull · 16/07/2016 14:16

The thing is, OP, that as a married couple you are a team . I have seen other people on here complain that they've lost their job and can't get benefits, and then reveal that they have a dh/partner who has a job. Rightly or wrongly, you are viewed as one unit. Otherwise every SAHM (including me) would be claiming benefits as individually they earn zilch.

So it's not your problem alone - it is a tough period through which you and your dh have to trudge. Now, one area of work that always has openings is care work, especially nights and weekends. It may not be your ideal career, but when you seem to have limited options it must be worth considering. I have yet to see a care home in this area without a banner outside saying "Hiring now".

PersianCatLady · 16/07/2016 14:56

Persion, it may be because her household income is £15k (she lives with working partner) which is why most housewives don't get it.

The reason why I would be sceptical of the advice from the job centre is that they told her to apply for Income Support and she was then told she wasn't entitled to any.

My point is that I don't know why they told her to apply for it in the first place as she does not meet the criteria and I would have expected a Jo Centre advisor to know that. I think it is very wrong that people are given false hope and told to apply for benefits that they are not entitled to.

PersianCatLady · 16/07/2016 15:00

I actually do think it is unfair that someone young is expected to live on less than someone older.

This doesn't just apply to benefits, it also applies to the Minimum Wage.

BeyondBeyondBeyondBeyondBeyond · 16/07/2016 15:02

I can't remember where exactly the op lives, but if it is the same place I live, the jobs situation is shit. Not 'oh I'd rather not do that' shit, nothing shit.

PersianCatLady · 16/07/2016 15:14

I think she has every right to complain that under 25 year olds are not allowed to draw some benefits.

Even if her DH was over 25 and therefore able to claim Working Tax Credit by rough calculation that would only entitle them to an additional £16.59 a week.

I don't know if this makes you feel better or worse knowing this but I hope that it is better.

pennefortheguy · 16/07/2016 15:17

YABU to blame society when you haven't explained why you lost your job. If it is in some way your fault, then I would place blame there.

HelenaDove · 16/07/2016 18:15

OhtheRoses i think you need to check your privilege.

How much are you paying your Bulgarian cleaner.?

Loving all the sofa surfing suggestions especially while knowing damn well that they wouldnt even be being suggested if the OP happened to have living proof that she has had sex without contraception.

OhTheRoses · 16/07/2016 19:13

I don't quite understand that Helena. If a Bulgarian can arrive in the UK with barely any English and find full time work then I don't understand why an indigenous Brit can't find work.

I pay the agency about £12.00 ph, they pay the cleaner £8 ph.

I'd happily pay a British person to clean but funnily enough haven't been able to find one prepared to do that sort of work for the last 20 years. Before that I had two English cleaners during the previous ten years.

HelenaDove · 16/07/2016 19:25

£8 an hour isnt bad as long as it isnt London which is more expensive to live in.

SaturdaySurprise · 16/07/2016 19:28

I agree that you'd be better off getting proper advice. Your Job Centre should never have suggested Income Support for you. You could try a benefit calculator on turn2us.org.uk or find one on gov.uk.

No one else seems to have picked up on this, but why the Debt Relief Order? Are you doing it or is your husband? Please get proper advice about doing this.

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/debt-solutions/debt-relief-orders/debt-relief-orders-explained/

OhTheRoses · 16/07/2016 19:29

It's within M25, outside London.

maggiethemagpie · 16/07/2016 19:40

We're lucky to have any sort of safety net in this country. I was in jamaica recently where there is no welfare state, and was told there it is a case of 'if you don't work you don't eat.' Even if you are disabled.

I'm sorry that the world is not set up in such a way that it supports people who are unable to provide for themselves. Unless we become a socialist state, with all the associated problems that brings, I don't know what the answer is.

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