To be a bit sad that as soon as DS is in bed DP is straight on the computer?

[abbinobb]

Pretty much every night, as soon as DS is in bed DP starts gaming and does that pretty much all night so doesn't speak to me at all.
I think it's a bit...rude? unsociable? or something like that i can't quite put my finger on it but aibu to be upset that this is pretty much every night?
We seem to spend no time together talking or even just watching the same thing on TV then at least you're spending time together, can talk about it etc.
If i mention it he says i'm not his mum and that i'm telling him what to do
It's like i have to beg for my own boyfriend to want to send time with me, and i fi did that it would be weird anyway i'd just feel like he'd rather be doing something else.

For context, he does help pretty fairly with DS and housework and we both work (him 4 days, me 3, usually different days to eachother so don't see a lot of eachother during the day)

It doesn't feel very..relationshippy, more flate-matey at the moment to me.

Send him back to his mother. Feeling that lonely in a relationship and you're own house because your partner completely ignores you dulls your soul. Life is short.

*your

I game a lot and often at night as my mates in America jump online. But DH and I still have our hour quality time together as I jokingly call it. Full interaction where we eat, talk and when weather is good play badminton in the garden. He watches stuff on the TV I have no interest at all as I rarely watch anything on the tv.

Gaming is addictive, I'm addicted but I do other stuff as well, he is neglecting the relationship completely.

Well I talked to him about it.
Probably a bad choice of time because we were arguing (he stormed into the kitchen because ds wouldn't sleep shouting 'I've had enough of this fucking shit' I told him to chill out ds is usually a really good sleeper but he has a cold at and he's obviously just annoyed that it's getting in the way of his games) I'm sick of his tempers to be honest or I'd have just let that go.
He says that I never have anything good to talk about and that I can't force him to spend time with me.
He also had a go at me for having a shower when he got in from work and leaving him with ds (this was at 8, but ds has a horrid cold and isnt sleeping well)
He was out last night which is fine apparently(it is fine, he's out once a week and that's fine by me) but I can't have a fucking shower without being accused of "leaving him with ds whilst I fuck about"
Feels shit.

Wow, OP.

This sheds even more light on the situation you are in.

I'd have to vote a big GET RID on this one, I'm afraid.

He is abusive.

Take care x

Send him back to his mums. What does he bring to the relationship? Why do you want this negativity in your home?

So you live with a child and a teenager? I wouldn't have the energy for that. Separate temporarily if you can't do it permanently yet.

Once Ds is in bed you can pop off to your mum's your mates or even the shopping centre on late night opening. Even drive somewhere and sit in the car for an hour. Do it a few times in a week. Don't get drawn into a big discussion about why you're going out of the house or refer to his gaming at all just say "I'm popping out for a bit" don't tell him where you're going. Come back in the house and act normal, no arguing or snappy comments just go through your bedtime routine as if you had been in the house all evening and go to bed. If he's anything like mine, after a few instances of this a penny will drop in his head and suddenly the Xbox or whatever won't be as appealing to him :) the trick is stay nice and calm and civil, no more arguments about it. You don't have to keep it up for ever, just long enough so he notices he misses you and starts paying you attention. If he starts backsliding again, off you pop! Worked for me. I only had to do it about 3 nights in one week for him to suddenly decide he missed me. It was worth it.

Was he always like this or has he changed?

My DH has spent to much time on videogames in the past (do not mention Championship Manager!), but usually it was when he was very unhappy. Not that he ever did the "you're not my mum" thing, if he had I'd have been furious!

Before we had DS though, DH would play on the TV and I'd watch and help out (lots of "oooh, what's that over there?" or "can you go that way?"). I miss that, but it's difficult as we're co-sleeping.

Agree with PP - it's hilarious he is saying you are talking to him as if you are his mum because you may as well be from what you have written.

Pack his bags - it's bloody draining doing all the work in a relationship - and actually it's impossible.

He is treating you appallingly. I am sure you would be far happier living on your own.

He has always been like this a bit.
Really petty example nut it's always bugged me"
After we'd been together only a few months I asked him if he wants to come to a theme park with me. He says yeah good idea. So we plan a day to go.
Then says he'll invite some people from work too, so then they all decided it was a 'boys only' thing and uninvited me! He went, even his mum (who doesn't even like me) said she can't believe he actually went without me to something I'd arranged to do in the first place. Really petty example but looking back I think that set the tone for the relationship- he'd rather be with his mates or doing something else than spend time with me.
I knew he had no respect for me in the begging of the relationship (there is a really really bad example of this) but he does a good job of saying otherwise and I'm thick and believe him all the time.

The ignoring you in favour of his gaming was bad enough, but this:

because ds wouldn't sleep he was shouting 'I've had enough of this fucking shit'

I'm sick of his tempers to be honest

He says that I never have anything good to talk about and that I can't force him to spend time with me.

He also had a go at me for having a shower when he got in from work and leaving him with ds saying I was "leaving him with ds whilst I fuck about"

is outrageous!

He ignores you, basically calls you boring, has a foul temper, shouts and swears in front of his son because his son is too ill to sleep, swears at you when you ask him to take his DS for a few minutes while you shower.

This has to stop, OP!

Change the router password

He'll go then

Op, seriously, changing beds, changing pc locations, changing router passwords, changing attitudes etc etc is all well and good but....

I would sugest you change one thing, your BFs address, he shoild be living at

No 12 Mums Care Road
Apron Strings
BY0 0BY

He sounds like a pathetic, spoilt little brat.

Yeah but I'm guessing she can't move him out without a bit of leverage and incentive.... I.e there's no internet here but it's 24/7 at your mums!

Another morning of temper tantrums from dp and I am now officially fed up. Ds woke up at 3, I got up with him, tried to settle him I his bedroom for 2 hours with no luck and then he started banging on the bedroom door saying he wanted to sleep in the bed with daddy. So I (being exhausted!) Said OK so took Ds into the bedroom and got in our bed with him. This was at 5am so not exactly middle of the night.
Ds started being a bit noisy and dp goes off on one, shouting and swearing at me saying that I don't care that he needs to sleep blah blah blah.
He just doesn't get that this is the reality of young children, sometimes they get in your bed and are a pain in the bum. Especially when they are ill. That's just life and nothing to shout and swear about. I was the one dealing with DS anyway. If he was that bothered he could have gone into the living room to sleep.

I'm pretty sure I need to end this non-relationship thing I'm in but I just don't know how. I've tried before and I just end up back with him but I don't know why. It's easy to do what you should do but harder to actually do it, it's scary.

I know how.

You watch your little boy's face when daddy is shouting and swearing at mummy.

You imagine his little brain as a sponge, soaking all this up and starting to believe it's acceptable.

You project a couple of decades into the future and imagine your gorgeous little boy shouting and swearing at his own dp.

Then you grit your teeth, look this ridiculous 'man' in the eye and tell him to get the fuck out of your life, and while he's at it, start growing up if he wants any kind if relationship with his son.

Once he's gone, you can start work on your self-esteem so thst you never again start to believe that this piece of shit is all you are worth.

Jesus, where are you? I'll come and do it for you

Please get rid of him OP!

He is very childish, not ready for a mature relationship. It's time for him to go. He doesn't get anything out of living with you, he needs to go. Do you want more of the same or do you want some calmness and kindness in your life? He can go back to his mums.

I know you're all right but it's just hard though isn't it?
Although I suppose I have lived by myself with ds for most of his life, but he was a baby then and easier, now he's almost 3 and he'd be asking where daddy's gone etc
But I'm going to have to because I just don't see this as my life. I see other people whose boyfriends actually love them and that's what I want I suppose, someone who doesn't act like I'm just here to bother them.
Logistically it's easy, money wise with tax credits etc (I work part time) it would be the same, the HA tenancy is in my name (thank god for the lady at the housing asspciation who told me mot to even consider making it a joint tennancy because women often end up fucked that eay) so I'm in a better position (although not great) than others to ask him to leave.

Er? Dont ask him to leave.
Tell him to leave. Pack his bags and pc, leave them by the front door.

What will be difficult? Are you scared he will be horrible? That says a lot about why you have to do it. Agree- tell him it's not working. You don't want your life to be like this. Time for him to make other sleeping and gaming arrangements.

I think this time I won't be doing it mid argument for a start so there's less for him to think I don't meant it. And I gave him a chance the other day and he's still having tempers and being a general kill joy so I've just had enough. I don't feel angry just completely empty, I used to get angry aboit it but not these days there's no point.
Eating crossant's and jam with ds atm and I know if dp was here it would be another miserable morning for no real reason. (He'd be shouting at ds to stop making mess, even though a 3 year old with a crossant is always going to make a mess. And getting stressed about the mess etc) or be on his phonr playing a game and ignoring everyone. when he isn't here everything's a lot more relaxed. But when he comes home from work I just know the whole atmosphere will change to a miserable moody one or he'll be on the pc and may as well not even be here so, he isn't really adding anything to the situation. Other than finiancially and housework etc but I can manage that stuff alone anyway.

I know it's difficult to end a relationship, OP.

You are letting go of all the hopes and dreams you had. None of us get into relationships hoping we'll have to end them.

Yes, there are practicalities to be worked out. But you need to do this because you are creating the environment your DS will grow up in. You sound like a great mum and I know you want better for him than an aggressive twit who abuses you and upsets your son.

I know your DS will ask questions. You could start a thread about how to handle that and I know other mums here will tell you how they managed that part of things.

As for having a loving boyfriend, yes, you can have al that too. It won't happen while this man lives in your house though. A trite saying, but you won't see the open door while you are still looking at the closed door.

I think I'm just really stupid, I've never had a proper boyfriend other than him before so I've been stupid expecting things to change etc and no other real experience other than a few casual boyfriends in my teenage years