I separated from my ex P in January, half way through my pregnancy. He was emotionally abusive, I couldn't take any more, and I didn't want my baby growing up to the tune of his mood swings and viewing his behaviour as the norm.
We lived together in London (his flat). When we split up I stayed in the flat for a bit only when he didn't need it (though he still insisted I still paid toward it as I had been doing). When he needed to stay at the flat I had to find myself temporary accommodation (awful in third trimester of pregnancy.) When my maternity leave commenced I moved to Edinburgh - my family are here and offered support, I also own a property here. I would have been completely on my own had I stayed in London, with ex-P perhaps dropping in when convenient for him to see baby. Ex-P was not happy about me moving to Edinburgh. Said I was making it 'impossible' for him to have a relationship with his child. I understand moving 500 miles away from baby's dad was not ideal, but I needed the support of my family and he had behaved badly toward me. I may have to return to London when my maternity leave finishes in any event.
DS was born in May. Ex-P has not seen him, though I have not put up any barrier to this. Actually, I'm sad for my DS that he hasn't visited. I had to register the birth myself. Since the birth we have had one phone-call. The call was civilised but ex-P made no mention of contributing toward his son's upkeep.
Following the call I applied to the CMS to calculate child maintainence. I didn't want to have the conversation with ex-P as I had a feeling I'd be made to feel bad/unreasonable for asking for money and if ex-P did agree to contribute there's no way he would willingly agree to pay the amount the CMS calculated he should be paying (£750 per month). The amount the CMS calculated is based on ex-P's salary which is about £100k p/a.
Today ex-P has text to say he is 'most disappointed/surprised' to have received a letter from CMS. And that if I 'need/want money we can easily resolve it between ourselves'. He then says: 'it would be better for all concerned to deal with things in an open and above board way and to talk like adults. This is a very disappointing way to conduct our engagement over very difficult and important issues, but I am happy to keep things official from now on if that is what you have decided?'
I don't know how to respond. His text makes me feel bad. I'd think I'd rather keep things amicable, but I know in doing so ex-P will not agree to pay the same amount calculated by the CMS. The amount will also not be subject to any annual review. I also don't need the money right now, but I will do when my maternity pay stops and certainly when I return to work as I will need a full time nanny.
Have I been unreasonable in applying directly to the CMS? And would I be acting unreasonably in continuing to go through the official CMS channel rather than trying to reach and agreement with ex-P? I don't know what to do and how to respond to his message.