To be a bit annoyed that my daughter (5) is wasting her teacher's time?

[DearDaughter]

Hi, I'm not sure really if this is something I should apologise to the teacher for. My daughter got a certificate on Friday for "being able to get herself dressed and undressed for PE" to be quite honest, I thought she was doing this for herself. She has obviously been having some help from her teacher. I feel awful.

I've already said to her than it wasn't fair to make her get her teacher to help when she has other stuff to do, so please don't flame me for my child not being disciplined.

Is this something I should go in and apologise for? I feel like the certificate was a bit of a dig... She's in Reception btw.

As a teacher, all children in my class will get a certificate for something during the course of the year. Getting changed for pe at school is so very different to getting dressed at home. There are lots of distractions and grown ups trying to get you to be fast, as generally the kids need to go out to play or get on with the next activity. Clothes get lost, chaos reigns. It is a real achievement. If your child finds phonics or maths easy the teacher might want to award her for something that takes lots of other skills. Reception is all about learning a lot of skills that parents don't always know about. Teachers don't have time to award passive aggressive certificates.

I'm probably in the minority because I don't see the point in certificates that don't really celebrate an achievement. I think it diminishes real achievement rather than celebrates anything. I accept that I'm an elderly fart who really should be going the way of the dinosaurs so I'll leave it now.

Could easily be that she is in the minority of her class at school who do get themselves dressed & undressed for PE so the teacher decided to reward and encourage them.

I remember being on a school trip when I was about 8 and we were all allowed to buy something in a gift shop. I had 5p change from my money so I put it in the charity box. The teacher praised me for it, and after that all of my classmates got some money out to put in the charity box. Everyone wanted the same positive attention, and then felt really good about themselves for doing a good thing, even though the teacher didn't make a huge deal out of it, it's just a natural thing for kids I think. I don't think any harm can be done from a nice certificate even if it's just for something as simple as getting changed.

As others have said, getting changed for pe is a whole different thing to getting dressed at home.
I'm Hoping for a certificate along the lines of 'boy stayed clean enough not to change clothes 3 times today'
We manage 1 set a day at home all weekend/ holidays, school is a whole different ball game!!

Just noticed you said you disciplined her for bringing home a certificate.

So the teacher said well done for something, you took that, turned around to her and basically said she's a failure and a disappointment and not good enough.

Even if you didn't use those words, she'll take that meaning. You probably want to think about if that's the right message to be giving her?

So sad that your daughter proudly shows you a certificate for something and you assume something negative and give her an earful . And your comment about not wanting a liar for a daughter, just awful. Apart from the fact that there's no real reason to think she's been lying anyway, you seem to be applying some pretty draconian attitudes to normal child behaviour, of course she'll fib from time to time and she's not going to be perfect!!
Your dd will end up a very anxious child with fuck all self worth if this is the kind of parenting style you indulge in.
Please sort yourself out OP, you sound bloody appalling.

Did you ask your DD if the teacher had been helping her and if so, why she needed help? Is it, maybe, that she is one of the few who can help herself so the teacher is giving others an incentive to do the same as your daughter by giving her an award? Maybe she gives awards to each of the children throughout the year and this was the area she struck upon. I really wouldn't get too wound up about it but perhaps encourage her to work for her next award.

Given all the threads about behaviour and achievement rewards going to the "wrong" children - i.e the ones who find it difficult, I'm not surprised the OP read the certificate as "she can finally get herself dressed and undressed".

I disagree that you should have spoken to her about it, OP unless your DD admitted to asking the teacher to dress her. There's no harm in double checking with the teacher though and making a joke about daft daughter!

My kids always got stickers for good tidying, sitting still and excellent listening. Never do any of the above at home so fuck knows where I went wrong. Took them out shortly after to home ed and am still none the wiser.

Are you my mother? She has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (google it). Not saying you have it at all, but my Mother has never praised me, and has spent 50 years putting me down, and pulling any achievements to shreds. Please don't do this to you daughter. Don't let her grow up doubting herself.

Gin I agree with you.

My dcs have told me numerous times
'Why have I received a prize for sitting down on the pparpet nicely? Isn't that a normal thing to do? And I'm always doing it anyway...'
They didn't understand and certainly didn't think it was worth an 'award'. And it didn't help them try and behave better or be proud of what they can do or anything like that.
At best it puzzled them.

I remember one of the more spirited dc in my eldest dc's junior school used to get house points for not being naughty that day! Classmates were a bit , I think!

The certificate would have just been to give her a boost for getting better at changing for PE. I doubt very much if it's a dig. We have children in year 1 who still need some/lots of help.

Don't they all get a certificate through the year? And the 'achievement' on it will vary considerably. So it will be 'lining up nicely' 'siting still' 'trying hard at phonics' 'listening well' etc and of course 'getting changed well after PE
The teacher has had to write at least 30 of these throughout the year! They are not GCSE grades but something to celebrate each child and make them to feel special to get a certificate. Ds often can't remember what the certificate is for but he knows who had one.
She is only reception age - save the pressure and discipline for when she's a teenager !!

You sound awful tbh. Your kid gets a certificate and you instantly assume she's lying,not being fair to the teacher,wasting the teacher's time and YOU feel awful? Just praise the poor kid,tell her well do e and that you're proud of her and stop looking for hidden meanings. Also weird that you mention disciplining her so you won't get flamed? There's nothing to bloody discipline. It's like you're looking for things to moan about

Dd got a certificate for "sitting nicely and good listening" because she always does it!

Bloody hell you sound like a very scary mum to your little girl. I think the teacher was just trying to find something to praise her for. You need to calm down.

My children got certificates and stickers for things I thought a bit surprising at school sometimes. I said well done and gave them a kiss. I really don't understand the need to tie yourself up into knots about it.

I had one very good child and one very willful child. They got rewards for very different things. I was very appreciative of the teachers for putting up with ds's behaviour and loving him anyway and let them know they had our full support, but I didn't personally feel bad when he had a less than stellar day. I certainly didn't feel the need to apologise when he was recognised for something good like sitting still (something his sister did every single day but was very hard for him at school).

An absolute non- issue!

I would say she probably has been asking for help before now. Only because having worked in reception classes the vast majority of children who are perfectly capable of getting dressed will try it on if there is a different ta/parent helper in the class who they like and want to have a little chat to. Perfectly normal behaviour. Obviously the teacher has noticed she's been being particularly helpful/sensible at pe time recently. Maybe she's been the first one to be dressed and sat nicely a few times, maybe she's helped others with buttons etc, maybe she's shown that she's listened really well to an instruction - putting all all her clothes in her bag/on her chair so they don't get lost. Like others have said you need to be praising her rather than over analysing.

Here's how it goes from the teacher's perspective:

1. Walk in to staff room and see the folder on the table for the assembly that afternoon.
2. Think "shit".
3. Check your list and see who hasn't had an award this year/term.
4. Write name on certificate.
5. Stare in to space and try and think about what you can write.
6. Write on certificate.
7. Add smiley face and sticker.
8. Put certificate in folder.
9. Promise yourself you will be more organised next week.

Repeat every week.

I think you're making a big deal of it and if you feel the need to apologise to the teacher you'll make an even bigger deal out of it. Why not follow the teachers example and praise your daughter for doing so well and say how proud you are. It's not unusual for those in reception year to go back to some more babyish behaviour temporarily.

Our DD just turned 6 and she has been telling lies. We overreacted and it made things worse. Much worse. - be careful

Also I get a book home every Friday with all the good stuff she done in the week. The teacher really praised her ability to get changed and keep her clothes tidy. Because other kids can't/don't. As the weeks go by I can tell that it becomes genetic when a busy teacher has to write something.

I'm a pretty bad parent cause I overreact (trying more positive parenting) she is going to lie sometimes deliberately sometimes things get muddled or they think it's true my daughter said a kid pushed her last week in school that's why her leg hurt today - no her leg hurts cause she was jumping on the bed lol.

So my advice is to calm right down, remember her age remember how busy teachers are and that your daughter maybe stands out in a GOOD way. Let stuff go, after a week from hell we changed our approach and had one bout of bad behaviour in the last week- that's all just one it's been great.

You sound ridiculous and a nightmare mother. Your poor DD . She didn't lie to you. Go apologize, see how daft the teacher thinks you're being. As for the certificate, which she has had all the pleasure taken from by your negative weird attitude, you think it's a dig?! Wow.

Looks like the OP and one or two others really do NOT understand how positive reinforcement works, and how recognising positive achievements, no matter how minor they may appear, actually provides a solid foundation of confidence on which to build further achievement!

I think the OP should apologise to her daughter - carry on with an attitude and approach like this and you will be well on your way to killing your childs self esteem and confidence!