Asking my husband to come home from work earlier to help with children

[mathsy]

So DS1 is 3.5 and DS2 is 1.5. My husband has very flexible working hours (can basically be in at any time he wants and leave when he wants). I work 3.5 days a week but have to be in very early. So our arrangement is that he gets the DCs ready and into nursery in the morning. This typically takes 30 mins and then a 5 minute walk to nursery (they have breakfast there). I pick them up, cook tea, give them tea and play with them.

On paper this sounds good. But.....when my husband drops them off at nursery he comes back home, reads the newspaper, goes for a run, has a leisurely breakfast, leisurely shower and gets into work about 10.30. This means he gets in from work about 7.30 (after I've put the kids to bed). So every evening I'm having to do absolutely everything. Their tea, our tea, baths, bedtime, stories, washing up, tidying toys away.

AIBU to ask that my husband stops faffing about in the mornings, gets into work earlier so he can help with evening stuff? I know he does the mornings but I feel like this is a lot less work than I do.

JackieandHyde - OP hasn't established what happens at weekends.

She has established what happens the other 5 days of the week. He isnt chomping at the bit to either keep them at home until he goes to work at 10.30 or work earlier so he can finish earlier and have dinner with them/bath them/play with them. Which he absolutely can do. That says enough really.

Why don't you suggest you change nursery hours to 9- 5.. He could then do his bit of the childcare in the morning..A bit more money in your pocket

I agree. Why pay for childcare whilst there is a parent at home? And if he disagrees then book them into childcare on the day and a half you arent working. If its good enough for him its good enough for you.

It seems fair atm.

OP goes off to work DH has kids for morning routine then takes then to childcare and has a 1hr to 1/30hr downtime before work.

OP comes home around 4 she said has an 1hr 1/30hr downtime before picking them up and does evening routine.

I don't see why you want DH to leave work when he has stuff left to do, it's the quickest wsy for him to be blacklisted at work and what will happen if you lose the wage of the main breadwinner.

Soo he drops off and then saunters into work when he is ready but comes home late bugger that he is yanking your chain and suiting himself

I don't see why you want DH to leave work when he has stuff left to do, it's the quickest wsy for him to be blacklisted at work and what will happen if you lose the wage of the main breadwinner.

If he was going in earlier (he has flexi time) he would be putting in the same amount of hours.

Also, OP gets home at 4.30 and collects DCs at 5. So she has 25 minutes to herself compared to his 90 minutes.

Why not both do the morning routine have breakfast together in the house, he drops them off only at childcare no waiting around, has his run and therfore in work for 9.

He comes back at 6 and you both do the evening as you want.

On your days off, does he get into work earlier and therfore back earlier? It seems you are not taking into account what he does in the mornings.

Compromise - one wk he can do this three mornings a wk and next two mornings giving u three nights one wk and two nights the next to go to the gym, hobby ect

YANBU.
I would feel resentful if my DH did this.
(He worked 7 - 7 and sometimes longer, so I was used to doing everything myself).

Op's always exaggerate in their favour, I would think it's more he gets back from the drop off and quality time with the kids with breakfast and has an hour, and she get in around 4 and picks them up at 5.

Yanbu

Tell him to do 50:50. He deserves some time to himself but so do you. So one morning he can do what you say he does, the next time he gets into work early and gets back early so you can have the evening off.

Easy peasy.

I suspect it own't be quite as easy as I am painting it. But it should be.

And to the poster who called him a tw*t, that does not help.

Does he still take the kids to nursery on your non working days or are they home with you?

Another YANBU from me. He has time to fit in a grocery shop/ clean the house/ wash and hang out laundry in that couple of hours before work!

He doesnt give them breakfast. They eat at the nursery.

With him, he could dump them and have no quality time to get to work eailer but that's not fair on the kids.

Really the cuurent situation for the days op works is good on the other half the week he goes in early as he doesn't need to do morning routine and come back to help with dinner seems the best plan.

They also eat tea at nursery. Op is overfeeding cause she want's too.

i've worked with loads of Dads who hang around at work so they dont have to do bedtime. Taking the piss.

A light tea at nursery is supposed to keep them going until they get home and have something else there.

Why are you doing everything in the evening though?

He can still work 10.30-7.30 home. But just get him to make dinner in the morning after the kids are dropped off, and stick some laundry in. In the evening the children tidy up their own toys ( their mess, they tidy), and anything else you do together in the evening.

their mess, they tidy

OP's DC are 3.5 and 1.5. Ok at 3.5 yo can do some tidying but a 1.5 yo is not going to help much (IME trying to tidy with a 1.5 yo around is a bit like tidying in a hurricane).

OP, if your DH won't change his ways, I suggest you start leaving the jobs you currently do before 7.30 - any tidying, laundry, cooking dinner - for him to do in the evenings. That way you get a more relaxed teatime and bedtime with DCs, and some downtime after the DCs are in bed, and he has to pull his weight a bit more.