To ask what's the stupidest thing you have done?

[notfornothing]

Yesterday i drove my car into our living room.
I'm so mad at myself for the sheer stupidity of what I've done, i was parking the car and pressed gas instead of brake.
Ny DH has been amazing and is rebuilding the outer wall as I type (I'm putting the LO down for a nap).
It took all day yesterday to get the living room back to some kind of normal, plumber fixed the leaking radiator pipes, me and DH put the inner wall back to where it was, still need to finish it though.

I was incredibly lucky though as no one was hurt (LO was inthe car with me, rear facing car seat) and the house being so "soft" meant that the car only got very minor damage (which no doubt will be very expensive to fix), but is ok to drive for now.
And the living room window didn't break!

Please tell me you have done something similarly stupid! Help me stop kicking myself.
Or alternatively tell me how bloody stupid it was... Either way

When ds was 18 months and toddling a friend knocked in the door and asked if I knew there was water pouring from our waterflow pipe

I went outside to look and the door closed behind me locking me out and ds in

We had to phone dh at work 15 minutes away and a colleague had to drive him to ours to open the door

Said colleague bought us the Shirley hughes book shortly after with the same storyline !

Fired a party popper at my face about 8 inches away from my eye because "I wanted to see what it looked like when it went off". I was 20. And fucking stupid.

I locked myself in a fire escape of my block of flats & had to half climb out the tiniest window and shout for help. Neighbour saw me dangling from the window & thought I was trying to break in, so called the police.

I once stomped out of a nightclub in a huff, drunk as a tit & walked straight into the road. Got ran over by a famous boxer. Broke three ribs. I got up & started kicking off . Afterwards his agent sent me lots of lovely gifts in the hope I wouldn't run to the daily mail with a sad face.

Waiting for a delivery of a new bed, I had arranged for the council to collect the old one in the morning. I thought I could save some time by getting the old one downstairs myself.
It was a double divan base, and I had very narrow twisty stairs.

I managed to get the bed totally wedged, trapping me upstairs! And my wine was downstairs.

Luckily a friend was able to come and rescue me by pushing the bed back up, and I had a set of keys upstairs that I could throw out of the window so he could let himself in!

Got into a relationship with the wrong person at 24 and didn't leave til I was 41 and didn't have kids as a consequence (so lucky I had dd at 43 :))

I let someone tattoo big fat scousebrows on my forehead. It was the lady who waxed my brows so I trusted her. Horrible thinking they were permanent but I managed to get them removed and redone and they're ok now.

My mum put her purse in the fridge and a glass bottle of milk on the edge of it when she opened the fridge to get milk the bottle fell smashed her head open and her purse tipped out of the fridge. I walked in to find her on the floor surrounded by copper with s huge lump and blood trickling from her forehead 😁

Oh these are hilarious and terrifying!

I superglued my fingers to a tin opener.
I got it off with a mixture of nail polish remover and a very sharp knife.
It took ages for the skin to grow back.

Yesterday I spent two hours in soft play having left my car keys in plain sight on my car roof in a very busy car park shared with about 10 other shops

I just managed to sign myself out of mumsnet without trying!!

DH is very tall and has these big tea mugs. One has a mustache on the bottom and he had another one with anchors on it. I wanted to see if the anchor one had an anchor on the bottom so I peered under it. The mug was so big he couldn't see me. He brought the mug down straight onto my nose and broke it.

Have also left my keys in the door overnight and reached for hot trays from the oven without oven gloves on!

I left my key, overnight, in the passenger door of my car. The next morning I noticed the key was missing so I took the spare and was happily driving down the A41 when I heard a bashing noise - it was the metal key ring hitting the side of the car.

I have left my iPhone in 3 different public loos. Today was the last time - thankfully on each occasion someone has handed it in.

Met a man on a Internet dating site spoke for a while then he met someone else when they split up he needed somewhere to live for 3 weeks while he worked his notice so he could move back home 300 miles away. I let him stay with me without ever meeting him. I was very sensible and asked him if he was a serial killer or rapist before I said he could stay. When I think back now I can't believe how reckless I was.

Had a tattoo...

Cracked a pessary in half and took it aurally.

You put half a pessary in your ear?

I was eating something on a plate, and proper crockery dinner plate, in the car on the motorway doig 70. I was the passenger.
There were loads of crumbs when I'd finished, it was a pastry type food, so I wound down the window stuck the plate out to swipe the crumbs off but let go of the plate!
It smashed al over the hardshoulder and luckily there were no cars behind!

I stapled my thumb

Van fan finger mashup is my favourite so far, but OP is a clear winner on the epic nature of hers.

My high points are

verruca gel straight onto eyeball (mistaken for eye ointment, cos of the no glasses on),

setting fire to the decking with a barbecue tray thing, even though I'd put an extra layer of wood under it, for safety, doh

Lighting an incense cone that was sat on top of a box of matches, even after thinking it might not be a good plan

Thinking my new terraced rental was unusually warm and toasty and cheap to heat for mid winter, then realising I'd had left the oven on full blast for four days

Another car lighter idiot here

When I was pregnant with ds, I really wanted macaroni cheese! But the flour milk butter way always seemed to go lumpy for me! So I decided to put it through the sieve. Except my pregnancy brain didn't click that I wasn't doing it over the pasta but the waste disposal! then the hormones kicked in and I cried for over an hour until MIL turned up with macaroni cheese for me after dh phoned her because I wouldn't stop crying!

I now have a fool proof cornflour recipe now!

Got into a car with a drunk driver. We hit a tree - thankfully very slowly so nobody was hurt, but that's definitely first on my list of stupid decisions.

As a child, leapt off the top of a slide 'to prove it wasn't dangerous.' Broke my arm.

Ridiculous things like putting a spoon in the bin and yogurt pot in dishwasher, or once bringing in the milk carton to give to a guest rather than their cup of tea. (The cup of tea would have ended up in the fridge, presumably, if I hadn't realised.)

Reversed a cherry picker straight into a load bearing column. Luckily it was clearly built to last according the nice man who had to come out to do a structural survey. The sad part? The fucking thing has proximity sensors that beep and I was cheerfully imitating this annoying beeping noise in time with it as I drove without due care and attention into the sodding column. In my defense it does beep pretty much constantly whenever it gets within a mile of anything so I do tend to ignore it.

Groovee, that made me a little bit sad!

Sewed through my whole (then teenaged, dinky) hand with an industrial sewing machine. Blood everywhere but not actually that sore.