Another wibu. Me or the neighbours

[pud1]

Moved into a new house about 10 weeks ago. I have 2 dd's ages 6 and 8. Next door have a 2 yo and one on the way

Second week we were here we had 5 friends round. I went to bed at about 11. Oh and 2 others stayed up until about 2. They were nipping out to the garden for a cigarette. Our bedroom window is above were they were stood and I didn't hear them. Next day the neighbours complained about the noise. No music was playing just talking. I just assumed that they was talking loudly and apologised. The wife then came out and said that she is not sleeping due to pg and that the 2 yo gets up at 5 so she is probably just being grumpy.
I was a bit as they have been having massive ground works done to the garden and it has been starting at about 7.30 every morning including weekends. We have had to put with it.
We picked up a new puppy today at at 8.45 pm my dd was playing in the garden with the pup. The pup was chasing her and she was laughing and making some noise. Not screaming. Next door husband came out to complain. He said that 2 yo had woken 3 times ( she has only been out for 20 mins). I instinctively apologised. He the saw the puppy and we chatted about him for a few mins and he went in.
Aibu to let the dd's play in the garden at this time. I can see this is going to be a problem in the summer hols. Should I be bringing them in earlier. They are normally in bed by8 on a school night but I do let them stay up in the holidays and they have been known to play our till about 9.30 in previous summer hols

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

YANBU

They are being ridiculous. Yes people chatting at 2am when you're trying to sleep is annoying, but it was a one off, weeks ago & even by her own admission they weren't loud.

As for the kids playing. It's summer. It's light. It's a very short period if the year. Let them play out when they want to. 8:45 isn't even late.

Stop being so nice or they're going to think they get to 'set the rules'. They don't.

[TheUnsullied]

YABU. 8:45 is actually very late to have kids playing outside if you have houses nearby with children. My DD is 2 and goes to bed at 7. I'd be really annoyed if someone was letting their child play loudly so close to her window. And they came round to complain so it must have been loud...as loud as anyone can reasonably expect children with a new puppy to be. Yes, the weather is nice, but you really must appreciate that many parents don't change their child's routine/bedtime because of that.

With the people going outside to smoke at 2...could her issue have been the door slamming? They're not in the wrong for going outside to smoke, whatever the time, but she hasn't come round to complain because she could hear them quietly chatting.

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

TheUnsullied. Give it a few more summers and you'll be on the other side of this 😁

8:45 isn't late for people to be outside in the summer.

[peggyundercrackers]

Yanbu - kids out at 8:45pm is absolutely normal.

You need to stop apologising to them, they are just trying to lay down some ground rules but you don't need to live by their ground rules. If they don't want noise then they need to go live somewhere that they don't have neighbours.

[TheUnsullied]

TheUnsullied. Give it a few more summers and you'll be on the other side of this 😁8:45 isn't late for people to be outside in the summer.

I didn't say it's late for people to be outside, but it is too late to be letting children play loudly outside. Especially when there's a small child sleeping in a neighbouring house. After about 8, the noise should really be lowered to adult levels in residential areas.

[peggyundercrackers]

After about 8, the noise should really be lowered to adult levels in residential areas.

Only in your opinion.

[EvangelineP]

I wouldn't be happy with children playing loudly out at that hour. It's well within your rights but not particularly thoughtful. Not getting along with the neighbors leads to a bad atmosphere for everyone. I'd bring them in past 8 or at least try to keep the noise down.

[Hidingtonothing]

Our neighbours make noise which pisses us off, no doubt we do exactly the same to them, that's life unless you can afford a country estate to yourself. As long as you're not making noise which could be considered a statutory nuisance (prolonged, unreasonable noise like frequent loud music or dog barking for hours unchecked) you have nothing to apologise for and no need to alter your family's behaviour. From the sound of your neighbours you do need to react differently if they complain again though, point out that they're not the only ones putting up with noise (their construction work) and that the noise your family makes is pretty normal and make it clear you don't feel their complaints are warranted. Don't apologise because you're doing nothing wrong and it just makes them feel justified in their complaining, they sound the sort who will take that as a green light to make more unreasonable complaints. Be considerate, that hurts no one, but kids in the garden til 9-9.30 (or even a bit later still in the summer hols or weekends) and occasional late nights where there might be minor noise (people chatting quietly in the garden, doors opening and closing when people leave etc) is totally normal and comes under 'live and let live' for reasonable people.

[Rishaar]

I think it all depends on the type of noise that the child in question makes. Personally I cannot abide "shrieky" kids that constantly squeal or screech while playing. About ten minutes of that is enough to drive me mad.

That said, I'm not a complainer, I just close the windows and turn up the telly/music a little to drown it out. I do however think that a lot of people, especially those who work/have to get up early with kids will be trying to wind down by about 8-9pm and don't want to have to drown out child noises with loud TVs, especially with a young child/baby in the house that they have just managed to get a few hours peace and quiet from!!

[MidniteScribbler]

I think a child being noisy outside that late is wrong. Surely they can still play outside without shrieking, screaming or making a lot of noise?

[ExtraHotLatteToGo]

I didn't say it's late for people to be outside, but it is too late to be letting children play loudly outside. Especially when there's a small child sleeping in a neighbouring house. After about 8, the noise should really be lowered to adult levels in residential areas

In your opinion. Not in mine, nor lots of others. What is this 'adult levels'?


The pup was chasing her and she was laughing and making some noise. Not screaming

She wasn't shrieking or screaming. More than a few minutes of that is anti social at anytime.

Normal playing noise is fine, god knows we get few enough evenings to enjoy it in the UK anway, let them play.

[littledrummergirl]

The adult noise where we live is loud music and gatherings of adults who shout fuck every other word at full volume until 11pm when they can be asked to turn it down without us sounding like a loon.

Give me shrieking kids at 845pm any day of the week.
They are idiots, it's your garden to use as you choose and you get to decide which rules are important to you when bringing up your dc.
Reasonable family noises are perfectly acceptable. If they don't like it they should consider moving themselves to a large detached house with no neighbours. It's their problem not yours.

[BillSykesDog]

You've been there ten weeks. So far you've had a gathering which disturbed them until the early hours of the morning, let your kids play out until almost 9pm and got a yappy dog. I can understand why they're a bit worried TBH.

I think you're getting some very bad advice on here telling you to tell them they have to suck it up. That way lies a neighbour feud which can be really unpleasant. You'd do better to send friends to the bottom of the garden to smoke and compromise with playing out ending at 8pm. I really think a 6&8 year old would probably be best off in the house winding down for bed at that time anyway.

[Binkybix]

The noise you've been making doesn't sound too bad. I think the problem was having the gathering so soon after moving in - they'll be assuming that it's going to be all the time and if they're anticipating having a new baby it's probably making them anxious.

Our neighbours did DIY until 11pm the night we moved in, and played really insanely loud house music at 3am a few weeks later. I feared the worst and was totally stressed but never had a problem in the couple of years since then.

Find a middle ground'

[FoxyLoxy123]

How loudly was your DD playing? Next door's DD is 8 and her shrill little voice carries rather far, she's a squealer too. We've noticed Dad lets her do whatever whereas Mum tells her to keep a lid on it and stop squealing, you don't need to make that noise to play in the garden etc. Clearly some parents either don't realise how noisy their children are, or dare I say it, get so used to it they tune out. It depends entirely on how loud your DD was for me to know if YABU. We have air vents in all our rooms so sound comes in even if windows are shut. One of the neighbour's sons goes and chats to his girlfriend every night down the side of the house at 10.30 and it's all I can hear as I try to go to sleep.

[Carriecakes80]

Its your garden, your child is entitled to play outside as long as you like!

[GnomeDePlume]

YANBU, Hidingtonothing is absolutely right. Be reasonable but dont be a pushover.

They are probably sensitive to any disturbance at the moment but the world does not revolve around them. Their 2 YO will soon enough be out making a noise in the evening.

There is always someone trying to sleep whatever time of day it is. The person on earlys/lates/nights, the babies and toddlers, the elderly, the poorly. If everyone thought they couldnt make a noise in case it was audible to their neighbours we would all be going round silent as monks and wearing soft slippers.

[pud1]

The puppy was not barking at all. I have not heard him bark yet. Dd was laughing. I was out there with her. She was not streaking or screaming. The most noise she was making was to tell me to watch what the puppy was doing.

[Florrieboo]

How sad are people who don't like the noise of children having fun outside on a summer evening. YANBU. 8:45pm isn't that late. Even when I had small children I didn't expect the rest of the world to stop so my kids could sleep.

[carabos]

As a PP has said, they're trying to lay down the law as you're new. Don't yield because if you do, it will never end. Our neighbours came round to tell us exactly what was and wasn't going to be acceptable the night we moved in here. Needless to say it was all what we would be doing, not them. Just as well we ignored them as we've barely had an undisturbed night's sleep in 12 years with noise they make, and as their children have grown up it's got worse.

The kids noise is so bad now, summer and winter that we're doing the sensible thing and moving house. Kids will be noisy, dogs will be noisy. If you don't want that in your environment you move house because it is unreasonable to complain every verse end.

[sharknad0]

My toddlers go to bed at 7 or 7.30pm, so it would annoy me if I had to keep their windows shut to try to hide the noise from next door until nearly 9.30pm! I do go to bed from time to time at 9pm when I am shattered, so would not be too please at all.

I wouldn't say anything however, BUT if my new neighbours had kept friends until 2am making noise in the garden, I would be very worried it's a common occurrence and would be complaining too, to make sure my new neighbours are aware of the problem and it doesn't carry on.

I don't let my own kids making any noise in the garden evenings or early morning even if we are outside putting laundry up etc... It's a detached house, but neighbours are entitled to a peaceful life too. It's so much more pleasant when everybody is considerate. We are quiet, and in return they don't make noise in the evenings either. Everybody is happy.

[BigSandyBalls2015]

Blimey there's some miserable uptight people on here. The days are already getting shorter, and with our appalling weather, how many nights is it even possibly to play outside. Need to make the most of it when we can IMO.

And people talking and smoking outside is really not an issue, there was no loud music.

Ignore them OP, stop apologising.

My neighbours are very very quiet people, despite having kids, the house is always in darkness by 10pm, even at the weekend. However, we like to use our garden and have friends round until late and they've never complained.