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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fucked off with the state of my house.

27 replies

EveOnline2016 · 11/07/2016 23:23

It's always a mess. I'm sick to death with being the only person to do it.

Dh works shifts as do I. I have washing up to my eyeballs and every room is in need of a good clean.

Wish I could afford a cleaner but even if I did the cleaner couldn't clean due to the house needs a good sort out.

I have arthritis and it leaves me exhausted and in in so much pain that on my days off I really need to rest as much as possible

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 11/07/2016 23:26

As you're ill and unable to do it, why can't your DH?
Working shifts isn't an excuse. Arthritis is (well, not an ex user as such, but I'm sure you know what I mean!)

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 11/07/2016 23:26

Does Dh help out? I would blitz one room at a time and then try to maintain it. Could you fill a skip? Nothing more satisfying than chucking stuff out!

19lottie82 · 11/07/2016 23:27

Ex user? Excuse! Stupid iPad!

Archduke · 11/07/2016 23:29

I agree with the chucking stuff out idea.

Can you and dh tackle it together? Put aside one weekend perhaps.

Could you do this then book a cleaner for a one off mega clean - no idea of the cost - and then keep on top of it with a regular hour a day? Tidying before bed, sorting washing etc. Honestly you'd be amazed at what an hour a day (30 mins each) can achieve.

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 11/07/2016 23:32

Dh works 12 hour shifts 5 days a week where I do 7.5 3 days a week.

I feel it's unfair to put extra on his day.

OP posts:
Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 11/07/2016 23:33

Not enough to fill a skip but a boot full I suspect

OP posts:
Archduke · 11/07/2016 23:56

So can he do his share on the 2 days he has off? I appreciate he must be tired, but you're unwell and the house isn't going to clean itself is it?

Tiggywinkler · 12/07/2016 00:11

You can hire cleaners, even as a one off, who will help you sort. Pop an ad on Gumtree - I guarantee there's someone who will come help you out while you sit in a chair and direct, cost negotiable.

Tiggywinkler · 12/07/2016 00:13

I should add - this needn't be a weekly cost, but if you get help to blitz the place (from experience!) it's psychologically easier to handle from thereon in.

YourNewspaperIsShit · 12/07/2016 00:20

My DH works 12 hour day and nights and also seems to think that means he shouldn't clean anything so my house is the same Sad He does the litter trays and bins but genuinely said today (re litter tray) "it doesn't need done though, it's not all yellow yet!" I nearly lost the will to live.... You don't wait til it's full before changing it ffs Envy (not envy)

He seems to have no idea how much cleaning I do, except I'm a SAHM with 2 kids under 4

JackieAndHyde4eva · 12/07/2016 00:24

Have you got any family/friends who could all give you a few hours each one weekend to help you blitz the place?

e1y1 · 12/07/2016 00:45

Yes it sounds very obvious but, CHUCK STUFF THAT IS NOT NEEDED.

No-one can effectively clean worktops/units/floors that are cluttered with stuff, it just is not physically possible.

I recently downsized from a 3 bed semi with 3 reception rooms, to a 2 bed bungalow, so as you can imagine, stuff HAD to go - always had a tidy home, but as I learnt, if you have the space, it will be filled.

Now, I literally think what is the minimum I can live with, what would be an inconvenience not to have? It goes if it is not essential. Not a minimalist by any means, but I won't look at stuff or fight to clean around stuff that does not serve a purpose.

Once you have done this, keeping it clean will come second nature, I promise.

But yes, your H needs to help, you both work, so both should share household tasks.

ProfessorBranestawm · 12/07/2016 00:48

:( YANBU it's horrible having a cluttered home and not feeling able to do anything about it.

I do think your DH should do more on his days off though - you are unwell.

FWIW my DH works FT but still does more than me in the house, as he understands I am not well enough to do much.

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 12/07/2016 00:49

That's for the tips.

OP posts:
TrappedNerve · 12/07/2016 05:22

Place marking for later but am in v similar situation and will post later, you're not alone op x

Highlandfling80 · 12/07/2016 05:33

I feel you pain. Our house is a cluttered mess too. Dh has a hobby a d now has spare money to spend. I regularly dread the Amazon delivery. He has arthritis too and works 10 hour days 5 days a week. All he does when home during the week is to get his own food and rest on the bed.
Weekend s he will do the garden and some dig if related to his new man cave but that's about it.

Highlandfling80 · 12/07/2016 05:34

O he may cook (bung in the oven) the odd meal. We have 3 kids and they do bugger all apart from making a mess.
So will watch replies.

Highlandfling80 · 12/07/2016 05:36

I suppose he also does Bill paying and balancing bank accounts too.

FetchezLaVache · 12/07/2016 06:15

He just doesn't want to do it. My DP works longer hours than your DH and doesn't even live here, but he'll grab the hoover and give the living room a once-over or whatever, if he can see it needs doing! You're not well and it's really unfair of your DH not to pitch in. I do agree with the others about getting him on board for the initial sort-out. It'll make it so much easier to keep on top of, and maybe if he sees how much nicer it looks clean, he might start trying to keep it that way...

branofthemist · 12/07/2016 06:46

I felt the same a few months ago. It was such a tip, I couldn't be arsed starting.

Then we had some renovations and moved rooms around. So everything need taking out of each room. We threw loads away (I say threw, a lot went to charity shops).

When the work was done, I cleaned the house top to bottom and made sure everything had a place. I know you may not be able to do this but you and dh should be able to do it together.

Since then the house has been pretty spotless. It's been easier to keep clean and tidy and I feel like I want to keep it clean and tidy. Keeping on top of it is easier that doing a big clean/tidy once a month.

Dh and the kids are the same. Nothing gets dumped on the floor anymore (we were all guilty of that) it seems to have changed all of us.

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 27/07/2016 15:42

I know i started this a few weeks back, but gradually i have been sorting this house out and i can now say my upstairs is clean, tidy and clutter free.

just the down stairs to tackle.

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Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 27/07/2016 15:43

6 boot fulls to the tip. to date.

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bellasuewow · 27/07/2016 16:44

Good for you eve well done, I love a good clear out.

ChampagneCommunist · 27/07/2016 16:51

Well done! I am using the Marie Kondo method and the Clutterless App; it's working well for me, though I have a huge distance to go.

I also have a DP and DD who seem to shed belongings as they move around the house and never put stuff away or chuck it out.

I work FT, he doesn't & she is at primary school. He was out last night & I cleared the fridge - 8 tupperware boxes of mouldy stuff. Urghhhhhhh!

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 27/07/2016 17:22

I'm starting to feel shaky. Not eaten today and the kitchen is in no state to prepare food in.

Maybe I will camp upstairs with a take away

OP posts: