To feel this way in public (weight related)

[GeordieBadgers]

Whenever I'm in public and I see a skinny woman I feel immense shame.

I'm slightly overweight. 5ft 1 and 9st11.

I weight lift and do cardio every day but it's not enough. I'm a size 10-12 but 6-8 is the new skinny.

When I'm in public (particularly with my boyfriend) and we see a skinny woman I feel so ashamed of myself. So uncomfortable. So ugly. I feel scared that he'd prefer her to me. I feel inadequate.

Does anyone else feel the same with their partner?

I'm a size 10-12 but 6-8 is the new skinny

My pre-teen, who is NOT overweight (they've all been weighed by the school nurse) is an adult size 6.

Do you really think you are letting your boyfriend down by not looking like an average 11 year old?

One more time...

The vast majority of women who are a size 6-8 do not look like pre-teen, pre-pubescent, or underdeveloped. They have curves, hips and boobs, and look nothing whatsoever like a damn child.

Stop being so rude.

You don't need to bash slim women just to support the OP.

Has your boyfriend ever said anything disparaging about this. If so then that's the problem not your weight. You sound a bit body dismorphic.

It seems you judge your self worth solely on your appearance rather than who you are and what you do.

For what it's worth I'm 5'2'' 11 stone, can do chin ups and the monkey bars and look AWESOME as a smallish size 14

I'm sorry for you OP, but you're not unusual. Which is even sadder.

I'm 5'6", a chunky size 18, and genuinely happy in my own skin.

FFS! Skinny shaming does not cancel out fat shaming!

And I don't meet/associate with 'blokes' or tossers or men with trophy wives. These are just regular, decent men. But I've not met a single (single) one who is interested in me and the feedback I get is that I'm not slim enough (or young enough).

Decent men? Are they fuck. They're complete arseholes.

YABU.

I'm currently overweight (but working on that). I have been underweight. Even underweight, I was never willowy. I'm just not built like that. It should never be an "ideal" to aspire to something that is not your own physique.

You are working on being strong and healthy. You have no idea how the "skinny" women you see get to be so skinny. Some might be there through luck, some through eating well and not too much relative to their activity levels, some through a hideous diet of fags and red bull.

If you're always "hungry" make sure your diet is nutritious, high in protein and fibre and most definitely not low fat.

But all that pales into insignificance behind working on liking yourself. Your boyfriend fell for you - as you are. He didn't decide to put up with you on the condition that you get thinner for him or until a skinnier model comes a long. Some men actually do like something substantial to cuddle!

If, of course, your BF has expressly indicated that you don't quite meet his standards, ditch the fucker and consider yourself well rid.

MorningAfter OLD is not known for attracting the most reasonable representation of society as participants. There's a hell of a lot of frogs out there. Many with dicks for brains.

Thanks everyone. I have been a 6-8 once over and I got alot more attention from men than I do now.

And you need their attention why?
You've got a man who loves you...

You need to speak to someone before this takes over your life!!

Op- the only reason you would have got more attention is because you obviously felt more confident at the time, which is attractive, nothing to do with your clothes size. And from your posts it's pretty obvious that your problem is self esteem, with weight being your current reason to hate yourself. Bet if you woke up tomorrow with the body you think is everything you want, in a few months you'd be comparing careers/ facial features/ height/ accent or anything else and finding yourself lacking. It's self worth you need, not a different clothes size.

And with aye re the idiots so insecure about themselves they need to slag off other women and make stupid assumptions about how they maintain it to attempt to make themselves feel better about their own appearance.

Man you are so insecure! I'm overweight for my height (not much, size 12 now but have been 16 when pregnant etc) and I have not one jot of disappointment or shame. I love food and I'm never hungry. I plan to die with a sausage roll in my hand. I still get called beautiful by my husband every day and occasionally get chatted up. I'm a very confident person and it shows. It's not a front. I feel very good about myself. Wouldn't swap this life to be constantly starving and miserable, ever (if you're thin because you have a small appetite then no problem, that's not me though)

Chin up, tits out!

Op dont think that skinny women have a perfect life im 5ft 6 and 8 stone naturally i dont starve myself, and i get comments like " do you eat " (of course i do) i hate you cos your skinny ( i dont hate anyone) my jeans fall down on me cos jeans are designed for women with hips, i have tiny boobs (would love to have boobs) and being your ideal skinny woman didnt stop my ex husband cheating on me with a woman who is size 14 and shorter than me

I get that wih jeans falling down, issey and I'm a 14.

No arse to hang stuff off, though.

Why on earth do you need attention from men??
I wasn't going to mention my size as I didn't think it was relevant before, and also I resent the comments that a size 6 resembles a prepubescent 11 year old.....what a load of bollocks.

Fwiw I'm a size 4-6, and was a size 10 bordering 12 before I had my daughter 13 years ago. The weight dropped off naturally after I had her and stayed off. I am 5ft and although there was a bit more to cuddle and my clothes were a bit tight, I can honestly say I never felt ashamed or disgusted

I don't get attention from men or if I do I certainly don't notice it. In fact I would say I got a lot more attention then, than I do now.
The only man that I need attention from is my husband. Which I get unconditionally I don't need other men (or woman) to validate me. I am what I am, I'm confident and happy with that.

You cannot measure your self worth by attention from others. It's sad that you feel this way.

I do hope you find help to work on your self esteem and confidence.

The way you're feeling isn't really the way I feel about my body OP and I'm a fatty proper. A real booty slayer me, and whilst I have days where I think, 'hmmm I really should tackle one of those chins' generally I'm good with all the bits and bobs that make up the physical part of me, I know my DP is too because, well one can tell! I think you should discuss these feelings with your GP and get some support. Most women has some body issues some of the time, but what you're talking about is immense self hatred which is different. xxx Good luck xxx

Thanks everyone. I have been a 6-8 once over and I got alot more attention from men than I do now.

But you're in a relationship? With someone who loves you?

I'm actually feeling a lot of sympathy for your partner tbh. Do you want to be fawned over by other men?

Also does he know how much this bothers you?

I am 5' 1" and weigh 9st 8lb. On charts I am overweight.
My build is large - I take a size 6 shoe and my hands are large. I am a size 12 top and 10 bottom.
If I was a size 6 or 8, I wold look ill. Even at my idea weight I would be a 10, I could never get to a size 6 unless I ate nothing.

The only reason you should be concerned about your weight is for health. Not to get attention from men, or impress anyone.

I feel like I've slipped into a parallel universe. I'm 5ft 7 and since puberty have never been less than a size 14. I've got giant boobs, a bit of a belly and hips. I've been out with, had relationships with and had sex with lots of men- who all looked different- some of whom were nice and some of whom weren't but not a single one has ever commented on my weight and they've all, universally, agreed that I'm sexy and attractive because... Well why else would they be bothering?!?!?? I've never once thought I would be left for not being skinny enough. Maybe for not being nice or kind or clever enough but my weight never entered my head.

This is a confidence issue OP and I think you need some therapy to get to the bottom of it because it's not a normal way to feel... Especially at a size 10-12!

I get it OP. I really do. I've struggled with insecurities about my weight my entire life.

When I was slim I thought I was ugly and a freak. I thought slim was the only thing I had going for me and I overexercised and binged/purged to stay that way.

When I gained weight I focused my hatred of myself and my body on that. I was useless and fat.

Even though I had a husband who fancied the pants off me and has always made that perfectly clear. I never worried about him leaving me, it was everyone else's judgement. My mothers disappointment, everyone thinking I'm just a fat useless fuck.

I have worked really really hard to banish those thoughts. I've worked really really hard to have a healthy attitude toward exercise and food. I'm a size 12 right now, 5 ft 6 and 11.9 stone. I'm obsessed with that 10 lbs I need to lose to get to a healthy BMI, even though, I know intellectually, that I'm very healthy and fit and that BMI is bullshit.

Some days it works, others I feel like crap all over again.

Recently I started wearing a bikini again and I waffle between feeling really great and feeling like a beached whale.

It's fucking hard and you have my sympathies. You certainly aren't the only one who feels this way.

(And if anyone comes on here and tells me about the health benefits of losing that last 10lbs I'm going to find them and slap them).