Asking my husband to come home from work earlier to help with children

[mathsy]

So DS1 is 3.5 and DS2 is 1.5. My husband has very flexible working hours (can basically be in at any time he wants and leave when he wants). I work 3.5 days a week but have to be in very early. So our arrangement is that he gets the DCs ready and into nursery in the morning. This typically takes 30 mins and then a 5 minute walk to nursery (they have breakfast there). I pick them up, cook tea, give them tea and play with them.

On paper this sounds good. But.....when my husband drops them off at nursery he comes back home, reads the newspaper, goes for a run, has a leisurely breakfast, leisurely shower and gets into work about 10.30. This means he gets in from work about 7.30 (after I've put the kids to bed). So every evening I'm having to do absolutely everything. Their tea, our tea, baths, bedtime, stories, washing up, tidying toys away.

AIBU to ask that my husband stops faffing about in the mornings, gets into work earlier so he can help with evening stuff? I know he does the mornings but I feel like this is a lot less work than I do.

Yanbu.

Yanbu

What an absolute twat.

He's shirking. OK, so he drops off, big deal. You pick up, get them home. He should be home for bath and bed, if not tea, Don't they have tea at Nursery?

YADNBU
I'd be beyond pissed off about this. Get him into work by 9. He could do the run thing once a week and go other times in the evening.

They have a light tea at nursery and the older one is often still hungry so I have to make something.

So glad you all think I'm NBU. Morning drop off is a piece of piss isn't it? Every time I moan to him about it he bellyaches about how much work he's got to do. And I keep telling him to get into work earlier!

Yanbu. Dh is nearly always back for dinner at 6. Mine are 2 and 4 and are tired and hungry after nursery - no way am I dealing with that on my own 5 nights a week!

Ask him to come home earlier and preferably make plans at least one evening a week to leave the house before their bedtime.

The end of the day slot is the hardest too, the kids are tired and trying to get two up and into bed is hard work.

YANBU, what a lazy sod.

YANBU I would be fuming about this arrangement!

YANBU.

Work on the basis that each of you should have equal free time.

So if he's getting, say, an hour free to himself every weekday (between drop off and commute), you should get 5 hours to yourself at some point.

Perhaps he should look after the DC by himself every Saturday from 2.30 to 7.30?

If you put it like that he might choose to go in earlier and come home earlier

Ok good! My work colleagues think I do way more than my fair share. MIL thinks he is "so good with them" and won't hear a word said against him.

I might join an exercise class that means I miss one bedtime a week. You've all given me the kick up the bottom I needed.

Yanbu...but id start at asking for him to try and do 2 early evenings as a start..so it doesn't feel like you are taking all his fun away as a start!

Also get him to unload dishwasher/peel spuds if he's hanging around the house...might make him more tempted to go to work 😀

YADNBU.

Good lord in heaven that won't do! As a parent you don't get to use your flexible working hours to have a leisurely morning at home whilst abdicating your evening duties! You use them to make life easier for everyone in the family, especially the other parent. Both DH and I have a similarly flexible schedule, but we use it to make sure we get to spend more time together as a family. I go running at 6am and keep my evening classes to 2 nights a week to minimise the impact of my hobbies on the family. Your DH needs to grow up and realise that he can't be carving his me time out of family time without exhausting all other options first.

If he was coming back to clean the house/do laundry/get the big shop in then I'd be more understanding

But he is just having "downtime".

When is yours?

Before he goes to work he can prep dinner, put on washing, strip beds, empty dishwasher, Hoover, empty bins, bit of dusting, maybe even fit in a supermarket shop.

Proper piss take! Why on earth does he take the kids to nursery at 8am (must be this early if they give breakfast) if he doesn't work til 1030, why doesn't he feed them at home and drop them in later, thus reducing their nursery hours a bit and increasing his time with them? I'd be fuming. Of course yanbu.

I love the idea of giving him a list of stuff to do in the mornings - I'd get him to prepare the evening meal, put a wash on, washing away, empty dishwater, reload etc etc. He'd soon realise!

What time are you picking them up?

There is no way I'd put up with this arrangement on many levels including considering how unfair it is to your little ones.....so they get hustled off in the morning so he can faff about, then they get bare minimum family time in the evening because he's making up for his poor time management.

Err, no

Nursery is open from 7.30 and I typically pick them up about 5pm. I keep telling him if he came home about 6pm it would make my life about a thousand times easier. He might do it for a couple of days, but then just slips back into his bad habits and complains that he can't get all his work done.

Yanbu.

I see nothing wrong at all with still having a nice life and hobbies when dc arrive.

BUT, it needs to be equal. I would say, he could do that 2/3 times per week, but the other 2/3, he starts work after drop off, and you go out as soon as he's home, around 5 or whenever, only coming home after dc are in bed. That's fair, current situation isn't.

YANBU but it's such a familiar scenario unfortunately. Lots of good suggestions here. Good luck!