To refuse the baby bath

[Musereader]

My Dp has had an unexpected visitor today who has travelled on 3 buses for nearly 2 hours to get to our place with a baby bath and is asking for £20 for it. Im at work and have not seen it, but said i have said no as i googled quickly and saw you can get a new one for £18 from m&s let alone cheaper from a multitude of other places. And my sis has already offered hers that she does not use for free.

He feels obligated to take it due to the trouble she's gone to and told me she will take 15 for it, i tried to get him to offer 10 but he won't budge as he feels bad. Aibu if i refuse to give him the money?

Tell him if he accepts it, then he can eBay it!

That's really odd, surely the six buses (there and back) will cost her about £20?

The bath is pointless, don't bother with one. But as an aside, why are you able to log into his Facebook account?!

Are you sure he's not trying to pull a fast one and it's £5 for the baby bath and £15 for a bit of extra spending money?

He says "oh god, so sorry, just spoken to Musereader, seems her sister has given her their old one already, so we don't need this. Really sorry for messing you about, pop it on eBay."

My bus area does day passes for around £5.

He's committed to paying something, but didn't want to admit it.

He needs to pay it, out of his money.

The treating him like a child tactic, usually doesn't work, but your in a tough place, especially with being pregnant.

if it's true, i feel the woman must honestly be desperate, but I do also wonder if your DH is spinning you a line, it seems a lot for a baby bath, everyone knows £20 is pricey even for a new one, it's a bit of plastic you have for about 6 months.

If he's committed to buying it then I think it's too late. Does he have any personal spending money? It should come out of that.

diddl she asked if he knew anybody that wants one, he says we do, ill pay for it she says £20, maybe £15. im sure i said the first time he asked that my sister has one that she does not bother using like most people have said here but he has a memory like a sieve.

Frog he does, i will go over the expenses one day and say we have £xxx left for food and indulgences this month so he says i want £xx for ABC, the next day he will ask again and i will go over the same figures again and he says so i have £xx for DEF and i say what about ABC you wanted?, a few weeks later i go through it again and say we have £yyy left and he asks why its less and ill be like we had to give your dad £40 and your sis £70 and your friend £20 and your other friend £15 and someone else £20, because they all have 'less' than us and 'need it more', i keep trying to point out that we do but not by much - they may get less in but don't have to pay rent or council tax because they are on benefits or living with parents so while we do have £2-300 to spare each month he keeps giving it away!

Reading the whole thead, I'd say the £20 baby bath is the least of either of your worries.

Well if you're sure that you told him about your sister's offer & this person has just turned up, then it has to be a no.

When they said £15/£120 is should have been a no then.

Do you think that they have turned up unexpectedly as they think/know that he won't be able to send them away without paying what they ask?

muse it sounds wearing but eventually after a few months of giving his money away and not being able to spend it on himself, either he'll stop doing that or he'll find a balance between helping his extended family and his personal spending. Make really sure he's not taking more debt out in his name though if you can...

I think you have to pay for it because he agreed and it is not the other person's fault that your dp is a plank.
The bigger problem is that he appears to learn nothing. You could tell him that you will pay this time but next time he will hsve yo face the embarrassment of telling the friend he has no money and reneging on an agreement. I would also force him to make up the loss by sacrificing his own personal spends. But tbh, I would be really uncomfortable having to parent my own partner. It must be totally exhausting and not at all attractive.

This is so bizarre. Why is he giving money away??

The 3 buses sounds like they are trying to guilt you into giving money away.

OP, is this relationship worth the stress??

How can he be so dense with money? He sounds like a child with no concept of where money goes.

He offered to buy it and he gave her your address,so yes he does have to pay her for it. She didn't just stalk you and rock up uninvited with it for no reason. She must be desperate or he's lying. Doesn't sound at all normal, any of it.

Arfarfanarf this is the thing, we have been doing this every month since october last year, he has literally gone hungry before when his dad refused to give him any more of his money (up until last month it was paid into his dads account but has moved in with me since 30 may when his dad threatened to beat him up bacuse he had his wages in may paid into my account) and he has alternatley raged and sulked that he cannot pay for what he wants - he has been wanting to cover up a tatto since december, which he hasn't done. Now im doing what his dad did, taking all of his money to cover what he overspent last month and leaving him with £100 which he spent within 3 days, he then says take it out of my wages next month, i point out to him that i am already taking it all next month to pay the £800 due on the credit card in August - he does not have any room to borrow it from next month but he goes into a rage and won't listen.

Hes a fucking twat.

My baby bath was second hand given to me by my boss (I was her childrens nanny) it had done her two, then my four and have just sold it on the car boot in perfect condition for £2 to a new grandma of twins, so she could have it at her house as a spare, it's 16 years old :)

It does sound bizare really, he's clearly in the mind set he wants to please other people by giving away money, that he's 'made it' if others are on benefits and struggling and doesn't want to admit he's got to be on a budget too.

Let him say no or take it out of his own money.

He does sound like a child, and a young one too, my 6 year old is beginning to understand budgetting with pocket money and what things are worth, by teenage years, you really want your DCs to have understood about money.

I would say he gets an amount each month that's for him. HE can do what he likes with it, but once it's gone, it's gone. If he gives it all away, he can't come and ask you for anymore. You'll put food in the fridge and pay the bills (and make sure he's aware of the bills!), but if he has no cash, he has no cash. If you have £300 a month left over, not including food, then he should get £100 of that for him, you get £100 and £100 goes in savings. (obviously ignore if the £300 has to cover food too).

I think my brand new baby bath from John Lewis cost £8. You are being done like a kipper. I will jump on three buses to hawk you mine for £15?

oh just seen your last post, get rid. He's not a grown up. You should get child support directly from his wage. Sod being expected to keep another child.

at your latest post.
I really think a £20 baby bath is the least of your problems tbh. Why were his wages going into his dad's account? Why did he not have his own bank account?