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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think my friend overreacted

87 replies

Mrswelshcacen · 07/07/2016 19:33

So I was standing on a chair cleaning the kitchen cupboards earlier on this week and DH was running around messing about with our youngest and he ran into the chair. The chair and I both went flying and I hit the tile floor really hard and to cut a long story short I have broken my wrist and sprained my ankle, my hip is also really bruised and swollen as well. It still really hurts however it was an accident.

DH feels awful about it and has been trying really hard to make it up to me because he feels awful.
He took a couple of days off work to help with the DCs but he had to go back today so I asked me friend if she would look after the youngest today.
When I asked her to help I told her briefly that I had fallen off a chair. I didn't go into anymore detail as it was over text which I tend to keep brief and I figured I would just tell her the story in person.

So she came over and took the youngest out for a bit and when she came back she asked me how it happened so I told her honestly.
She started getting upset and said she couldn't believe that I was still with DH and if her husband hurt her like that she would leave. I explained again that it was an accident and DH was very sorry about it. She said that I was just covering for him. I tried to explain myself again but she kept saying that she didn't believe me and I deserved better.

She then walked out of the house and came back saying she had called DH and our stories didn't match up. I asked her what he had said but she wouldn't tell me. She then told me that she was going to call the police if anything like this happens again and she walked out again.

DH came back about an hour later from work early really upset saying friend had called him and gave him a mouthful saying he was abusive and she was calling the police on him as I had told her that he hurts me all the time.

I have tried calling her since then but she won't answer but she has called two mutual friends telling them she was worried about me. But not mentioning why so they have then called me to check on me. One friend thinks this is ridiculous drama. However the other mutual friend agrees with friend and thinks DH lied to me about it being an accident.

I texted friend and asked her to talk to me as whilst I no she cares about me it has become a bit over-the top and I didn't really need a lot of drama at the moment. She text back saying that she was not over reacting. She also got mutual friend to text me saying that she agreed with friend.

So AIBU to think that friend is really overreacting. I'm really worried that she will call the police over this and that they may side with her.

OP posts:
jay55 · 07/07/2016 20:05

If she really thought you were being abused she would have to know that calling your husband was a risky thing to do as if he really was abusive he'd take it out on you after.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 07/07/2016 20:06

I have to say if she does think he is abusing you then she wasnt really helping you buy A) Telling him that you had been talking about it and B) abusing him on the phone. She was massively putting you at risk!

JackieAndHyde4eva · 07/07/2016 20:08

Xpost!

SabineUndine · 07/07/2016 20:09

She sounds like a shit stirring drama queen who's loving the attention she's getting. Dump her.

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 07/07/2016 20:09

From the sounds of it, your friend is a lunatic. Drop her.

Feel better soon.

April229 · 07/07/2016 20:09

Is it possible perhaps you child said something to worry her when she took him/ her out? From your post it sounds like it was after then that she came back concerned and not believing that it was an accident?

OnionKnight · 07/07/2016 20:11

She sounds like one of those annoying Mumsnetters who believes that all men are women beaters or something.

Ditch her.

AyeAmarok · 07/07/2016 20:15

I am going to agree with the shit-stirring drama queen angle.

I think this friend might be trouble.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 07/07/2016 20:20

Yes there must be more to this. He must hurt you on a regular basis. For sure. You're posting now because you're lying about this.

Hmm

OR you know, you're posting the truth & your 'friend' loves nothing more than being the centre of attention in a drama! (It's weird here some days, pay no heed!).

My reaction to your story would be 'Oh no. God I bet he feels awful. Idiot for running around you while you were on the chair though, still...I'm guessing he won't be doing that again! Shall I take LO tomorrow for you?'

Because, if I thought any of my friends husbands capable of this, we'd had already had a discussion about it and I'd have told her the spare bedroom was hers anytime her (and the kids) needed it etc. And I was here if she needed talk etc

WorraLiberty · 07/07/2016 20:23

She does sound like a couple of Mumsnetters I can think of Grin

I'd keep your distance from her completely OP.

She sounds like she creates drama so she can lap it up.

LordyMe · 07/07/2016 20:26

She sounds like a shit stirring drama queen who's loving the attention she's getting. Dump her

This ^^

She is being ridiculous and nasty. Id be beyond furious.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 07/07/2016 20:28

Hmm, I'm not sure. I read your OP like Hmm You ended up with broken bones and your DD could have been hurt yet there's not even a hint of 'he was an idiot'. Perhaps you are incredibly pragmatic but if one of my friends was at such pains not to criticise their DH in those circumstances then I would find it odd.
The fact that you didn't tell her the full story when you called could also have made her suspicious (as though you hadn't worked out your cover story yet).
ime good friends don't accuse people of DV without a massive backstory. I hope you are ok.

Barmcakebessie · 07/07/2016 20:28

I'm not sure about this. The friends reaction suggests something else. I think either this is bollocks or there is far more to this than meets the eye.

UmbongoUnchained · 07/07/2016 20:30

I know how you feel!!

I had a thread a little while ago about my friends being convinced my husband was beating me up because I had a black eye. He had a seizure in his sleep and hit me totally by accident. It went on for weeks of them trying to get me to go to the police and that, it's almost killed my poor husband. Things are back on track again now, but it took time and a lot of apologies.

Although your friend sounds like a twat so I'd just cut her off.

Pseudonym99 · 07/07/2016 20:30

Your friend should have had a go at you for standing on the chair. That wasn't a safe thing to do.

MadisonMontgomery · 07/07/2016 20:31

If she was genuinely concerned for your wellbeing she wouldn't have rung your DP - if he was abusing you there's a good chance she would have put you at more risk and surely anyone with a bit of common sense would realise that.

Rainbunny · 07/07/2016 20:32

Well her actions show that she is either very stupid or that she doesn't really believe your DH did this deliberately. If this was a genuine case of domestic abuse the last thing anyone should do is call up the alleged abuser directly and accuse them, this would infuriate the alleged abuser who would then take it out on the victim even more. What a stupid irresponsible thing to do. I'd be very angry with her tbh - accusing someone of a horrible crime is very serious.

BlueLeopard · 07/07/2016 20:32

Have you a history of being clumsy or being ill in a vague way that she might have added up 2 and 2 and getting 7? Or is he tight with money/ smart mouthed that gives them the impression that you are regularly subjected to other non-physical forms of abuse?

I think I'd actually talk to mutual friend and point out that a) by ringing your DH and telling him that you told her he was abusive, that if she really believed that, it was only putting you at even more risk and a massively idiotic thing to do. And b) Clearly she didn't even truly believe you were in harms way because she fucked right off in a huff when you didnt play along with her invented drama.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 07/07/2016 20:33

She's not a friend. Ditch her. Tell the other friend the first is talking bollocks. Do not let first friend back into yout life until she apologses to your Dh.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 07/07/2016 20:33

Arent your furious at your husband? Perhaps you are but it really doesnt come through in your post. I would be but i have no time at all for stupid carrying on like that.

clam · 07/07/2016 20:34

Well, I tripped on the stairs and broke my leg. Dh was around. No one thought for one moment that he might have implemented the accident.

So why has your friend leapt to this conclusion?

ShtoppenDerFloppen · 07/07/2016 20:38

My DH broke my wrist years ago by holding me the wrong way while we were sparring in martial arts. I never would have thought in a million years to "blame" him.

In all honesty, I would seriously consider distancing yourself from this "friend". She is going to cause nothing but grief.

dybil · 07/07/2016 20:39

YANBU and I would not easily forgive the friend without a full and frank apology to you and your husband.

Protonbomb · 07/07/2016 20:40

Ditch the 'friend'

mirime · 07/07/2016 20:41

Unless there's something you've not told us, she's a drama queen definitely.

My DH hit me in the face once in his sleep, he was absolutely mortified the next morning when I told him. Nobody I've mentioned it to has ever suggested it was deliberate!

Agree with the pp saying you shouldn't have been standing on the chair though.