Dh holiday underpacking

[rainbowjoy]

Aibu that Dh on a 10 day sailing flotilla and city break holiday needs to take more than 2 pairs of shorts &
4 t shits. He had packed his minuscule bag with no consideration of the rest of the stuff that needs taking ie small travel beach towels, sun cream, shampoo etc. I know we are sailing and space is at a minimum but he's now arguing with me that I think he needs a bigger bag. He has no smart clothes for evenings out. We are staying on after sailing for 3 nights in city. It's the same every holiday we take. I'm not an over packer, I've 2 dresses, 1 skirt and 3 shorts plus a variety of tops, deck shoes, flip flops and one pair of nicer shoes.

w do what rock does

all this i pack mine and he packs his and i don't let him use mine- isn't really in the spirit of marriage isn't it?

root I guess that would work if you are all the same size and both like wearing unisex clothes.

I don't think my current boyfriend would want to wear my pants and he definitely couldn't get into my shorts or t shirts. Probably wouldn't want to use my girly smelling deodorant either. That's why he needs to take, and carry, his own. There's a lot of infantilising going on in this thread.

I think the whole thing smacks of wifework to me, that's why I have such an aversion to it.

I must say I don't really get the thing about separate sun creams, toothpaste or shampoos as some posters seem to do.

I buy two large bottles of sun cream, two tubes of toothpaste and perhaps two shampoos. I keep one of each for DH and I, and the other set is for the DDs. If we run low while away we buy more in a local supermarket whenever we go there to stock up on cheap booze and snacky stuff.

I don't get where infantilising and wifework come into the arrangements that me and root were talking about. It's up to everyone in my house what they put in the pile for packing so if DH thinks he needs fewer t-shirts or swimming togs than I want to take that's fine but equally I see no need for both of us to individually go and buy things like suncream and shower gel etc when we all use the same stuff. OK I didn't explicitly say that we take our own deodorant, razors etc but I assumed it was obvious from the things I mentioned that where they are personal toiletries we make sure we've got our own stuff but apart from that everything is shared.

It's only wifework and infantilising if you assume that the wife is doing it all but that's not how it works in our house. DH and I do the packing together and it varies who does the give-all-your-money-to-Boots toiletries shop.

It's only till they learn to take some responsibility for their own shit. Then, when it's sunk in and you don't have to spend umpteen days in the shops on holiday because your partner has only packed one pair of pants and a single t shirt to last 2 weeks on a lovely holiday you spent ages planning together, you can pack your stuff properly, like a family.

Now we just sort all our stuff in advance and pack it together. It took the sleeping bag of doom (and the fact that he needed loads of other stuff and missed more than half a day of bands buying it) for him to realise that he was being a tit.

I get what you mean rock but the if the OP did what you said - laid out what she and DH wanted to take, he would still not have packed sufficient clothing or stuff to go out smart in the evening etc.

This thread reminds me of the one a few weeks ago where a woman had to cart around ten tons of her DH shit in her handbag, so he didn't have to carry anything.

My impression from the OP may be different from yours, but I felt she was saying he gets to carry around a tiny bag because he knows she will pick up the slack - and even then, it is going to annoy her that he has such a limited wardrobe.

It would probably be useful if OP came back and clarified if that is what she meant or not!

Pre-marriage, now-DH instigated the 'yours' and 'mine' luggage rule. So he would refuse to pack toothpaste / shower gel/ sunscreen etc because he didn't need it and his bag would be light, leaving me to struggle with the bag with all the stuff in it. And then he'd try to use the stuff I packed, all the while gloating about how he packed light and I brought everything but the kitchen sink. It's amazing how your generosity wears thin in the face of such selfishness.

I suppose it's something that you'd have to experience to understand. Packing as a family is fine if all members behave as a family and consider each other.

Sorry x post with scrambled - yes - if DH has learnt the hard way he has to pack enough stuff then joint family packing is a sensible choice. I don't think the OPs DH is that evolved yet though

happy yes I see what you mean, sorry I thought you meant sharing toiletries etc and packing the way we do was infantilising and wifework. I agree that one party packing the bare minimum they need and assuming the other will sort out all the 'shared' stuff like suncream and lug it around is like that. It's not what happens at ours though as responsibility for the shared stuff sits with us both and is divided between bags hence the issue doesn't occur.

Not Dh but DD. Going on a walking weekend away. Got in he car, an hour in we stopped for petrol asked DD if she wanted to come in with me. She said...but I don't have my boots on. So I asked where they were...apparently in the house as she couldn't be bothered to put them on so had walked barefoot to the car. Sigh.

happy yes I see what you mean, sorry I thought you meant sharing toiletries etc and packing the way we do was infantilising and wifework. I agree that one party packing the bare minimum they need and assuming the other will sort out all the 'shared' stuff like suncream and lug it around is like that. It's not what happens at ours though as responsibility for the shared stuff sits with us both and is divided between bags hence the issue doesn't occur.

this

also when you are both laying out your stuff, do you not talk about what you're going to be doing? so...something like ' i am taking a dress to wear when we go out for dinner in the city-what are you going to wear for that?'

or my husband has been reminding me that the resort we are going to has a really pebbly beach so i will need water shoes

you know-team work?

exLtEveDallas absolutely brilliant.

We used to go camping with a family who sneered at us for bringing everything but the kitchen sink, while they were true back to nature minimalists who travelled light.

Every holiday they would happily borrow all our sports stuff, toys and games, cadge the use of our cooking equipment and waste time washing out their two changes of clothing.

We don't camp with them any more.

Currently taking a break from packing.
DH is 68, so no chance now of him evolving!
We're going to a conference for 2 days, then a posh hotel for one night, then I'm going camping for 3 nights, with storms forecast.
He's done all the printouts, route planning.
I'm sorting everything else, apart from him bunging in a couple of t shirts and undies. He will sort picnic food for the first day. He will pack the car under my supervision. He will lock the house up and do all the driving.
Mostly very gendered roles, but as long as it all gets done, it doesn't matter really. (as long as he makes me some nice sarnies)

This is DH to a tee...always, always has a last minute crisis at the office on the morning we fly, so never has any time. So his idea of packing is grabbing his passport and toothbrush, then buying a small handful of shorts/shirts at the airport.

Every time...

I think, at the last count, he has 17 pairs of board shorts FFS

Paper I would have had to count to ten and go for a little walk to cool off if I were you in that situation. Then again, it sounds exactly like something I would have done as a child!

I always take more for me, and dd is same, than dh does. And I always sort all the dh cream, toiletries etc. I leave dh to sort his own clothes - he's an adult after all. I do however ensure there is ole to if toiletries etc for us all - can't imagine doing yours/mine for that kind of thing!

But then dh wouldn't dream of not carrying a decent amount of luggage. He'd never dream of leaving me with the heavier stuff ever!

We don't tend to have his/her bags especially when flying - just Incase one bag goes missing. At least then we all have at least something to change into before heading shopping to replace the rest.

See, DH would argue that he's acting like a grown up, because he'll sort it himself. That does mean buggering off to the shops for a day on holiday to get what he's not thought to pack, leaving me to tag along or losing a day together when we could be doing something else while he goes.

A large percentage of his "summer/holiday" clothes have, funnily enough, been purchased on holidays over the years. Before DCs, this wasn't a major issue, after the first time of him packing drunk at 3am because he'd gone "for a quick drink" after work and the taxi was arriving at 4am and he had yet to pack (and I refused to mother him by doing it for him), and so having to be dragged round a mall in Thailand trying to find stuff to fit, I refused to go with him shopping - I'd just assume early on in the holiday I'd have a day on the beach on my own/having lunch solo, annoying, but something he usually did. He's also not done the "not packing smart clothes" thing since the holiday when we got turned away from a couple of resturants when "smart shorts and polo shirt" wasn't smart enough. (My clothes, were of course perfectly suitable)

However, after having DCs, it pissed me off too much, so no, you don't get to just swan off leaving me with 2 DCs for the day, and I won't do the thinking for you in advance.

He's pretty much got it now. Only taken 16 years of regular holidays together to learn I hate his "I'll just pick it up at the airport/when I get there" approach, and that it's nicer my way.

oh and it doesn't help that my (lovely!) MIL does have the opinion that going shopping for the day is a perfectly normal thing to do on holiday, even a beach, all inclusive resort type holiday - so DH's been brought up expecting to spend a day of holiday at the shops anyway, so it's fine if you've forgotten everything something. It has taken a while to 'learn' that a little planning before hand does make for a better holiday. (and that not everywhere will let you wear shorts to dinner!)

My husband is an under-packer. My daughter and I are over-packers.

I deal with all the clothes. I ask, DH, put out all the clothes you are taking to a European sunshine spot for two weeks. He finds 5 t-shirts, three pairs of shorts, a pair of trainers a pair of deck shoes, and his manky old baseball cap. That it? Yes. It takes up half a standard suitcase. My daughter who is nearly ten and I fill it up, plus one more, with our shit. That includes all toiletries, toys, mega sized teddy bear (can't leave him at home) gadgets and enough clothes to service a charity shop for a month.

Whilst on holiday my husband always ends up washing his limited supplies. Whereas DD and I are on the beach getting our cheap disposable fashion dirty and wet without giving a shit. I might bring back clean clothes, but at least I know I won't be doing any housework on my one holiday a year.

(I recycle the cheap disposable fashion etc after each summerto reduce guilt!)

Haha Dh does this.

I'm quite a light Packer but take everything I need. We always seem to spend time on holiday shopping for something. Or I get asked "do we have any toothpaste/sun cream/after sun/ gum/ headache tablets etc"

Yes. But why didn't you think to pack them?? I get my own back usually though by shoving all souvineers in his half empty bag.

He also used to always dump his stuff in my bag too. Threw him last holiday when I only had a small bag with me. Just enough room for purse, kindle phone bottle of water. No room for his glasses kindle water wallet jumper etc. And he didn't have a bag.

Sorry. You bring it. You carry it.

DH is the total opposite. He seems to take enough to last 3 months rather than the week e go away for. Yet always forgets something still and whinges about it all week. Its odd.

If I'm going somewhere hot, I always prefer to under pack because I have no problems with handwashing bikinis, sarongs, and light tshirts. If its somewhere cold, like a ski weekend, I will bring loooaads more clothes because let's face it, no-one wants to be getting a sweat on in a steamy bathroom wringing out a massive wooly jumper.

DP is the same.