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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have I overstepped the mark with this very personal present?

111 replies

JasmineBuckles · 06/07/2016 17:07

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year, we have a really great relationship, live together, talking about kids etc.

His dad died about 5 years ago, and the only things he's got of his dad's are 4 ties from the 70's. Everything else his dad's second wife got.

He showed me these ties about 6 months ago, talked about framing them, then put them back in a plastic bag in a box of junk where they've been ever since.

Today I got them out in secret and took them to a specialist framers for unusual items, put them into pairs and chose mounts and frames and paid for them up front. They'll tie them in Windsor knots and pin them all nicely, they've done sashes and medals for me in the past.

We have really similar taste, so I know he will like what I've chosen, it goes with the house etc but now I'm panicking in case I've done something that is too personal, or overstepped the mark. I deliberately left it six months in case he wanted to do it himself, but he hasn't and I thought I'd surprise him.

Have I been unreasonable in taking it upon myself to do this really personal thing?

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/07/2016 17:30

i think its a lovely idea, was a tad worried as thought you may have had the ties made in to a bear - so cut up etc

i did the same thing when dh died and have a shirt of his as a bear

but you havent :)

if he hates it then all he has to do is remove ties and un tie them

when are you giving?

Jessbow · 06/07/2016 17:33

Agree with above, if he doesn't like it, he can always remove the frame untie them .

I'd be chuffed

molyholy · 06/07/2016 17:34

Ahh that is lovely OP. In fact, it brought a little tear to my eye. Very thoughtful and I think he will really appreciate it.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 06/07/2016 17:37

I think it's lovely.
He can always take them out and untie them if he doesn't like it.
It doesn't have to be permanent

KC225 · 06/07/2016 17:37

Agree with the others, it is thoughtful and lovely.

VerbenaGirl · 06/07/2016 17:38

I think this is a lovely thing to do. My Dad died when I was in my teens, so my DH & DC never met him - but it means so much to me when they do things to help me remember him. And your DP indicated that this was something he'd like to do - so I can't imagine his reaction being anything but positive (if maybe a bit emotional - but that's fine).

Original poster

JasmineBuckles · 06/07/2016 17:38

They cost £170 for the pair, so quite expensive but they are forever, so I don't mind. They will be ready the middle of next week.

I think telling him if he wants them to stay in the cupboard then it's fine is a good idea.

He is definitely not a private person, he tells me everything about everything. He complains that I'm too private and don't tell him when something outside of the relationship upsets me. Maybe I'm projecting and he will think it's great.

OP posts:

BigDamnNCFail · 06/07/2016 17:39

I was holding my breath hoping you hadn't had them cut up & sewn into a cushion or something

^^This. I thought you were going to say you'd had them made into something and would have said that was massively overstepping.

But, what you've done is what you know he had planned anyway and is totally reversible if, for whatever reason, he decides he doesn't want them framed.

I think it sounds lovely.

eggpoacher · 06/07/2016 17:39

That's a lovely gift, and the fact that you have done it for him makes it even better. It's both a testimony to his dad and to how much you care about him.

ALemonyPea · 06/07/2016 17:42

Inthinkmits a lovely thing to do and I hope they are well received. Please do update when you're given them to him.

ALemonyPea · 06/07/2016 17:42

*I think it's

tinyterrors · 06/07/2016 17:46

I think it's lovely. Definitely tell him you don't mind if he's not ready to put them up yet when you give them to him, my mum died three years ago and it's still very difficult to look at photos and things of hers even though I want to.

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead · 06/07/2016 17:49

Absolutely lovely gift, very thoughtful

Don't think it's overstepping as he told you what he wanted to do abs has had several years to do it if he wanted to specially himself

Monroe · 06/07/2016 17:54

I think it's a lovely idea also.

When I was first with my now DH I did something similar. His DM had passed away 4 years before we met and his most prized possession was a tatty old black and white torn photograph of her and her DF, DH's favourite grandad who had also died. He kept it in the back of a file holder with all his old paperwork. For his birthday I had it digitally remastered (if that's what you call it) and got 2 prints and framed it. He was genuinely touched, even more so that I'd got a second one for his sister.

Both now still have pride of place in ours and SIL'S living rooms 15 years later

MilicentKing · 06/07/2016 17:56

I think it's lovely.

The deciding factor for me would be whether anything I did could be undone with no change to the ties. It sounds like this is not the case. I hope your BF is suitably delighted.

EttaJ · 06/07/2016 17:57

Such a wonderful idea and so thoughtful. I think he will love it! Let us know OP

MudCity · 06/07/2016 17:57

An nspired gift. Just lovely!

You have no need to worry....it's the sort of thing he might never have got round to doing so I am sure he will be thrilled. And if, God forbid, he doesn't like it, they can be remounted and reframed so not a problem.

ParisGellar · 06/07/2016 17:58

Sounds lovely OP, what a thoughtful gesture. Hopefully he will see it that way.

MilicentKing · 06/07/2016 17:58

I mean that if (for some reason) he doesn't like it, the ties can be removed and no damage done.

Comeonmommy · 06/07/2016 18:01

I think it is an amazingly, beautiful, thoughtful idea. I've done something similar for my dh and it bought a tear to his eye. As you say, if you have got it wrong, he just takes them out of the frames - no harm done. I hope he loves it X

LordyMe · 06/07/2016 18:02

I think it's a lovely idea but I wouldn't have done it without asking first. I think it's too personal an issue.

Hopefully he will like them though. . I think telling him that he can pop them in a cupboard if he wants is a good idea -

OlennasWimple · 06/07/2016 18:02

I think it's lovely. And if for some reason he disagrees, they can be taken out of the frame and he can do what he wants with them, surely?

OlennasWimple · 06/07/2016 18:03

Epic X post..,

ChardonnayKnickertonSmythe · 06/07/2016 18:06

I would have hated someone to do this for me.
I would have wanted to do this myself, when I was ready, on my own.

You overstepped the mark badly, as far as I'm concerned.

BoneyBackJefferson · 06/07/2016 18:10

I would think that this was fantastic.

A (hopfully) helpful hint, when you hang them don't put them in sunlight.

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