Aibu to be upset that friend asked me for money

[heartfeltnovice]

I recently went away for the weekend with a group of friends. One of them had organised and bought the food shop for everybody. I left before the rest of them and as I was packing she came in and asked me to give her the amount I owed towards the food. There had been some email exchange before the trip but no clear instruction how much it would be or how she wanted people to pay. I basically felt cornered to pay before I left. Now I feel offended that she thought she had to do that. As I left early I don't know how it was handled with the others. Am I being overly sensitive? I was annoyed at myself for forgetting to offer before she asked me but now I feel she was a bit too strong in asking.

well....DID you pay?

I'm assuming the OP feels upset that the lady felt she had to ask, as she never would have not paid. Maybe?

YABmonumentallyU why should she have to spend even more time after the event trying to chase people who haven't offered to pay up during the event? You should be grateful she did the organising and put up the money to pay for the food (trusting that all would pay her back).

Well, that went well

Depends on a how other costs was divided up.

OP: AIBU?
Pps: yes
OP: ok, then. Thanks.
New pps: (several -crazy variations of being unreasonable in relation to the OP)

When we go away in a gang the organiser usually shouts all around the house saying everyone owes me 50 or whatever so everywhere clear and no one is offended.
Sounds like op was still at home and they were only heading off. She intended to pay when they arrived so embarrassing to be asked as wasn't given chance to cough up first.

I organise lots of dos and things like this. I'm the one who pays and then people pay me.

It gets so very wearing (and embarrassing TBH) to be forever asking for money. Just sometimes I want people to pay me without me having to ask. So I have no sympathy whatsoever OP.

I'm the sort of person who would make sure I'd paid the correct amount before I left. I would ask how much and pay.

After the event, it is just so much harder for the person collecting the money. I've even had friends/acquaintances insist they've paid with their online banking into my account when they haven't. Then I have to go back to them, ask the date, and prove to them they haven't.

If someone has been kind enough to organise things, just ask how much you owe and pay up quickly.

Sounds like op was still at home and they were only heading off. She intended to pay when they arrived so embarrassing to be asked as wasn't given chance to cough up first

No she wasn't. OP was packing up to leave at the end of the weekend and hadn't paid and hadn't asked about it.

I always feel upset and backed into a corner when BT send a late payment demand.

Thing is, there's generally no embarrassment if you are known for paying your way. I always do (and am usually, like Rousette, the organiser who pays up front for others), so in the situation described, I'd just have said 'Sure, remind me how much I owe you?' or possibly 'Sorry, I've realised now I don't have the cash but as soon as I get home tonight I'll do a bank transfer'. And because I do always pay up I wouldn't have felt bad about it. If, looking back, you are not always the fastest to put your hand in your pocket, then resolve to change that. If that's honestly not the case, then this was probably about your organiser having been burned before by evasive non-payers. Again, you can avoid this by paying up earlier.

Agree Tendon.

I organise a Christmas meal, I've done it for god knows how many years. Deposits are needed. One particular couple are always slow at getting the deposit to me. One year, I paid the deposit for them as they promised faithfully they'd sort it on the night. They did their menu choices etc and I let it go.

However, they had a huge row that day (apparently) and didn't turn up. That was the deposit down the drain and I had to ask about four times to get it from them. So awkward. Now, I refuse to add them to the meal unless they've paid me. Last Christmas, the deadline went by and they hadn't paid, and I told them to sort it out with the restaurant direct as I wasn't having anything to do with it... I wasn't going through that again!

I know it slips people's minds, I'm pretty easygoing and gently remind etc, but if you are the one doing the organising it is sooooo wearing to be chasing up for money all the flippin' time.

What I hate is somehow the asking for money makes you as organiser feel bad - asking for money is never nice even if you are clearly owed. Horrid to be put in that position.

Did you assume you'd have it for free or pay it in the future?!

I would have been thrusting money into her hands at the beginning, not havingn to be "cornered" into paying it at the end. I hate the thought of someone being out of pocket for me.

YABTU. You should have offered to pay, she shouldn't have been left in the embarrassing situation of having to ask!

I was once the organiser of a similar weekend with friends.

One friend and his girlfriend left a day early and didn't pay me their share of the costs.

Then they broke up. I didn't my money back.

He hasn't been invited to subsequent weekends among our friends.

I don't offer to organise them.

Speaking from experience, the food bill can often add up to a few hundred pounds or more if it includes alcohol.... I did it once and paid on my debit card and then spent weeks trying to get the money back off people and bouncing a direct debit in the meantime. Never again. But I do think it should have all been agreed and decided on at the beginning when everyone got together so you knew how much, what everyone else was paying etc. I can get you felt excluded from being asked separately.

Yabu! What a silly question to pose to others and I fail to see what on earth you'd feel upset about - you should've made it one of the very first things you sorted out!

That reminds me...I'm still owed the £7 I overpaid for a recent baby shower. Organiser gushed about getting my bank details to reimburse me prior to the event, I said don't worry just give it to me on the day. Obviously she didn't and I'm still waiting.

Ah well. She can put it towards her bill for lessons in common fucking decency

I handle it differently now than how I used to. I've been bitten more than once so always get the money upfront. If I had been doing the shopping for the OP's weekend, I would have estimated the cost each, and asked everyone to bring enough cash to cover it, then as soon as shopping was received, I would be asking for it. No more bank details after the event because people don't pay.

Hahah

Ah well. She can put it towards her bill for lessons in common fucking decency 😁

She did post and thanked for the comments.