to ask how much you see of/speak to your parents?

[MrsMedlock]

Particularly your mum. Mine work full time and live an hour away. But they rarely ever call me, if I call them they are always rushed, busy and appear bored/dismissive of anything I have to tell them. They come over for a couple of hours approx once a fortnight and just sit and chat, occasionally play a little with DC then make their excuses and leave. They were never really around for me or my sister growing up so I don't know why expected better with their grandchildren but it still hurts. My children would love to see more of them. It always feels like they do the bare minimum to fill the requirements of what they see as 'involved' grandparents (this is the term that they actually use). I've tried to talk to my mum lots of times about how I'd love to see more of her and it's always brushed off as 'I had to bring up you with not much help, my mum wasn't interested etc' but she always seems to miss the point.. it's not the help of babysitting etc I'm after. It's just her being more emotionally available. If I gently press my point she will become angry/tearful and say she's busy with work and doesn't need to a guilt trip. Almost every single one of my female friends and acquaintances are much closer to their mums than I or at least see a lot more of them. I often pretend to them I see more of my mum than I do because I find it embarrassing to explain her disinterest. What I can't understand is within my mums own friendship circle her close friends and sisters are very close with their own daughters and go for lunch, holidays etc together. And yet she never seems to notice it's not like that between us? She spends a lot of time with her friends, always has done and goes on holidays and dos breaks with them. But then she's too busy for us. She's never once booked a day off work to spend with us. I just feel so sad we've never had a close relationship and don't spend any time together. I suppose I am just looking for solidarity and wondering if anyone else has experienced similar with their parents or even any viewpoints from the opposite side.. I am 26 and my mum is 53 so maybe some mumsnetters with grown up daughters/grandchildren can help give me some perspective. Please be kind, I understand my mum has her own life, has no obligation to spend time with us and my children are the responsibility of myself and my husband alone. I just wish either of my parents had more time for us, that's all.

I speak to my mum every day, often multiple times. See her once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. She lives a 40 min drive away.

See my Dad maybe a couple of times a month.

Op, if your mum works full time she is a busy person! They see you every fortnight ... that looks like quite a commitment to me.

We probably speak on the phone every 2-3 weeks. It was weekly but it's got harder as we have routines with little overlap to call at mutually convenient times. We're also both busy, so there's several evenings a week when she's not available.

Traditionally, I've seen her each school holiday, more in the summer, but again we both end up busy for coordinating. It's a good relationship, we're just independent of each other.

I live about an hour away, and she can't drive as far as mine which makes it harder to meet as it means I always need a substantial block of a day to come down to her.

I see my mum about once every two months. She lives a 3.5 hour drive away. She's disabled so we always go to her. I ring her 3 - 4 times a week. She never rings me - just in case she disturbs me

After my dad threw himself in front of a train I gave up talking to him. Then my mum got Alzheimers!
They fuck you up your mum and dad.

Once a fortnight is very often for someone working full time. Her bursting into tears and talking about lack of support sounds as though she struggled as a parent when you were younger?
It sounds as though she struggles to connect (though giving you a lot of time). What do you want from her particularly? Get a clear outline. Note where she already does things then try to work on areas that come into what you're after. Rather than vaguely saying "we're not close" which is a blame game switch to suggestions?

I speak to my mum almost daily and I see her weekly. She lives 2 hours away but travels up north to look after my DD every Monday. She is a godsend and I love her to pieces.

Speak to my dad on FT maybe twice a week, he lives in Northern Ireland. See him perhaps once or twice a month.

You say"they come over for a couple of hours every fortnight" OP but you don't say how often you visit them. It sounds as though you don't work so could you go and visit your parents more rather than waiting for them to visit you and take time off work as they sound busier than you.
Also why is your mum the one getting all the grief and not your dad?

See them daily always have.

Speak to my stepmum every day and see them at least once a fortnight.

My mum...once every few months...on phone ...rarely visit and she has not visited since I moved 25 miles away 14 years ago..get on fine...just nothing in common..
DF was last seen in 1968... I was 2!
Was closer to DGP..both passed away now..

DH rarely saw his mother for the whole of his life adult or child and his father did a runner in 1951..

Not an 'issue' to either of us..
We speak or Skype to our DC weekly..2 live further away and one locally but he has 3 jobs and 3 DC with an ex..I saw him today for a few minutes. We 'chat' on fb but see the ones further away every few months. Good relationship but an adult one.

All the 'close' families we do know are as dysfunctional as f*...most have arrested emotional development and are in permanent needy/dependent relationships with their families...can't be doing with that!

Dad died when I was young. Until mum died we used to chat on the phone about once a fortnight, and pop in for an hour or so once a month when passing to a sporting event - she lived 2 hours away from us. FIL died before I had a chance to meet him. We used to go visit MIL about once a quarter -when it was a 4 to 5 hour drive, then about every 8 weeks when it was a 2 hour drive and we had 2 small kids. She came to visit us twice in 20 years. She then moved much further away, and I never saw her again, tho dh went a couple of times.
I now have 2 adult kids, and I rarely I see them. We swap an occasional message on FB, and one might phone if they're stuck in a traffic jam, but that's about it. They do come and stay for a couple of days over Christmas, but haven't seen ds since then. He's 200 miles away. DD is more local, we see her for the odd few minutes here and there. However, they are both working full time, and there are no grandkids. They do keep in touch, it's just me who is lonely.

I've been no contact with my dad for about ten years, with one blip where my mother interfered and sent me to stay with him when I was pregnant and very ill and she couldn't cope with it at that point.

My mum is very involved. Mostly this is because I have physical disabilities and mental health issues. She checks in most days on the phone when she's travelling home from work. And I'll see her probably every other weekend, I quite often sleep over for a few days.

They live on the same street so everyday --too much sometimes it does my head in, other times I really appreciate it x

Haven't seen mine for 18 months as we live abroad. Chat on FaceTime every 10 days or so. Used to chat every day and see them often as we lived nearby by that was only for a short while. Before that saw them maybe 6 times a year. We get on, just don't need to spend loads of time together.

Lives about an hour away. See her every month/6weeks. Speak about as frequently, usually about the next meet up. We aren't close.

Never met my dad, and haven't spoken to my mum for 13 years, since I was 23.

Before that, I saw her a couple of times a week.

rishaar** why haven't you seen your mum for 13 years? Did you fall out?

A few times a month/every couple of months. We're both quite introverted.

She lives about 3 miles away and takes my son every week, but another relative picks him up and brings him back.*

Mine lives 5 mins away.

Haven't seen her in over 4 years. I used to worry about bumping into her when I was out and about as my children aren't allowed contact with her, but it hasn't happened yet.

So, with a bit of luck, I'll never see her again.

My mum lives round the corner. I probably see her once a week/once every ten days. We text if we have something to say in the interim. Rarely phone her.

I would speak to my mum via text every day, call probably 3 times a week and see her and my dad at least once a week (but often more for lunch or to take DS somewhere together).

She passed away two years ago at 55, I now speak to/see my dad with the same frequency as I did her, if not more! I never found this draining or 'too' involving, I've always had my privacy and my parents theirs - I just genuinely enjoy my parents' company as an adult.

So sorry to hear you feel this way OP. If you have already tried to speak to your mum about it and nothing changes, I am not sure what else you can do..other than enjoy your own lovely immediate family

My parents live abroad so I see them once every two years but we Skype a lot.

I'd much rather live close to them but they moved away. They are over at the moment and I actually find it really hard emotionally for the 10 days they are here because I know I'll have to say goodbye again.

Mine live a couple of hours away. We talk on phone a couple of times a week and they come to stay about once every three weeks. Weve always been close but I see them in person more since DS but he is their first grandchild and they his only grandparents. They adore him, and vice versa. I've deliberately made sure plenty of contact has fostered a really strong attachment between them. I was really close with my grandparents and wanted the same for him. They don't live close enough to help much with babysitting etc but am a SAHM so that's not so important, and agree emotional availability much more important.