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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect ds aged 14 to put his dirty clothes in the washing basket

33 replies

ReallyTired · 15/07/2016 03:25

Clothes thrown on the floor or behind the bed don't get washed. Last week ds ran out of shirts as he had failed to put his clothes in the washing basket. I expect him to get his school bag ready the night before and lay out the clothes he plans to wear the following day. Ds head of year thinks I should do all this for him. I don't expect him to wash his clothes, but I do expect him to check he has everything he needs the night before.

Ds is constantly late because he is resistant to going to school. Even when he is ready he refuses to get out the door and walk 1 mile to school. He has been late every day this week as I am refusing to give him a lift. I have a younger child who needs to get to school.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 15/07/2016 03:27

Who gives a feck what the HOY thinks?! S/he can come round and do it, then!

YANBU. 14 is plenty old enough.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/07/2016 03:55

YNBU,
And your Washing basket is your DS's HOY's business because, What!.

LindyHemming · 15/07/2016 05:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

branofthemist · 15/07/2016 05:54

Yanbu. Dd has just finished year 7. Her HOY is very clear that all that is their responsibility.

Blueberry234 · 15/07/2016 06:24

My 5 year old knows where his dirty clothes go. As recommended as an indepence task from his reception teacher. So yes your 14 year old needs to get on with it

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/07/2016 06:31

They are more sensible at 5 though Blue, As they want to please you. With the greatest respect don't be too smug. Before you know it your DS will be a lazy 14 year old. Trust me they all get there.

fieldfare · 15/07/2016 06:34

What?!
My 13 yr old Dd is fully aware that if her dirty laundry isn't in the laundry basket, and I can't get to it without serious injury on the piles of crap all over the floor, I'm not doing it! She has had to do it all before, and had a panic as she had no clean knickers, which seemed to make her realise.

Have serious words with his HOY to stop enabling this silly behaviour!

FitbitAddict · 15/07/2016 06:48

DD is 16 and has had a laundry basket in her bedroom for the last 3 years. She also knows that I usually only wash at weekends so if there's anything she wants sooner she has to be proactive or go without.

slamdunkthefunk · 15/07/2016 06:59

YANBU. My 7 year old manages to do this on a daily basis.

cuntspud · 15/07/2016 07:01

Yes yabvu.
You should help him undress, pop the the clothes in the washing basket, wash, dry, iron to perfection and help him get dressed again in the morning.
As an aside, please do not expect him to be receptive to getting dressed in the morning until you have cooked him a full breakfast, to be eaten in bed. You must cut this into manageable bite size pieces and also feed it to him if he requires.
It's a good job he has the support of his head of year, or else he could be damaged for life being expected to take on such work at his age.

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 15/07/2016 07:05

I feel your pain OP. My DS is exactly the same. He has improved somewhat since I have overwritten the passcode to his iPad and only let him use it once he has done the chores that I write everyday on the whiteboard in his room: get clothes ready for school, put dirty clothes in basket etc

Good luck Flowers

ChickyDuck · 15/07/2016 07:11

I am assuming the HOY thinks this because your DS had to go to school not in proper uniform if there were no clean shirts? Personally, I agree with them (to a point). As a parent, it is your responsibility to make sure your child gets to school properly dressed, on time, with all the equipment he needs. Obviously, by age 14, most of the practicalities of this should have been handed over to the child i.e. bag packing, clothes in laundry bin etc. However, the buck still falls to you, and if they aren't doing it then you need to.

I'm not saying indulge his poor behaviour and just do things for him, but if it means reminding him more often, setting a time each evening where you check all his stuff is ready together, or pushing him out the front door with the help of multiple alarms set to go off with 30 mins, 15 mins, 5 mins warning, then that is what needs to happen. You can't just pass over the responsibility to him and let him get on with it if it isn't happening.

Notso · 15/07/2016 07:26

It is annoying as the school will see it as the parents responsibility.
I don't wash clothes not in the basket.
However I will nag them repeatedly to bring down whites/darks whatever to be washed so they don't run out of clothes.

GinIsIn · 15/07/2016 07:28

Just do what my dad did - all dirty washing, cups and plates left lying around get put into his bed each day. Doesn't take long to learn! Grin

MissElizaBennettsBookmark · 15/07/2016 08:13

YANBU

Sounds like HOY is outdated sexist dinosaur.

Are you the HOY's Stepford Wife, Chickyduck?

cathf · 15/07/2016 08:19

Oh how I love these threads!
Complain about a teen's behavior and there's always one smug tot mum who thinks they have cracked it because their child does not act like that at 3/4/5.
THEY WILL CHANGE!!
And while I am on the subject, they will also answer back, refuse to eat certain foods and leave a mess at some point, no matter how much you think they won't.
Mum of three 9, 12 and 23

Blueberry234 · 15/07/2016 08:35

I'm not a fucking moron to think they won't change but having moved in with a man that mother did everything for there will be certain basic tasks that will be expected and if they aren't done then certain things like wifi codes won't be available. Worked for me as a kid (except wasn't wifi it was riding)

Blueberry234 · 15/07/2016 08:35

For him even.

ChickyDuck · 15/07/2016 08:38

Nope, definitely not a stepford wife, far from it!

Btw, I wasn't meaning it should neccecarily be the mum rather than the dad who should do those things, it just happened to be the mum asking the question. My answer would have been the same for a bloke. Your kids are just that, kids! If they aren't responsible enough to get themselves to school clean, dressed, and on time, as parents you just have to help them until they are. Obviously by age 14 most of that comes in the form of reminding or cajoling rather than actually doing, but if that doesn't work then you just have to do what it takes.

RufusTheReindeer · 15/07/2016 08:42

Would echo a few other posters on here with comments regarding younger children doing as they are told

My children have put clothes in wash basket, cleaned own bedrooms and the playroom, tidied away plates etc from a very early age

My beautiful precious first born son who has always been an incredibly well behaved and obedient child is now 17

PUT HIS CLOTHES IN A WASH BASKET HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HE HAS EVEN GOT ONE IN HIS ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHA THATS WHAT THE FLOOR IS FOR HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry Blush lost it there for a minute

Nothing to do with the head of year....clothes not in the basket dont get washed, simple as...

Dont get me wrong, i say jump he says how high.....its just that i have to say jump now, before he did it with out being told

I still have the 14 and 13 year old, there is still hope Sad

Original poster
ReallyTired · 15/07/2016 09:35

My son used in to be sweet, helpful and compliant. He used to put his dirty clothes in the washing basket with only occasional reminders.

Unfortunately boys seem to be hit by a dim ray at around 13. They become too weak to do even the simplest of household chores or capable of rational thought. Even chores they managed at seven year old are beyond them.

The day Ds ran out of shirts he wore one of his a Dad shirts. It was ridiculously big on him, but the shirt was the right colour and he wore his tie.

Clearly mumsnet is split whether my son should suffer natural consequences of his laziness. (Ie. The embrassment of going to school in a shirt 3 sizes too big)

Cheekyduck what age should a mother stop picking up clothes off the floor? Is it really my role in life to look behind the bed for dirty teenager pants? Surely as a mother it's my role to train him so that a future wife or girl friend can put up with him.

OP posts:
Piemernator · 15/07/2016 09:42

I feel some of your pain, there is no way I'm picking up stuff I'm his Mother not a skivvy.

MangoBiscuit · 15/07/2016 09:48

Bloody hell. My 6yo DD manages to get her dirty laundry in her laundry basket, and get clean uniform from her wardrobe and put it on. I'd tell his HOY that you are teaching him some very important life lessons, and that you will back them if they decide to punish his consistent lateness. How would they like to handle the matter?

cathf · 15/07/2016 10:00

No-one expects to be an expert in baby care before their first baby is born, so it is a mystery to me why people think they are an expert in teenagers before they have one.
It doesn't matter what rules you have when they are younger, or what sanctions you think you will put in place, really.
My oldest son was the world's most complient child and was really a great teenager too, but even he had his moments, was generally untidy, ate mountains of junk etc etc.
Your hope is that if you put the foundations in place when they are little, they come back to them when they are out of their teens, but to think that just because your child is a cherub now, they will always be is frankly deluded.

ChickyDuck · 15/07/2016 10:08

I don't think you should have to pick up their pants etc! You definitely don't need to do everything for them at all. If they want to live in a hovel then that's their prerogative. But I do think you need to make sure they have enough clean clothes for school.