To refuse the baby bath

[Musereader]

My Dp has had an unexpected visitor today who has travelled on 3 buses for nearly 2 hours to get to our place with a baby bath and is asking for £20 for it. Im at work and have not seen it, but said i have said no as i googled quickly and saw you can get a new one for £18 from m&s let alone cheaper from a multitude of other places. And my sis has already offered hers that she does not use for free.

He feels obligated to take it due to the trouble she's gone to and told me she will take 15 for it, i tried to get him to offer 10 but he won't budge as he feels bad. Aibu if i refuse to give him the money?

I hope I am wrong, but want to let you know my experience. When I had trouble with a compulsive spending partner, and took charge to stop them, they started getting payday loans without my knowledge. It started on something relatively small, but each month they got a higher one to pay off the last one. That did not end well, but luckily they did learn their lesson and got in control of their spending. But only after it got very fucked up.

Ltb. Seriously. You won't change him. The man is an idiot.

It is exhausting to dole money out to him each month and have him continually asking for extra money for giving away/ fripperies.

When you have a baby you won't have the time, energy or inclination for babysitting his finances.

I would also worry that he might be prone to payday loans etc.

Definitely don't marry him as this would link your finances.

In honesty I would tell him to move out. He can be involved in your child's life of course, and insist he contributes financially to your child as his first priority each month. You could even continue a relationship living separately if you want. But I wouldn't want to 'parent' his spending.

This whole situation is bizzare. He is either quite thick or the whole thing is just an attempt to get money out of you i.e. I would suspect the he wasn't paying for the bath but is using it as an excuse to get £15. It is the kind of thing that BIL would do.

I agree with the PP who said the baby bath is the least of your worries, why is your partner giving away money? Does he ever get any of it back? Sounds like he has given a false impression of how much he earns and now feels he has to keep up appearances. There is no way he should be giving away money if you have a baby (or one on the way).

Regarding the baby bath, I think on this occasion you should bite the bullet and give £15 (providing it is in a decent condition) only for the fact it appears he has agreed to pay for it so it is his fault, not the fault of the person selling it. Who is the person selling it? Is it someone he knows or just through one of those facebook selling sites?

This guy must be an awesome lay, otherwise I can't see any other redeeming features that would make me want to procreate with someone like this.

he has been wanting to cover up a tattoo since december, which he hasn't done

Tattoos are near the top of the "absolute luxury" list and should not be factored into normal spending. I am heavily tattooed and have plans for more but I just got married, I have some of my own debt to sort out and then we're going to buy a house so a new tattoo is at the very bottom of my priority list.

He is an overgrown toddler and I can't fathom why you're having a child with him.

I think you have to pay this person for the bath as your do has promised. This person must really need the money and for that reason when they have travelled and scraped together bus fare you really can't not buy it when he has promised.

After that, you should ditch this useless DP of yours unless you want to spend your life giving him pocket money.

Oh dear. You know that the next time he wants money he'll use this excuse again, "but I've PROMISED him I'd go to the pub/stag do/whatever, he's come all this way!"