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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask how many of you would consider ending your lives at Dignitas or a similar clinic when you are elderly?

214 replies

signedsealeddelivered · 05/07/2016 22:17

I've seen old age and I don't like the look of it. My family, genetically, all die of the same thing and it is not a pleasant death. It is a slow, suffering, confusing one where the mind and the body are both affected. I realise not everybody's experience is like this, but just wondered if these thoughts enter other people's heads too?

I don't see old age as pleasant (I mean 80--85+) Your partner is likely to die before you if you're a woman and you're straight, your friends die, your children have their own lives and you have very little to give them apart from financially (which you could also do via an inheritance.) You're hardly physically up for childcare of Grandchildren or extensive travel. If you have a dog or a pet, it's difficult to walk it or care for it. There are often a few chronic health problems if not a few serious health problems too. Illnesses hit you harder, falls hit you harder. You often stop driving and lose your freedom. There's also confusion, memory loss, muddling things up. Then there's the physical, emotional or financial burden you would potentially put on your family if you had to go into a home or receive care.

This is not a state I'd want to live in while the essentials of my body continued to tick over, and I'd rather take matters into my own hands and decide when I pass away.

I'm just wondering if this is a common thought amongst others too?

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 05/07/2016 22:37

Whomping - I have watched so many people die of brain tumours, they are truly horrific, one of the worst type of cancers I think. I'm sorry to read you are going though this with a family member.

alltouchedout · 05/07/2016 22:37

I'll do it at home if at all possible. I'd prefer not to go somewhere just to die. But if home wasn't possible, yes, I'd do it then.

ButEmilylovedhim · 05/07/2016 22:37

Yes I have thought about it a lot. I hope euthanasia will be accepted and much more easily accessed by the time I am elderly. I believe I would prefer it to living in great pain or poverty or if my quality of life is very low.

dudsville · 05/07/2016 22:37

I will

ArfurFacksake · 05/07/2016 22:38

Modwolvesrock Flowers

Definitely.
Have made my feelings very clear to my family too.

The documentary Simon's Choice sealed the deal for me.

claraschu · 05/07/2016 22:38

People think they would decide to die, but people who have Alzheimers seem to wait too long, and then don't have the capacity to make the decision. It is heartbreaking for everyone.

signedsealeddelivered · 05/07/2016 22:39

Modwolvesrock Tue 05-Jul-16 22:34:58
I wish we could all just be more honest about the realities of old age

I totally agree Modwolvesrock. I feel that there is actually a relatively small window to get ones things in order before you do reach a point, albeit a slow deterioration, where you cannot organise the logistics of it.

OP posts:
Salmiak · 05/07/2016 22:39

Yes, I would. My mother chose to be euthanised when her cancer became too painful, (in netherlands). I didn't find out till I was in my 20s (she died when I was 6), and it took me a while to come to terms with her choice but she was in agony and it was terminal - she hung on for as long as she could but rather than postpone a very painful and drawn out inevitable end she had an injection and fell into a pain free sleep.

DreamingofItaly · 05/07/2016 22:46

My mum and I have an agreement. If she gets too old/senile/broken to care for herself and have her independence, I'll take her to Switzerland. If something happens to me and I end up with a crappy quality of life she'll switch me off/take me away.

It's horrible to think about but you don't let a pet die a horrible painful death, why would I let my mum?

DancingDinosaur · 05/07/2016 22:48

Salmiak Sad

gabsdot · 05/07/2016 22:55

I won't. Like a PP I'm also religious and I believe only God should take life away. I'll take each day that I'm given and make the best of it.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 05/07/2016 22:59

Yes I would. And I promised a family member I'd take them if they ever wanted to go.

maggiethemagpie · 05/07/2016 23:00

It's like in the film Still Alice, Julianne Moore's character tries to leave instructions for herself to kill herself when her alzheimers gets worse, but by the time she's at the point where she's ill enough to justify killing herself she's too ill to be able to follow the instructions. So it may not work for that kind of illness, a more physical one then yes. Not for something like depression though, it would have to be a degenerative physical condition.

lougle · 05/07/2016 23:01

Who judges quality of life? I love this poem:
"Crabbit Old Woman"

What do you see, what do you see?
Are you thinking, when you look at me-
A crabbit old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice,
I do wish you'd try.
Who seems not to notice the things that you do
And forever is loosing a stocking or shoe.
Who, unresisting or not; lets you do as you will
With bathing and feeding the long day is fill.
Is that what you're thinking,
Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes,
nurse, you're looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still!
As I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of 10 with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who loved one another-
A young girl of 16 with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet,
A bride soon at 20- my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At 25 now I have young of my own
Who need me to build a secure happy home;
A woman of 30, my young now grow fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last;
At 40, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn;
At 50 once more babies play around my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread,
For my young are all rearing young of their own.
And I think of the years and the love that I've known;
I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel-
Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart,
But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells,
I remember the joy, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years all too few- gone too fast.
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last-
So open your eyes, nurse, open and see,
Not a crabbit old woman, look closer-
See Me."

I think as we get older we realise that we still feel the same on the inside. There is still so much to live for.

People who do want to have control over their end (I don't judge, but my faith calls me to trust in my Father for my life) often leave it just that little too late, to the point that they can't prove they are competent to make the choice. It's very sad. Sad

Griphook · 05/07/2016 23:05

I won't. Like a PP I'm also religious and I believe only God should take life away. I'll take each day that I'm given and make the best of it. I've often thought about this, how/what do you think when your are being medication that almost keeps you alive, I don't mean life support, but cancer treatment? if you stopped taking that and died would that be gods will. I'm not being provocative, am genuinely interested

Muddledupme · 05/07/2016 23:07

I'm all up for it well researched just waiting. Shame it can't be simpler in this country but if it's worth fighting for etc

Brownfiesta · 05/07/2016 23:08

I would go to somewhere like Dignitias but it's expensive - I think I read somewhere that it cost about £7k to go to Dignitas so only an option for the relatively affluent.

WhoisLucasHood · 05/07/2016 23:09

Absolutely. I don't want to be infirm, bed bound and constantly in pain. I have no problem doing it myself, I'm not afraid of dying, more afraid of withering in a care home or hospice.

Sallystyle · 05/07/2016 23:10

Absolutely.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 05/07/2016 23:15

Definitely. If I was in pain. You're not living anyway, are you. You're just existing. I wouldn't want to be a bloody burden.
After all we do it for animals, don't we

Shizzlestix · 05/07/2016 23:26

Definitely, yes. I've already told the DH to shoot me. I don't want to be a burden, nor do I want to be decrepit, with someone having to look after me. I shudder at the thought.

Paniniswapx3 · 05/07/2016 23:28

I would.

That poem is so true Lougle, made me cry!

Destinysdaughter · 05/07/2016 23:37

After seeing what both my parents have gone through with severe stroke and dementia, yes definitely!

Destinysdaughter · 05/07/2016 23:45

Part of the problem is with something like Dignitas, you still have to have the mental capacity to give consent. Once you've lost that, then you lose all control over what happens to you.

I wish we could make a kind of living will, which states that if you have a stroke/Alzheimers etc, what your wishes are. Sadly, nothing like that exists at present. It terrifies me and I think about it a lot. I really wish we could have a grown up conversation about it in this country and discuss the concept of a 'good death'. After all, it's going to happen to each and every one of us eventually.

Costacoffeeplease · 06/07/2016 00:02

Absolutely, I live with almost constant pain, when I decide I've had enough, then one way or another, I'll sort it

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