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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think my friend overreacted

87 replies

Mrswelshcacen · 07/07/2016 19:33

So I was standing on a chair cleaning the kitchen cupboards earlier on this week and DH was running around messing about with our youngest and he ran into the chair. The chair and I both went flying and I hit the tile floor really hard and to cut a long story short I have broken my wrist and sprained my ankle, my hip is also really bruised and swollen as well. It still really hurts however it was an accident.

DH feels awful about it and has been trying really hard to make it up to me because he feels awful.
He took a couple of days off work to help with the DCs but he had to go back today so I asked me friend if she would look after the youngest today.
When I asked her to help I told her briefly that I had fallen off a chair. I didn't go into anymore detail as it was over text which I tend to keep brief and I figured I would just tell her the story in person.

So she came over and took the youngest out for a bit and when she came back she asked me how it happened so I told her honestly.
She started getting upset and said she couldn't believe that I was still with DH and if her husband hurt her like that she would leave. I explained again that it was an accident and DH was very sorry about it. She said that I was just covering for him. I tried to explain myself again but she kept saying that she didn't believe me and I deserved better.

She then walked out of the house and came back saying she had called DH and our stories didn't match up. I asked her what he had said but she wouldn't tell me. She then told me that she was going to call the police if anything like this happens again and she walked out again.

DH came back about an hour later from work early really upset saying friend had called him and gave him a mouthful saying he was abusive and she was calling the police on him as I had told her that he hurts me all the time.

I have tried calling her since then but she won't answer but she has called two mutual friends telling them she was worried about me. But not mentioning why so they have then called me to check on me. One friend thinks this is ridiculous drama. However the other mutual friend agrees with friend and thinks DH lied to me about it being an accident.

I texted friend and asked her to talk to me as whilst I no she cares about me it has become a bit over-the top and I didn't really need a lot of drama at the moment. She text back saying that she was not over reacting. She also got mutual friend to text me saying that she agreed with friend.

So AIBU to think that friend is really overreacting. I'm really worried that she will call the police over this and that they may side with her.

OP posts:
AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 07/07/2016 20:42

So, let me get this straight:

Your friend is now saying that your OH lied to YOU, and he pretended to bump into you so he could abuse you without you knowing you were being abused?

That goes against everything I understand about abuse, the point is to frighten/control, not just to achieve the end goal of a bruise!

Also, lets play devils advocate: say you WERE being abused, the friend's actions are totally inappropriate: she's gossiping and trying to get friends in her gang/on her side…and threatening police but not calling them, as if a normal friend would do that if they were concerned and wanted to help!

Also, if your OH was an abuser, she would have just got you in for the beating of your life by ringing him up and saying that you said he hurts you!!!

StrictlyMumDancing · 07/07/2016 20:42

umbongo that happened with me and dh. It was something cited by my ex friend when she was stirring crap. The thing was it was years beforehand and nothing else had happened since. Well except me punching him whilst we were both asleep during a very violent dream Blush

MrsDeVere · 07/07/2016 20:43

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 07/07/2016 20:46

This reply has been deleted

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AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 07/07/2016 20:46

This screams "back story" to me. I can't believe that two of your close friends would jump to the conclusion that this was domestic violence if there were no other grounds for suspicion

The "friend" is already inflating/inventing events when speaking to the OH and her DH, so my guess is that the version she's telling the mutual friends has been stretched out to more than one event

potatomama · 07/07/2016 20:49

"Also, lets play devils advocate: say you WERE being abused, the friend's actions are totally inappropriate: she's gossiping and trying to get friends in her gang/on her side…and threatening police but not calling them, as if a normal friend would do that if they were concerned and wanted to help!

Also, if your OH was an abuser, she would have just got you in for the beating of your life by ringing him up and saying that you said he hurts you!!!"

I totally agree, this friend is going about things all wrong. Either she's totally incompetent or she's deliberately stirring up drama.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 07/07/2016 20:54

he pretended to bump into you so he could abuse you without you knowing you were being abused?

that goes against everything I understand about abuse

Its not uncommon sadly. Its called gas lighting. "Owww! That was really sore!" "well it was an accident I couldn't help it, could I?" Plenty of men get away with it for years before their partner starts to question the frequency and 'accidental' nature of it. Many just think their DHs are very clumsy. (Never hurt themselves though!)

AGirlCalledJohnny · 07/07/2016 20:55

I am very clumsy. I have long since nixxed mixing heels and drinking Grin However, I do bruise very easily so I will have occassional finger marks from where DH has grabbed me before I drop, I'm rock solid in build! I know I've had a few quizzical looks from people who don't know me, but anyone who knows me and my DH well, would never in a million years make those assumptions. And if they did, the very last thing they would do is go barrelling in with accusations and rounding up the troops. That's barmy.

Sack her.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 07/07/2016 20:56

BTW not saying this is what is happening in OP's situation before anyone thinks thats what I am implying. I'm not.

Huppopapa · 07/07/2016 21:02

Loon.

Pseudonym99 · 07/07/2016 21:10

Perhaps she abuses her husband, so thinks everyone else is an abuser too

LightDrizzle · 07/07/2016 21:18

My only slight niggle is the possibility that you did confide in this friend, assuming she would keep it between the two of you, and now you are terrified about the fall-out of her going public, and created this thread to help "prove" to your husband that she is putting 2+2 together and making 5 and that you didn't grass him up.

Fingers crossed she is just a loon. Obviously if your husband has ever been violent to you or injured you semi-accidentally, then deep breath, take this opportunity to get yourself and your child out.

peggyundercrackers · 07/07/2016 21:26

Your friend isn't looking out for you, she's stirring things between you and your DH and for some reason trying to turn other friends against your DH.

Ditch her!

midlifehope · 07/07/2016 21:30

your dh was being a bit silly doing horseplay in the kitchen - I'd have been a bit pissed off, how come you're so forgiving?

MrsJoeyMaynard · 07/07/2016 21:36

Unless you've got a history of appearing with potentially suspicious injuries that happened around your DH, accusing him of hurting you deliberately is an extreme conclusion to jump to and an overreaction.

Plus, as pp say, if she really does believe he hurt you deliberately, her actions would have been unhelpful at best and dangerous at worst - calling an abusive man up like that could well lead to him taking it out on his partner.

228agreenend · 07/07/2016 21:46

It's good that friend cares, but its a huge over-reaction, unless dh has form for being controlling, abusive etc, but from what you say it doesn't seem like that.

I don't know how to calm things down either, apart from texting all the friends and reiterating that it was an accident, and they'll have to accept this, and you accept that DH is not malicious.

Unfortunately, accidents do,happen (in got,hit by my son with a basketball yesterday. That hurt for a while).

Unicorntrainer · 07/07/2016 21:48

Firstly I hope you feel much better soon! 💐

What in the name of baby Jesus made her think she had any right to call your DH and threaten him with the police when you had quite clearly explained to her how the accident happened. And to then spread her neurotic notions amongst your.friends???

I agree with pp, she has history and issues that you are not aware of . She owes you both a massive apology. Get well soon OP and hope you have alternative support while your DH is at work.

Mrswelshcacen · 07/07/2016 21:51

Don't get me wrong DH was being an idiot running around the house and he probably won't do it again. But it was an accident and whilst I was annoyed initially accidents happen he didn't mean to do it. He has been trying to make it up to me and he is really upset about it.

My youngest is nonverbal so she won't have said anything to worry friend (not that there was anything to say)

OP posts:
Zarah123 · 07/07/2016 21:56

I'm sorry, OP, but I am angry at your husband in your behalf. Why was he running around near you, and at such a speed that he slammed into you and caused you to fall and break your bones?

Why has he only taken 2 days off work, does he not have more annual leave he could take? Why has it fallen to you to sort out childcare in his absence?

I would be furious if this was my DH, even if it was an accident. He behaved like an uncontrollable child. You seem to have taken it really well...too well I think.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 07/07/2016 22:36

he probably won't do it again.

probably??

Mrswelshcacen · 07/07/2016 22:43

He was messing around trying to catch the youngest out by running up behind her. He does it quite a bit with all the DCs though I don't think it will happen again now.

DH has a job were taking time off is difficult and inconvenient. He has already booked all his holidays. So the days he took off were impacted and it was agreed that it would be better for him to go in if we could find some on to help with the youngest.

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 07/07/2016 22:44

Your 'friend' is so out of order. Hope you are soon over your fall, I'm feeling sorry for you and for DH. 💐

shinynewusername · 07/07/2016 23:01

So your child is pre-verbal, yet your DH was running fast enough behind her to completely knock you off a chair?

I have the same concerns about this thread as lightdrizzle. I hope I am wrong. Please PM me if you need help.

Mrswelshcacen · 07/07/2016 23:08

Sorry if it wasn't clear
He wasn't running after her he was running around to try and catch her out whilst she wasn't facing him.
She as additional needs which is why she is not verbal not because she's a baby or anything.

OP posts:
UmbongoUnchained · 07/07/2016 23:20

You don't need to justify yourself OP.
Accidents happen, and this sounds like a totally plausible accident.