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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be upset that friend asked me for money

103 replies

heartfeltnovice · 10/07/2016 13:03

I recently went away for the weekend with a group of friends. One of them had organised and bought the food shop for everybody. I left before the rest of them and as I was packing she came in and asked me to give her the amount I owed towards the food. There had been some email exchange before the trip but no clear instruction how much it would be or how she wanted people to pay. I basically felt cornered to pay before I left. Now I feel offended that she thought she had to do that. As I left early I don't know how it was handled with the others. Am I being overly sensitive? I was annoyed at myself for forgetting to offer before she asked me but now I feel she was a bit too strong in asking.

OP posts:
gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 10/07/2016 13:34

How would you have liked her to ask you? It was clear you'd forgotten, wasn't it? Or were you planning to offer before you left?

Arfarfanarf · 10/07/2016 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 10/07/2016 13:37

You should be embarrassed that she needed to ask. You should have given her the money before she went shopping or immediately you got there.

gamerchick · 10/07/2016 13:38

Yeah I was thinking reverse. I find it hard to believe there is that much brass neck in the world Grin

salsmum · 10/07/2016 13:39

If I had friends who were the type of good friends that I'd spend a holiday with then of course I would not be hurt by them asking for my share of expenses...they probably thought you had forgotten...rather that than them moaning behind your back and not inviting you again. so yes you are being too sensitive.

fastdaytears · 10/07/2016 13:40

There had been some email exchange before the trip but no clear instruction how much it would be or how she wanted people to pay

You agreed to go away for the weekend without finding out how much it would cost you or who/how to pay?

OlennasWimple · 10/07/2016 13:41

It would have been rude for her to bring this up and make a big deal about it in front of everyone else, but it sounds like she handled it perfectly

feralgoat · 10/07/2016 13:43

reverse?

Aeroflotgirl · 10/07/2016 13:43

I wonder if this is a wind up, nobody can be that sneaky with a big front!

branofthemist · 10/07/2016 13:45

Something about this isn't quite right.

Are you actually saying that you are upset because you owed your friend money and, as you were leaving early, she asked you for it before you left?

That can't be right. Surely you know you are being unreasonable.

IAmNotAMindReader · 10/07/2016 13:46

YABVU Angry
So you happily went along with this, with no clear plan and just expected to get away without paying your share and you feel upset you were asked to contribute?
What kind of a freeloader are you?
You royally took the piss and even if it wasn't your intent you made it look like you were bailing early to get out of paying your way and your friend felt she had no option but to corner you.

In future make sure the arrangements are clear before you go next time. However, I doubt there'll be a next time that involves you. Now you have the reputation as the friend that's a cheeky fucker.

Idiotxit · 10/07/2016 13:47

I basically felt cornered to pay before I left

When were you hoping to pay? Confused

roundtable · 10/07/2016 13:49

There are people with that much brass neck imo.

I went on a hen do recently. Misread the amount I needed to pay and overpaid by £10. We are not flush with cash so I text her straight away to say I'd over pay, would she be alright to give me the ten pounds back at the hen do and sorry for the inconvenience. Radio silence. Saw her at hen night where she pretty much blanked me. Didn't want to make a fuss and spoil hen's night so thought I won't say anything and text her if she doesn't pay. She doesn't and so I do and again nothing. Blanked me again at the wedding. Still waiting for that £10 back although now I think she must need it more than me so she's welcome to it. But the balls of her.

Op, yabu. But I'm sure you realise that now. Don't worry about it and hopefully you had a good weekend.

ScrewyMcScrewup · 10/07/2016 13:49

YABU for eating the food all week without offering to pay for it.

YABU for forcing her into asking you for it last minute.

YABU for moaning about it on here.

YABU.

Alisvolatpropiis · 10/07/2016 13:51

Confused when were you planning on paying then?

LockedOutOfMN · 10/07/2016 13:51

Agree with stoopstofolly and everyone else who has said the same. I think you should really have offered to pay for the food as soon as you saw the friend who had already paid for the shop.

NerrSnerr · 10/07/2016 13:52

This must be a reverse. It has to be.

Dairybanrion · 10/07/2016 13:55

I think you're maybe upset cos it would have felt better to be offering rather than being asked for it.
It's embarrassing to have to be asked.
I reckon you meant to pay but you mortified you had to be asked.
Chalk it down, brush it off.

branofthemist · 10/07/2016 13:56

roundtable is right actually there are some people who are that cheeky.

We went out for a meal with dbro, sil and her family two years in a row for her birthday. Both times when everyone put in the money we were short and people had already started leaving. So the ones left ended up having to pay more.

The third year I asked everyone to stay until it was settled. Sils cousin didn't put any money in and said she was paying by card. But then started to leave. I collected the money up and reminded her that she hadn't paid and 'suggested' she came to pay while I handed over the cash'.

I told dbro and sil that I wasn't going anymore. It's was embarrassing for everyone and I wasn't going to police her cousin or chip in more for cousins meal.

Dbro was mortified.

DrLockhart · 10/07/2016 13:57

Roundtable - that's shocking of gem organiser

DrLockhart · 10/07/2016 13:57

*hen obviously, not gem

WeAllHaveWings · 10/07/2016 13:57

You choices were:

  1. before you go ask what's happening about food
  2. once you realised food had been organised and paid for ask how much you owed
  3. apologise for eating all the food without thinking who paid for this and who do I owe
  4. leave your friend in the awkward position of having to ask you for your contribution before you left and get all sensitive when they do (perhaps the person who paid needed the money back asap or they would be left short)

Any choice is ok except 4)

YABU

Aeroflotgirl · 10/07/2016 14:01

The cheek and utter front if some people bran, good on you, I think op sounds a lot like sil cousin.

saltysquid · 10/07/2016 14:01

Good for your friend for having the guts to ask. I have a friend who has form for never paying back. She will ask for tickets to be picked up for the school disco or if we are doing a collection ask to put her share in and then never pay. Everytime you see her she will be like "oh i owe you for this or that" but then say she doesn't have the money.
Last time we went out for lunch she said she had to rush back to work and my other friend said " you go, we will pay and you can pay us back" I knew that would never happen 😏
Hate chasing people for money, if you owe money just pay it asap

Hissy · 10/07/2016 14:03

^agree

Op, did you voluntarily contribute anything to the weekend at all?