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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to ex DH?

55 replies

EdithBouvierBeale · 10/07/2016 22:13

Ex DH has the kids on holiday just now. They fly back through the night and arrive in the UK at 7.55 on Tuesday. He asked me to fly to London to get them. I agreed and took the day off work.
He hasn't booked the flights and they are now really expensive or full. The only options are either flying down at 7am, spending 8/9 hours in Gatwick and flying home....or taking the kids and a fortnight's worth of luggage across London and on a train for 5 hours. I have said no to these.
He says he is working on Tuesday afternoon and can't bring them home. I am seriously Angry
But, AIBU?

OP posts:
DeathStare · 10/07/2016 22:16

Was it agreed that he would book the flights or did you just assume he would while he assumed you would?

Original poster
EdithBouvierBeale · 10/07/2016 22:18

It was agreed that he would book and pay for all flights. I asked him before they left if he booked them, and he said he would get back to me, but didn't until I texted him this afternoon.

OP posts:
DeathStare · 10/07/2016 22:22

Then either he books and pays for a flight at a time that suits you - no matter how expensive that might be - or he takes the time off work to return the DC to you.

This is his mess. You've already been more than accommodating by agreeing to fly down to London and fly back. Your time is every bit as precious as his. Don't stand for him taking the piss.

HackAttack · 10/07/2016 22:23

Stand firm, if he was supposed to book them and didn't it's his mess, they are in his care he will have to sort it somehow

AyeAmarok · 10/07/2016 22:23

His problem to sort.

How old are the DC?

Original poster
EdithBouvierBeale · 10/07/2016 22:24

Thank you! I agree totally, and hoped I wasn't being unreasonable, but he is such a twat that I can lose sight sometimes!

OP posts:
Original poster
EdithBouvierBeale · 10/07/2016 22:24

DCs are 7 and 9.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 10/07/2016 22:32

It really is his problem. I genuinely can't understand why he thinks this is your issue to resolve.

Am I correct in thinking he originally agreed to book a flight for you to Gatwick at 6am(ish) to Tuesday, then three flights back late morning on the same day?

Original poster
EdithBouvierBeale · 10/07/2016 22:34

Yes, MsVestibule.

OP posts:
DeathStare · 10/07/2016 22:37

Am I correct in thinking he originally agreed to book a flight for you to Gatwick at 6am(ish) to Tuesday, then three flights back late morning on the same day?

Yes, MsVestibule.

Then either he does that - and precisely that -or the deal is off. He can't alter the terms of the deal to suit himself but inconvenience you and then expect you to just go along with it.

lalalalyra · 10/07/2016 22:38

The cost of the flights is his problem. Tell him to email you the booking confirmation/boarding pass and let you know which flight he's chosen asap

trafalgargal · 10/07/2016 22:39

What's he going to do with them if you don't fly down? Put them on the plane alone ?
How old are they ? Could they fly as unaccompanied minors?

sepa · 10/07/2016 22:40

His problem. Tell him that he needs to sort it

HermioneJeanGranger · 10/07/2016 22:41

YANBU.

Either he pays for the expensive flights, or he takes time off to get them home safely.

DeathStare · 10/07/2016 22:42

Why do I get the feeling that what he will do is book you on the (cheap) flights that suit him and then emotionally blackmail you in some way to do what he wants? Maybe I'm being too judgey but I have a feeling.

trafalgargal · 10/07/2016 22:42

Just seen their ages. I'd go the unaccompanied minor route . He hands them over to the airline and they are escorted on board and an eye kept on them by the crew and then they are escorted off and through security and handed over to only you.

If they are used to flying it's an option worth exploring.

Original poster
EdithBouvierBeale · 10/07/2016 22:44

I'd rather wait it in the airport than them fly unaccompanied. It's just infuriating that his laziness and disorganisation means he will Sean off to his flat and the kids and I will hang about for 8 or 9 hours.
The flights at the convenient would be £1,051 which is about the same as it cost me to divorce him!

OP posts:
Original poster
EdithBouvierBeale · 10/07/2016 22:44

Swan not Sean

OP posts:
Original poster
EdithBouvierBeale · 10/07/2016 22:45

DeathStar, you have described my marriage.

OP posts:
goodbyestranger · 10/07/2016 22:46

DeathStare exactly my feeling. OP if you simply ask him which flights he's chosen it's obvious what he'll do - name your flight.

goodbyestranger · 10/07/2016 22:48

Cross post OP. You need to take charge, not allow yourself to be required to hang around for 8 hours.

MsVestibule · 10/07/2016 22:58

Is it likely/possible that he would put them on a flight as 'unaccompanied minors'? I can see why you wouldn't want that - my two are the same age, and no way would I allow that to happen.

Do airlines still do this even? Budget airlines don't, but maybe the likes of BA still do.

MsVestibule · 10/07/2016 23:01

Unless you genuinely feel he will send them by themselves, just say no, even if he's already booked them.

How will he react if you refuse?

redgoat · 10/07/2016 23:03

IIRC, rules have changed for most airlines abs children under 8 must be accompanied by someone over 16 so your youngest DC won't be able to go on as an assisted flight.

He needs to get the children back to you.

EweAreHere · 10/07/2016 23:06

If it's a direct, non-stop flight, flying as unaccompanied minors really shouldn't be a problem. The flight wouldn't be that long.