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Original poster

To feel this way in public (weight related)

95 replies

GeordieBadgers · 12/07/2016 16:28

Whenever I'm in public and I see a skinny woman I feel immense shame.

I'm slightly overweight. 5ft 1 and 9st11.

I weight lift and do cardio every day but it's not enough. I'm a size 10-12 but 6-8 is the new skinny.

When I'm in public (particularly with my boyfriend) and we see a skinny woman I feel so ashamed of myself. So uncomfortable. So ugly. I feel scared that he'd prefer her to me. I feel inadequate.

Does anyone else feel the same with their partner?

OP posts:
PastaLaFeasta · 12/07/2016 17:12

I'm a similar size but a few inches taller. I'm not happy about it and would love to lose a stone, but your feelings about your BF are probably more complex than just a weight issue. Despite the media obsession with talk and very slim, men like women of all sorts of shapes and sizes, there's no universal agreed measurement of perfection. You need to talk to your BF and maybe consider counselling. Exercise and a good diet is beneficial regardless of looks.

Original poster
GeordieBadgers · 12/07/2016 17:14

The ideal is skinny.
I'm not deal. Thus:
I'm = letting my BF down.

OP posts:
SweetChickadee · 12/07/2016 17:20

No, the ideal is healthy....

Pythonesque · 12/07/2016 17:21

If it helps you put your thoughts into context, my 13 year old daughter fits sizes 8-10 depending on what we try on, and is very slim.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 12/07/2016 17:21

You sound perfectly all right to me. I'm the same height but weigh two stone more, size 18/20 on top, 16/18 hips! I know I'm overweight. If you compare yourself with others it only leads to unhappiness so please don't do it. I'm shaped like a barrel but I bet you aren't.
Your boyfriend chose you for all sorts of reasons and I bet they have nothing to do with any perceived weight issues.

MatildaTheCat · 12/07/2016 17:21

The size and shape you are fantasising about is that of a 12-13 year old child. An undeveloped one.

You are a mature adult woman. Look around you, we come in many different forms. Your body shape and weight sond healthy but your thought processes not so much. Get some help?

HappySeven · 12/07/2016 17:22

That's like saying Brad Pitt is the ideal man and therefore my Dh is letting me down by not looking just like him. I prefer my DH and your BF probably prefers you to slimmer women.

FlyingElbows · 12/07/2016 17:23

Op thinking that your weight is a measure of your boyfriend's worth as a man is not (I don't want to use this word but...) normal or true.

It is absolutely inevitable that this thread will draw the food obsessives with body issues who will further rip you to bits. Take the kind thoughts of those who suggest you seek therapy and then check out of this thread for your own sake.

shockthemonkey · 12/07/2016 17:26

Geordie, please don't do this to yourself. I hope you can find some help -- at the moment I'd like to bet that even if you were the skinniest person around, you'd find something else to be ashamed of.

PPs are right with their advice I wish you the best of luck in coming to accept and even be happy with -- who you are.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 12/07/2016 17:27

OP, no, what you're feeling isn't normal Flowers

I feel a bit fat at the moment, I am a bit overweight for my height, I don't particularly love how I look right now, but I don't feel what you've described at all

And it doesn't impact my relationship with DH.

I don't know what to suggest, just to say that what you have described is not what people mean when they say they 'feel fat", you're describing some sort of deeper problem x

AyeAmarok · 12/07/2016 17:30

Your ideal is skinny.

His ideal at the moment is you.

You're obviously fit and strong if you're doing that much exercise every day. Your obsession with being skinny is taking over your life. It's ruining your mental health by the sounds of it.

Are you happy with your diet?

Original poster
GeordieBadgers · 12/07/2016 17:37

I'm hungry all the time. It's torture.

OP posts:
wiltingfast · 12/07/2016 17:42

Omg woman. 10-12 is a perfect size. That is not a normal way to feel.

Why are you so fixated on being 6-8?

No one falls in love because someone is a size 6-8. Look around, men love all sorts of women.

In the nicest possible way, these are extremely negative thoughts to be having and they are interfering with your life. Have you thought of seeking external help with it?

The thoughts, NOT the weight!

Just5minswithDacre · 12/07/2016 17:43

Intense shame? About 7 or 14 lbs? That's so sad.

Kalispera · 12/07/2016 17:48

You really don't need to be hungry all the time. Your body constantly being deprived is not a healthy way to live your life. And I bet your boyfriend would rather see you happy, enjoying life and eating than being miserable, starving and constantly chasing some fictional idealised version of yourself.

TheMorningAfterTheNightBefore · 12/07/2016 17:49

Yeah, I feel like that too, OP. I'm 5'3 and size 12/14. It's partly why I'm single.

I read threads like this and I honestly think that the women who say things like, "my partner has fancied me whether I was a 10 or a 20"; "men find women of all shapes and sizes attractive" and "my partner doesn't even look at anyone else" are incredibly naive.

And I haven't seen or experienced anything in my 41 years of life to suggest I might not be right.

sansXsouci · 12/07/2016 17:50

'Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked 'female'''

I love this quote by Diana Vreeland, not of course that only skinny people can be pretty, just that as women we don't owe it to anyone to look a certain way.

AyeAmarok · 12/07/2016 17:52

I'm hungry all the time. It's torture.

This is no way to live. Honestly. You need to eat proper meals that fill you up for a bit. You shouldn't still be hungry after you've eaten.

Are you restricting your food in a huge way? What cardio training are you doing? Do you enjoy it or are you doing it purely to try and lose weight?

Life is supposed to be enjoyable. Food should be enjoyable. Being out with your boyfriend should be enjoyable. Being active, ditto. You're letting this stop you enjoying your life.

Kalispera · 12/07/2016 17:59

TheMorning that is one deluded post.

You think it's naive to think that my husband fancies me? I've never been less than a 12 since he met me 17 years ago. So I'm pretty convinced that he's into me.

You are not single because you're a size 12 for fuck's sake. You might be single because you've got lower self-esteem than a rock.

LadyLayLay · 12/07/2016 18:03

The size and shape you are fantasising about is that of a 12-13 year old child. An undeveloped one

That's rubbish. I'm a 6/8 and have hips/boobs and look completely different in terms of body shape to a child.

Don't go the other way and knock slimmer people.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 12/07/2016 18:04

And I haven't seen or experienced anything in my 41 years of life to suggest I might not be right.

Well I experienced a stiff nudge in my lower back this morning and some roaming hands that suggest otherwise…
.. and he's had the snip so it wasn't a duty shag to produce an heir!

AyeAmarok · 12/07/2016 18:19

The size and shape you are fantasising about is that of a 12-13 year old child. An undeveloped one.

Oh fuck off Matilda and don't be so insulting.

Owllady · 12/07/2016 18:19

I'm not naive :o my husband adores me
Lol
We've been together for twenty two years

SestraClone · 12/07/2016 18:29

My husband fell in love with size 22 me - someone on this thread is talking bollocks!

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 12/07/2016 18:34

I've a friend who is about a size 18/20, she has a brand new (quite fit!) boyfriend!

She didn't meet him when she was a size 8 and then "let herself go" - she's gorgeous and they can't keep their hands off each other, it's vomit inducing but cute!