To refuse the baby bath

[Musereader]

My Dp has had an unexpected visitor today who has travelled on 3 buses for nearly 2 hours to get to our place with a baby bath and is asking for £20 for it. Im at work and have not seen it, but said i have said no as i googled quickly and saw you can get a new one for £18 from m&s let alone cheaper from a multitude of other places. And my sis has already offered hers that she does not use for free.

He feels obligated to take it due to the trouble she's gone to and told me she will take 15 for it, i tried to get him to offer 10 but he won't budge as he feels bad. Aibu if i refuse to give him the money?

Oh I couldn't be doing with that.

Did his dad take his wage because he was a controlling bully or because his son's so shit with money?

Swap him for tax credits.

He is a fucking liability ! And your having a baby with him 😁

i think i agree with happy, he doesn't sound like a functioning adult, he must have a lot of redeeming other qualities.

Our baby bath cost less than that and it was new

Ridiculously overpriced baby bath is the least of your worries :(

Tell him if he buys it he can sell it. Plus what everyone else said.

It sounds like your newborn will be more responsible than your partner. I have no clue why you would even consider having a child with this man.

What's your plan op?

I think the visitor is desperate for money. Up to you whether you cough up...extortionate price though.

Hmmm paid £7 for a new one with DS1 and never used it. Angelcare seat is much better. No wonder she got the bus etc. Money for old rope.

ah.. What snotgoblin said. 'Twas £8!

Just pay the poor person for the bath and be done with it, since he misled her and caused her to incur the bus fare.

But you have a real problem. Pathological overspending like that is very hard to cure and leads to absolute misery for the spender's family members. You need to demand that he get therapy for this disorder just as you would if he were alcoholic. It is very hard to change them, and they will drag you down.

The "going into a rage" when he can't gratify his whims is very worrisome.

I know you only posted about a baby bath, and you probably weren't looking for a dissection of your relationship, but you are aware that you are letting yourself in for a life of unrelenting distress and anxiety by staying with this man, right?

£6 in Ikea, £7.99 in Boots.

But, like other posters, I think the bath is the least of your problems. I think the only person who can control your DP's spending is your DP.

"Just pay the poor person for the bath and be done with it"

What? Pay the person who tried to charge £20 for a second hand baby bath? I wouldn't.

My ds' dad was rubbish with money. He thought nothing of spending money here and there for things like clothes, computer games and takeaways and then ending up with no money to pay the rent. I could not go back to spending my life worrying about whether i would lose my house or not.

Ikea sells one for £6. Yanbu..wow £20 thats alot.

I say pay the person because he/she was lured there by the partner's offer to buy the bath. It's not like he/she showed up with no encouragement at all. Why should he/she be out the bus fare and be disappointed of a sale because the "D" P can't control himself? No one twisted his arm to accept the offered price.

icanteven is correct, this is the prelude to a lifetime of worry, anxiety and misery over money. I used to do a form of financial counseling and have seen it a million times. These overspenders sap the lifeblood out of their spouses. It ends up affecting health, where the family can (afford to) live, retirement, educational opportunities and more - far beyond the bank account.

Muse I suspect you already know this but you need to sit down and have a good talk to yourself

Talking to him has done you no good. You need to work out whether you can do this for the rest of your life. If not, kick him out now, whilst you aren't utterly sunk by his debt and poor spending choices.

I can't imagine being in your position, having to bail out other adults with your hard earned cash.

Bluntly, as pp has said, swap him for tax credits...

He's just trying to manipulate you.

Don't fall for it.

He's a stupid fucking idiot too. I don't know how on earth you could fancy someone so infantile enough to make a baby!

Do not pay there person!!!

Yes, it's embarrassing but it's his embarrassment. His fault. And he needs to explain and apologise, and feel uncomfortable and shit.

Then maybe he'll think twice before putting himself in the same position again.

I agree with Aye do not pay - this will never end!

I would get your DP a basic bank account with no overdraft options. I would transfer his spending money on a weekly basis (or daily if really needed. Monthly would be too hard for him to understand) and make sure that he knows that's all he's getting. It might teach him how to budget or he will learn to put up with being hungry.

So was there a bath when you got home OP?

Yes, there was, because we are both soft touches