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Original poster

Silent colleague

98 replies

ChooseTheLifeYouLove · 09/07/2016 17:49

I work away Monday to Friday and our company pays for us to be in a hotel during that time and we have company cars we drive to and from work from the hotel. Two people do each shift.

On my shift I drive in with the most awkward odd person I have ever met and I honestly think it's starting to impact on my life to the point where I'm dreading the drive (35 mins each way) with this man.

He's about 25 and the word that I most want to use to describe him is "weird" and I'm not trying to be unkind. He's very junior to me but still an adult obviously yet can't even make polite conversation he is usually silent but it's a tense silence if you know what I mean. He acts super nervous but when I try to make small talk he snaps back with something very short. Eg. The other day we were driving to work and there are no pavements on the road and there were two pedestrians walking their dogs in the road. I slowed to go past and said "not an ideal road for walking here" and he said "well where else are they supposed to go!" So whenever he speaks it's a snappy rude ish comment making zero effort.

I will say I have given up trying with him now and I didn't just try and make small talk I tried to chat to him about work and his hobbies but it would be one word short answers and no effort the other way.

I now feel anxious spending this time alone with him as he has such an awkward air and makes me feel so ill at ease. I know this sounds trivial but I have to do this for another month and it's really getting to me now! Any advice please?

OP posts:
EarthboundMisfit · 09/07/2016 20:36

Urgh. One day years ago my husband and I were driving from our home in Cornwall to visit my family in the Midlands for the weekend.
A colleague of my DH, temporarily carless, asked if we could drop him with friends in Bristol on the way, and collect him. It was no problem for us.
When we collected him, we asked if he knew where he was going. He gave the first part of the road name, so I Googled, but there was an x road, a lane, an avenue, a terrace etc etc, in all different places. He'd been there before, he had their number, so we set off.
He is a truly lovely bloke but I would say not neurotypical. He sat there in silence almost all the way to Bristol before announcing he'd didn't have the phone number on him, but 'would know it when he saw it'. In the whole of Bristol. In the dark.
We ended up humoring him for far, far too long. He was absolutely convinced he knew where he was going and we spent 2 hours driving round. We tried to make sensible suggestions for what to do, but he just sort of blanked us in a very pleasant manner and kept giving directions which it was somehow hard to argue with.
In the end my DH basically flipped out at him, at which he took no offence. He ended up coming to stay with us at my parents' home for what I found the most excruciatingly awkward weekend of showing him the sights with no reaction from him whatsoever.
As we drove home he told us it was the best weekend he'd had in this country.

DampSqid · 09/07/2016 20:39

I can imagine this from his point of view. Wink

I have to get a lift with a woman from work everyday and it's driving me crazy. I thought I made it clear that I am happy to sit quietly in the car but she keeps talking 'at' me. She didn't pick up my subtle hints do I've had to ramp it up a bit and have tried being brusque with her but she still persists, aghhhhhh. I think there must be something wrong with her

Heidi42 · 09/07/2016 20:46

I think you need to bore him to death with Adele cds etc etc or some classical music lol and don't forget to sing along very badly lol

Doinmummy · 09/07/2016 20:48

Why are shy people excused from being polite ? A person may be shy , socially awkward etc but they can still say Thankyou .

MrsDeVere · 09/07/2016 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flisspaps · 09/07/2016 20:53

I don't 'get' small talk. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't understand what it's for. I'd gladly sit in silence and watch the world go by. You'd hate having me in your car.

I do say thank you for lifts though.

TheWernethWife · 09/07/2016 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Firsttimer82 · 09/07/2016 20:58

I see your point Mrs but If someone set my "teeth on edge" and I was "wary of being round them" then I would listen to my instincts and avoid being one on one. Not saying that he is an axe murderer, but people with ASD that I know or have worked with have NEVER made me feel on edge or wary. Feeling awkward around someone is different from being wary or intimidated.

IonaNE · 09/07/2016 21:07

He should say "thank you" but other than that I fail to see what is wrong with sitting in silence. Also being interested in the projects or whatever isn't part of the job description. I have just got a payrise so I presume I do my job well - but I'm not interested in any of the projects. I work for the money I get so I can pay the bills. Nothing wrong with that either.

MrsDeVere · 09/07/2016 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pearlylum · 09/07/2016 21:26

I feel sorry for this guy.

Penfold007 · 09/07/2016 21:27

Thank you for what? You are both travelling in the firm's vehicle to and fro work, you are the driver. He made a comment about road safety and you were a bit brusque. Your senior to him I'm not surprised he keeps quiet. Put some music on.

Ifonlylovewouldsavetheday · 09/07/2016 21:42

Don't want to downgrade how you feel OP, but he sounds like my perfect passenger of a morning - 'get in, get out'.
If however his 'weirdness' feels in any way threatening then that is entirely different xx

Rachel0Greep · 09/07/2016 21:50

What happened to the thread about the neighbour with "feelings" for a child and the "terrified" parents who are locked in their flat.

It was deleted.

Original poster
ChooseTheLifeYouLove · 09/07/2016 22:46

For the person saying he doesn't need to be invested in the project re not being aware of what had gone on that day- it was his job to take notes on the event on I was alluding to and yet he said he "missed it". It was a huge out of the blue thing that everyone was running around trying to sort and he was directly involved. I can't give too much away but it was so WEIRD that he claimed to have missed it, he's either lying or not doing his job.

I did initially feel sorry for him too and tried to break the ice and ask him about his hobby but it was like getting blood out of a stone, three words at best so I gave up.

I don't want constant chit chat in the car but awkwardly shifting and slamming down polite questions (very few I assure you) and silently jumping in and out to stony silence - come on now even shy people are a little more professional than that? I don't expect someone to be entertaining but IMO it crosses the line from shy to rude and the thing about "oh I missed that" is incomprehensible.

Anyway I only have to endure it for one month.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 09/07/2016 22:51

Garrison Keiller's Lake Woebegone Days.

Get it on the cd

Enjoy.

gamerchick · 09/07/2016 22:58

He's finding the whole experience a complete and utter ordeal and you want to push the weird thing to such an extent you're talking about it to other people and on the Internet.

Poor you.

NinjaLeprechaun · 09/07/2016 22:58

Maybe he missed what everybody else was doing, and only noticed the bit directly related to his involvement?

gandalf456 · 09/07/2016 22:59

I dunno. Perhaps the next conversation could involve you suggesting reliable taxi firms? Grin

This thread reminds me of this Fed Ted episode www.youtube.com/results?search_query=father+stone

I hate talking first thing in the morning but would do so to be polite. I would certainly expect it from someone I was giving a lift too. I would not expect the conversation to be continuous (like you OP) because I would find it difficult to sustain myself. The radio is a great suggestion but I still think he should say thank you and give more than one word responses if spoken to. Snapping is a big no, no, too. You don't actually have to give him a lift anyway.

gandalf456 · 09/07/2016 22:59

Father Ted

CheeseFan · 09/07/2016 23:08

I was also going to say ASD. I work with people on the spectrum and one (of many) aspect I like is that they don't feel it necessary to have small talk. Some of the people I work with can sound abrupt when they respond to questions too as they maybe don't feel the need use a polite tone of voice, they just say the words they need to, to get the message across.

Either that or he is just rude Smile. Either way I wouldn't mind as I quite like having my own thinking time in the mornings!

gandalf456 · 09/07/2016 23:09

I quite like it too but it's somehow uncomfortable if you have someone there

MooPointCowsOpinion · 09/07/2016 23:11

I hate talking in the morning, and I try to respond and be polite but I can be stand offish.

But I also hate silence when I know I should be making polite chit chat, that I hate, but I hate awkward silence more.

I pity you both.

Put headphones in and pretend he's not there.

TheSpottedZebra · 09/07/2016 23:14

Ooh, I'm very intrigued by your job now.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/07/2016 23:25

Are you sure you haven't unwittingly offended him and he is one to hold a grudge and be PA?

Either way, get some audio sorted and crack on like you're in the car solo, although maybe don't sing so loud

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