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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To kiss DC on lips?

83 replies

OnesieTheQueensSelfie · 12/07/2016 22:01

Victoria Beckham has come under fire for kissing her daughter Harper (5) on the lips.

I remember kissing both my parents on the lips until I was about that age then grew a bit "nah, don't fancy that anymore" so didn't do it anymore. Parents just took my lead.

What do you think? Creepy and weird (as some on social media seem to think) or not?

OP posts:
TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 13/07/2016 11:12

How could I pass on cold sores when I've never had one? Even if I had the virus I could only spread it if there was an active outbreak.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/Cold-sore/Pages/Introduction.aspx

grannytomine · 13/07/2016 11:14

ArmySal, you said you can't catch it after 5, the same virus causes genital herpes so how are people getting it genitally if you can't get it after 5? there are two versions HSV1 and HSV2 but they can both cause cold sores or genital outbreaks.

grannytomine · 13/07/2016 11:17

TheWeeBabySeamus, check out asymptomatic shedding, it is obviously easy to pass the virus when you have a sore but you can shed the virus without a sore. As testing has become more accurate doctors have realised you can pass the virus without an outbreak.

grannytomine · 13/07/2016 11:20

This link explains asymptomatic shedding well. www.ashasexualhealth.org/stdsstis/herpes/oral-herpes/

MumOnACornishFarm · 13/07/2016 11:20

Granny are you suggesting people avoid kissing their children on the lips, on the off chance that we have the herpes simplex virus but don't know it, and knowing that even if they got the virus they would probably carry it without symptoms? Sorry but that's mad in my opinion, completely overboard. I wouldn't kiss them with a cold sore, but otherwise it's kissing a-go-go in this house. I think WeDoNotSow put it very sensibly.

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 13/07/2016 11:22

We're going to have to agree to disagree. I don't feel it's a risk and if I did then obviously I wouldn't do it.

Whathaveilost · 13/07/2016 11:22

My son's are 20 and 16.
I sometimes kiss them on the lips sometimes on their cheek sometimes on their forehead. No thought goes into where just affection.
Seriously nasty comments said about Victoria Beckenham. I don't know where these people's head is at to come up with such nastiness.

MigGril · 13/07/2016 11:23

I couldn't stop DS missing me on the lips be loves it. But I really wish MIL wouldn't have she has cold sores and I have had to ask her not to before now.

I've never had any and no one in my family has either. Although now the kids are a bit older we are suffering from verrucas which I believe are a similar virus, I blame DH and to much swimming for that one though.

MigGril · 13/07/2016 11:24

Grr auto correct *kissing

grannytomine · 13/07/2016 11:24

MumOnACornishFarm, I guess it depends how you look at it. I have hundreds of outbreaks in 60 years, I have had to take time off school, time off work and experienced alot of pain because an adult decided to kiss me on the lips. She could have given me a hug, a kiss on the cheek or the top of the head but no she kissed me on the lips. From your perspective not much of a risk from mine? Well I would do anything to avoid a child of mine suffering what I have suffered. My skin is scarred. I get it worse than most but who knows how you or your loved one would be affected.

I am entitled to feel it is a risk to far, you are entitled to feel differently.

poaspcos · 13/07/2016 11:26

Most people in adulthood might be immune to cmv which is different to cold sore virus but same family however I have worked with kids in nurseries for years and have a small child myself and discovered I have never contracted it so in the highest risk for catching in pregnancy. I would have assumed I must have immunity but nope zilch

It's preventable with some hygiene precautions thankfully

Even if you had got some immunity there's a mild chance your kids had a different strain that could give you a primary infection in pregnancy even still

I miss kissing DS on the lips and once another child is produced will kiss them both again but wouldn't risk it

Coconutty · 13/07/2016 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grannytomine · 13/07/2016 11:27

MigGril, no verrucas are a type of wart I think.

Your MIL is really irresponsible as she can't even claim that she doesn't know she has the virus. I hope she listens to you.

MumOnACornishFarm · 13/07/2016 11:34

Granny it does sound like your experience is at the extreme end of the scale though. I have never heard of anyone suffering from cold sores like that. Given that most people will never experience what you have, it does seem incredibly low risk to me. Nowhere near risky enough for me to stop my baby giving me kisses.

LittleLionMansMummy · 13/07/2016 11:36

I'd never thought of it as weird and kiss 5yo ds on the lips. He'll get to an age when either he or I might feel weird about it and in that scenario I'm happy to kiss cheeks or hug or whatever. But until then I have no concerns! We're a tactile family and readily show our feelings and say 'I love you' etc. Not for everyone, I know, but don't give a stuff what they think! Each to their own.

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 13/07/2016 11:39

I remember my aunt kissing me on the lips when I was a child and I hated it.

I would never do it.

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 13/07/2016 11:41

I prefer not to share my cold sores with the kids.

I hated being expected to kiss relatives on the lips when I was a child. One of mine has always hated kisses full stop. The other is still quite cuddly and I kiss them on the head.

Original poster
OnesieTheQueensSelfie · 13/07/2016 11:47

I don't blame you for hating that Stick, I would have hated that too.

But I think there is a massive difference between kissing mummy and daddy as opposed to auntie, uncle, etc. Forcing a child to kiss anyone for that matter is ShockHmm

OP posts:
WeDoNotSow · 13/07/2016 11:50

I don't think many people actively seek to share cold sores with their kids, do they?
Hmm

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 13/07/2016 11:51

I didn't get cold sores until after my first boyfriend. After a few years of really bad nasal allergies in my 20s, that's where they almost always pop out, now. looks right attractive it does. And hurts like fuckery.

AldrinJustice · 13/07/2016 11:52

I kiss my DD on the lips but I never used to...only because I saw her aunt do it and I thought to myself why should I not when others do with her. If no one did it with DD then I probably wouldn't.

Although I do think when children get to the age of reasoning then they should have a say in how they would like to show affection or greet people. It's their body, and if they don't feel comfortable with something then they shouldn't have to do it or made to feel bad about not wanting to kiss people on the lips etc.

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine · 13/07/2016 11:53

No WeDo, I actively seek to avoid it, as far as possible, given that I know for certain that I have the virus.

grannytomine · 13/07/2016 11:53

MumonACornishFarm, yes I am at the extreme, no one knows why some people cope with the virus with no outbreaks, other people have one or an occasional one and some like me have an extreme reaction. It just worries me that people don't know, as a parent you can make a decision but you can't make an informed decision if you don't know the information. People saying you can't pass the virus if you haven't got an outbreak, or they know they don't have it because they have never had an outbreak makes me sad because people should have the information.

If you are making the decision you do need to consider that the result could be what I have experienced and if your baby is literally a young baby then it can be fatal. Yes that is rare but babies can and do die from a herpes infection contracted in the womb, at birth or soon after. I think it is a disgrace that people don't know that.

WeDoNotSow · 13/07/2016 11:58

I actively avoid kissing my kids when I actually have a coldsore, even when I have a tingle.
I don't avoid kissing them on the off chance I'm asymptomatically shedding.
Also if you definitely have the virus, it's extremely likely your children already have it anyway!

Mamadothehump · 13/07/2016 11:59

We are lip kissers! My eldest is 9 and as long as she's happy to do it, so am I!!

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