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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unsolicited Baby 'Advice'

16 replies

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 14/07/2016 05:17

I'm prepared to be told I'm just being a miserable old ratbag.

Expecting my third child (big age gap, other DC 20 and 13) in the early autumn (DH's first child). I've been really careful on what to buy for the baby, and we've just started getting really prepared now.

DH took some pics of the stuff for the baby, he's very excited. Put them on FB. Cue a lot of his friends and relatives making unsolicited 'suggestions' and sending us links of stuff they used for their children - which would have been OK if we'd actually asked for advice and not already bought it!

I know I'm grumpy and emotional, but I was actually quite hurt and felt criticised. He says they 'meant well' and there are cultural differences, but I dread this becoming the norm - we spend a month in his country every year and I really don't want to feel everything I do for my son is somehow not 'right'.

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 14/07/2016 05:25

Practice your (virtual) smile and nod, and saying "that's so thoughtful, we'll beat that in mind"

OlennasWimple · 14/07/2016 05:26
  • bear!!
teacherlikesapples · 14/07/2016 05:27

Just practice smiling & nodding. Doesn't matter what country you spend time in, people will feel compelled to tell you how to raise your kids. I treat it a bit like a smorgasboard, pick out my favourite bits & discard the rest! Smile & nod. Sometimes I throw in a "Oh that sounds interesting". And ignore.
Congrats on your happy news :)

puglife15 · 14/07/2016 05:29

In the nicest way, YABU. They were only making suggestions. This is normal/to be expected (although highly irritating), especially if you post stuff on social media,,

maras2 · 14/07/2016 05:31

Tell him to stop putting stuff like that on fb.It's so juvenile as are the eejits who make comments that upset you.I think that social media is quite good for general chit chat and keeping in touch but some people always have to have an opinion and have no qualms expressing on line what they wouldn't dare face to face.Holy God is it only half passed 5 ? I only got up for a wee and end up pontificating about bastard Facebook. Grin.Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck.I'm sure that the stuff that you've bought is lovely so don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Flowers

Original poster
NovemberInDailyFailLand · 14/07/2016 05:43

Thanks...possibly I need a grip :)

He uses FB far more than me, but I do understand, 'cause he misses home and is very excited about all this baby business. So I get his need to share, and that's great, but I'm not confident, having a huge gap between them and feeling quite rusty (do you doubt yourself more as you age??)

It's just so annoying to share a pic of something you chose so carefully, only to be told: "You should really have bought xyz brand instead..."

Angry < third trimester rage

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 14/07/2016 06:03

His posting sounds really tedious. I can understand FB is a way of keeping a link with friends and family far away, but why would you tell friends and family what you were buying anyway?

I think you should just ignore the unsolicited advice. That's the FB equivalent of nodding and smiling (and ignoring). If it's upsetting him, he should share less.

BertieBotts · 14/07/2016 06:09

Are they really meaning you should have got X instead though or are they just excited about the baby and piling in with what they had to compare and/ or suggesting last minute extras?

Most people when they give baby advice aren't meaning that they think you're wrong, they're just being nostalgic for when their own children were babies.

pinkladyapple · 14/07/2016 06:10

I really don't think it's wierd that he's sharing pictures of what he's bought for the baby. Seems like people who have said that it like Facebook anyway judging by the posts so no wonder! I've posted a photo of the nursery looking nice because I have family and live on the other side of the country. So what?

Just say thanks for your opinion I'll be sure to ask you if we need any advice. Makes them feel all warm and cozy while stating that you don't feel you need any right now.

pinkladyapple · 14/07/2016 06:10

*don't like Facebook anyway

BertieBotts · 14/07/2016 06:13

Yy, I agree, perfectly normal to share pictures of baby stuff on fb.

Original poster
NovemberInDailyFailLand · 14/07/2016 06:25

Bertie - I'm not really sure. It's not extras, though, that would be ok, really. It's kind of 'we got this pram' and the responses are 'look at this link. They have really great prams'. So, I suppose I feel it's critical, though I may well be very sensitive right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
NovemberInDailyFailLand · 14/07/2016 06:30

I am fine with him sharing pics, though. It's his parents' first GC and we lost a baby last year. So I don't want to spoil his enthusiasm, it's lovely that he is so happy.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 14/07/2016 06:55

I don't think it is meant critically, honestly. It's more that they probably are just getting all excited and thinking you might be interested in discussing the merits of different prams.

Original poster
NovemberInDailyFailLand · 14/07/2016 07:03

I really hope so! I may pretend they do mean it that way, regardless, to save my sanity.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 14/07/2016 13:16

Ha! Yes. It's an excellent strategy Grin

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