AIBU use of the word 'lesbian'

[Claireabella1]

Hi all, my DD is 10 and in year 5. She started a new school 2 weeks ago as we moved area. I had a phone call from the head on Tuesday (one week after she started) saying she'd been 'brought to his attention' for her language, I was a bit gobsmacked as I immediately thought 'swearing' which I've never heard from her. The head then goes on to tell me that a group of girls were discussing a particular TV show which DD doesn't watch but she knows I do, if that makes sense. So she knows some character names and plot lines. She was over heard by a teacher saying (in response to another comment from one of her friends) 'oh is that the lesbian couple?' (Referring to a gay couple on the show). The head told me all of this and said she shouldn't be using the word 'lesbian' in school, I asked why he felt that way and he said it's inappropriate, I probably sound like a harridan now, but I asked why he felt it was inappropriate and he said some other children in her class may not know what it means or had any discussion about this sort of thing. I said I appreciate that and will talk to her. He then suggested I ask 'where she had heard that word' this got my back up a bit, I feel like my daughter is being accused of using 'bad language' and she must have 'heard' it somewhere. I told him she knows what a lesbian is because she's asked me before. Fwiw when my children have asked questions like this in the past, I've always tried to tell the truth appropriate to their age. I've gone away worrying that I've got it totally wrong this approach and also concerned by the heads comment that 'some children may not know what a lesbian is' I know they were talking about a TV show, but if there were a child in their class who had gay parents, would they be discouraged from talking about this because some children may not know that some people are gay? I'm probably overreacting, but interesting to see what others think.

If the head had said you can't describe someone as queer would it upset you?

It would give me cause for concern if the word had not been used in a pejorative way. Not sure about the UK, but in the US, the Q in LGBTQ stands for Questioning or Queer. "Queer" is well on its way to being fully reclaimed, and I think has essentially been completely reclaimed by young people to the point that straight people are fine to use it in a descriptive, rather than a pejorative way.

If the head teacher can only understand the word lesbian in a pejorative way, that shows he can only understand lesbians as something lesser, something bad, something that no one would ever want to be called.

Which is awful.

It's miserable and unfair to have to fight when you are drained and exhausted from other things in your life. I think you are very brave and good to try and find the inner strength to take it further.

Absolutely you should take this further.

I'm half of a lesbian couple (both of us teachers in the same secondary school) and parent gov at my kids' school. I would be horrified if this was a reaction to a conversation in my children's class (and they're only yr1 and yr3), let alone in yr5! If the HT has views like that, we, as a governing body, would definitely want to know.

How the hell would my kids feel if they were told they couldn't use a word that accurately describes who we are??