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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask how many of you would consider ending your lives at Dignitas or a similar clinic when you are elderly?

214 replies

signedsealeddelivered · 05/07/2016 22:17

I've seen old age and I don't like the look of it. My family, genetically, all die of the same thing and it is not a pleasant death. It is a slow, suffering, confusing one where the mind and the body are both affected. I realise not everybody's experience is like this, but just wondered if these thoughts enter other people's heads too?

I don't see old age as pleasant (I mean 80--85+) Your partner is likely to die before you if you're a woman and you're straight, your friends die, your children have their own lives and you have very little to give them apart from financially (which you could also do via an inheritance.) You're hardly physically up for childcare of Grandchildren or extensive travel. If you have a dog or a pet, it's difficult to walk it or care for it. There are often a few chronic health problems if not a few serious health problems too. Illnesses hit you harder, falls hit you harder. You often stop driving and lose your freedom. There's also confusion, memory loss, muddling things up. Then there's the physical, emotional or financial burden you would potentially put on your family if you had to go into a home or receive care.

This is not a state I'd want to live in while the essentials of my body continued to tick over, and I'd rather take matters into my own hands and decide when I pass away.

I'm just wondering if this is a common thought amongst others too?

OP posts:
SoHereItIs2016 · 06/07/2016 18:20

Some deaths are truly horrendous even with good palliative care.
There are some illnesses I wouldn't want to see out to the bitter end.
I have seen people die and supported them in their final hours, sometimes it's 'ok' sometimes not.
One day we will look. All on these times and wonder how as a civilised society we thought it ok to deprive people of rights over their own bodies.😥

ALemonyPea · 06/07/2016 18:23

DH and I were just discussing this the other night. I would, if I had a debilitating illness, terminal cancer or dementia/Alzheimer's.

Having watched both my in laws die from cancer, one within weeks of diagnosis, the other slowly over a year, I would want to go fast if I had a terminal diagnosis.

I definitely wouldn't want to burden my children. The feelings I had towards my MIL were awful at times, and I'd hate for my children to feel the same as I did.

OnlyTheWelshCanCwtch · 06/07/2016 18:29

Yes I would, and if my quality of life was going to be affected by an illness at a younger age I would do it then as well
I watched my mum die of cancer, and am currently watching my father slowly slipping into the grip of dementia.
If I had the option for either of the I would do it in a heartbeat. The loss of dignity Mum went through and what my father is going through far outweighs any guilt I would feel.
We don't make our animals suffer, yet make our humans go through hell

HicDraconis · 06/07/2016 18:37

specialsubject I have seen the picture. I am still against assisted dying.

Savagebeauty · 06/07/2016 18:39

Its nothing to do with age.
I don't want to be a burden, in pain and with no quality of life
And that is my decision.
Bollocks to anyone who tries to impose their Po faced platitudes on me.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 06/07/2016 18:41

Alzheimer's, Huntington's are not easy illnesses for the patient or the family. But neither are conditions like schizophrenia.

With respect, schizophrenia is not on the same level.

VegoFemme · 06/07/2016 18:42

I would do it now at the age of 29 if it was legal in a heartbeat.

Iggi999 · 06/07/2016 18:48

I would not, but then I don't currently have an incurable and painful illness.
I've had several family members living into their 80s (and beyond) with shed loads more to give and get out of life than an inheritance, that part of your OP makes me quite angry.

icanteven · 06/07/2016 19:02

Firstly, I want to live forever. I want every single second there is. Luckily, both sides of my family have form for living very long, healthy lives (apart from unfortunate circumstances outside the person's control here and there). I don't even think that cancer has carried anybody off on either side, even though my Nanna had a pretty spectacular tumour once (I believe she beat cancer through sheer hate - something she had quite a lot of).

However, when I'm 103 years old, riddled with cancer, in constant pain and unable to breathe unaided, I might reluctantly accept that it might be nice to just fall asleep in dignified, peaceful surroundings.

I think that access to assisted dying is a necessity in our society, where we have created the facility to keep people alive so brutally efficiently, whether they want it or not. (Obv. it's a good facility! We just need a break clause.)

Whatthefoxgoingon · 06/07/2016 19:05

I would definitely consider it depending on the circumstances.

Janeymoo50 · 06/07/2016 19:09

I'm not sure I'd be brave enough. I watched my 80 year old mum die a pretty sad death (but all death is sad iyswim). She wouldn't have been able to make that choice though. I wish I could have made things "easier" for her though, as there were times (God forbid me for saying this), when in the very darkest days before she died when I thought to myself that we don't let animals suffer like this.

I'm probably talking nonsense.

CrazyDuchess · 06/07/2016 19:09

I would do it in a heart beat

Vlier · 06/07/2016 19:17

I live in the Netherlands where euthanasia is possible. I have seen it done twice to people painfully dying of cancer and it is a very quiet, easy and quick way to go. They put you to sleep and then they give you something in a syringe and you start dying immediately. It is very quick. I would do it in the same situation. You are only dying a little earlier than natural and much more dignified than if you stay alive. I don't understand why it is illegal in so many countries.

Vickyyyy · 06/07/2016 19:19

I would do it.

My mother once sat me down and asked me if she ever gets to the point where she couldn't kill herself but she wanted to die, would I help her. That was a lovely conversation :(

Vlier · 06/07/2016 19:22

Oh and for the people who think its a cold way to go: at one of these deaths the docter was stroking the patients hair and saying a heartfelt goodbye before he did it.

ALemonyPea · 06/07/2016 19:23

Out of interest, does anyone know how much it costs?

Fadingmemory · 06/07/2016 19:25

Not for being elderly, but if terminally ill and in pain I would consider it.

ForalltheSaints · 06/07/2016 19:39

Never. I don't agree with it and so would never be a hypocrite.

notagiraffe · 06/07/2016 19:47

Definitely. My mum's worst fear when she was younger was that she'd get dementia. She now has dementia. It was the way she least wanted her life to end. It's heartbreaking. I'd far rather decide I'd had a great life and it wouldn't get any better, and go to sleep quietly, having said proper goodbyes, than have my DC stressed out of their minds with worry while juggling work, kids, finances etc.

goddessoftheharvest · 06/07/2016 19:48

No. I really don't think so. I think it should be legal, but I don't think I could do it myself

I think it's the fact it's so planned and definite. The thought makes me shudder. I am the world's biggest procrastinator.
Also.....again on a purely personal level....something about it just makes me feel uncomfortable in ways I can't explain.

QueenLaBeefah · 06/07/2016 20:01

I would definitely like the choice.

ArcticMumkey · 06/07/2016 20:04

I would do it. I watched my Grandad have a slow Parkinsons related death and I wouldn't want to go that way, no dignity and no freedom for such a previously proud man. It was heartbreaking.

GravitasFreeZone · 06/07/2016 20:14

At 70+ - definitely. Death scares me and I need to be in control.

Iggi999 · 06/07/2016 20:16

Does no one look at how governments treat the disabled or vulnerable, and have at least one wee shiver about what some planner somewhere could try to implement to save on medical costs?

FreeFromHarm · 06/07/2016 20:19

I have put in my will that I would like to be euthanized, if I have no quality of life, hope that came out right.

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