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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit annoyed that my daughter (5) is wasting her teacher's time?

109 replies

DearDaughter · 10/07/2016 19:30

Hi, I'm not sure really if this is something I should apologise to the teacher for. My daughter got a certificate on Friday for "being able to get herself dressed and undressed for PE" Hmm to be quite honest, I thought she was doing this for herself. She has obviously been having some help from her teacher. I feel awful.

I've already said to her than it wasn't fair to make her get her teacher to help when she has other stuff to do, so please don't flame me for my child not being disciplined.

Is this something I should go in and apologise for? I feel like the certificate was a bit of a dig... She's in Reception btw.

OP posts:
Iamthegreatest1 · 10/07/2016 20:40
Confused

OP, frame the award and put it on your desk, thats what normal parents do, not stare at it and do a detailed analysis, heck!

MrsHathaway · 10/07/2016 20:41

I'd be taken aback by this in July. Fair enough up to about Christmas where 95% of the point of PE lessons is practising getting changed ... but for this to be worth a certificate at the tail end of the year would startle me too.

I think I'd also assume that DC had only just started demonstrating the skill although flinging crumpled garments all over the place sounds jolly familiar or that the teacher had noticed that DC hadn't had a certificate lately and was trying to think of something positive to scribble on it at the last minute.

But yes, chill. You could casually say "ah yes, in Mrs Smith's class next year you'll always need to get yourself dressed properly for PE so it's great you've got the hang of it already" if you think she's been milking it a bit.

meowli · 10/07/2016 20:43

She has obviously been having some help from her teacher

Why would you jump to that conclusion, op? As others have said, perhaps she has been noticed by the teacher as being particularly independent when dressing/undressing. The award doesn't have to be for something that has emerged while at school, it could be something that was evident from day one. Teachers have to come up with 30 or so good reasons for an award if they don't want to leave anyone out!

All it says is "being able to get herself dressed and undressed for PE.", not "being able to get herself dressed and undressed for PE, at long last." Even if she had been getting help from the teacher, so what? She's 5 - cut her some slack!

How dispiriting for your dd to be greeted with suspicion rather than pleasure, when she comes home with an award Sad

NeedACleverNN · 10/07/2016 20:43

Sounds like a stealth boast to me

Why would it be a stealth boast at 5?

Most children at around 3 can get themselves dressed with little or no help. They may need their trousers turning the right way or help with tights but they can usually pull their own t-shirts on and pull their trousers up

ijustwannadance · 10/07/2016 20:43

Your child will grow up thinking they are never bloody good enough. She is 5!!

DownWithThisSortaThing · 10/07/2016 20:44

I hope you haven't told your DD off for this? There's nothing to say she's actually lied - the certificate just says she's doing it herself.. she will be confused if you've told her off and she's been dressing herself the whole time - but even if she has been getting help, thats not being naughty! I'd rather my child feel they could ask for help when they're not sure about something than try to cope on their own for fear of 'wasting the teachers time'

sepa · 10/07/2016 20:49

Alrighty then... Hmm

amithatmum · 10/07/2016 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LifeIsGoodish · 10/07/2016 20:55

I don't get why the OP thinks this certificate implies anything negative. It certainly does not imply that her dd has been pretending that she couldn't dress herself.

Perhaps she's simply been getting on with changing with no fuss or bother. (Have you ever seen a classful of 4/5yo changing?!)

She's being rewarded for doing something her teacher considers praiseworthy. Nothing more nothing nothing less.

LifeIsGoodish · 10/07/2016 20:55

I don't get why the OP thinks this certificate implies anything negative. It certainly does not imply that her dd has been pretending that she couldn't dress herself.

Perhaps she's simply been getting on with changing with no fuss or bother. (Have you ever seen a classful of 4/5yo changing?!)

She's being rewarded for doing something her teacher considers praiseworthy. Nothing more nothing nothing less.

paxillin · 10/07/2016 20:57

I had the opposite before. Ds couldn't use a spoon at all at home aged 18 months. I asked nursery at what point I should worry, assuming they'd spoon yoghurt etc for him. Answer: But he's been doing it alone for 6 months. They showed me, too. Gave him a yoghurt and he neatly ate it with a spoon, pleased as punch.

What they do at school or home can be quite different.

PurpleTango · 10/07/2016 20:57

Why would it be a stealth boast at 5?

The only reason I can think of is that OP thinks her 5 year old is above other same age children at dressing. I can think of no logical explanation as to why OP would be (seemingly) upset about her child receiving a certificate for being able to dress herself. As you say most 3 year olds can dress/undress themselves. Sounds a bit fishy to me tbh

Maybe I should have just given a Biscuit

Beautifulstorm · 10/07/2016 20:59

Jesus. Your way over thinking this. Your poor daughter, I should imagine if this is how you react to something so trivial she may be terrified of you.

Your job is to nurture a loving, confident and happy human being. Not produce an obedient robot. Alarm bells ring majorly from this post.

sepa · 10/07/2016 21:00

Maybe she doesn't like her child? Why else would you say a 5 yr old was a liar? Pretty strong way to describe a young child IMO. They fib not lie

Crunchymum · 10/07/2016 21:00

OP Why does the certificate make you think your DD has lied?

Do you specifically ask her "do you get yourself changed for PE?" and she has said she does, yet the certificate implies to you she doesn't.

Here's a thought, maybe the teacher has nothing else to 'award' your child so she has given her a token certificate so she isn't left out. How would that make you feel? Having a mediocre child?

Get a grip OP, seriously!! You seem hard to please already and the poor kid is 5.

EverythingWillBeFine · 10/07/2016 21:02

Another possibility is that the 'dressing after PE' is just one thing that they have come up with to give her a reward because they couldn't think of anything else....

So let's give her a reward for being able to get dressed because other children cab't but let's forget she has been able to do it for ages and therefore is completely meaningless to her....

Can you see I've had two dcs who have received the most meaningless awards?

DiggersRest · 10/07/2016 21:03

This is the most ridiculous thread l have ever read on MN 😂

Ginslinger · 10/07/2016 21:04

i can't see the point in giving a certificate for something that hasn't been taught and improved on so I get where the op is coming from.

EverythingWillBeFine · 10/07/2016 21:04

Btw I tryout beielve that teacher shoould be able to find something meaningful to give a reward to a child.
Every child has their own difficulties and you need to praise them for what they are putting effort in, not for what they can do easily...

That's teacher laziness not the fact there is nothing else to give her a reward for....

RunnerOnTheRun · 10/07/2016 21:13

Aww that is quite sad that your 5 year old received a fancy certificate for doing something really positive, and you've berated her for it. Really confusing for the girl.

Some schools have a policy that each child must receive a certificate/head teachers award/house point/something else once every half term and sometimes it is simply a case of finding something (anything!) that a child is good at to reward and praise them. This also shows the other class member what kind of standards are expected.

You are definitely BU.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 10/07/2016 21:14

Oh no, in my appraisal I was praised for my work with students who were struggling. Does that mean that for the past 10yrs my manager has thought that I sit and ignore them?

Oh no, wait it was just to encourage me that I am doing a good job and to keep going. I think. scurries off to check previous appraisals for mention of struggling students

She's doing well, enjoy her success.

Ginslinger · 10/07/2016 21:15

but what's the point of giving a certificate for something she could already do before going to school?

meowli · 10/07/2016 21:17

Every child has their own difficulties and you need to praise them for what they are putting effort in, not for what they can do easily...

Surely they can be praised for both? Confused

IveAlreadyPaid · 10/07/2016 21:22

I would think it is more like a poor frazzled teacher having to think of something to say about each child for all these blinking end of term certificates!

DownWithThisSortaThing · 10/07/2016 21:22

ginslinger maybe there's other children in the class who dawdle a bit when they need to get changed, and seeing another child get praise for getting on with it will be a little incentive for them to try to do it a bit quicker? I don't know to be honest, I'm not a teacher, but I do think it's quite lovely that kids get praise for even little things at school these days. Kids love praise, for anything and everything. It's just a small positive token thing in my opinion.

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