Please hand me a grip. Re ex and new gf around my toddler

[Namechanger89]

Stbxh and I broke up 2.5 years ago. Domestic violence. History of DV with all previous ex's. DS is 3. Sees his dad every other weekend. I keep a vigilant eye out for any concerns but for the most part things have been ok. I have always said that any new partners and I would be concerned because he has strangled me in front of his older daughter, for example, and I am very concerned that he wouldn't be able to manage his emotions in front of DS.

STBXH now has a new girlfriend. When I say new, I mean within the last 2 weeks.
New girlfriend has 4 boys who do not live with her. This weekend ex had her stay over. It's DS's contact weekend.

I have no idea who this woman is, or why her 4 young children do not live with her. Were they removed? Did she relinquish?
I would not normally state that I had a right to meet her before she meets DS but surely with this I should so I can risk assess the situation??

I have drafted a message that says I'm glad he's met someone, but I think given the concerns we should do this properly and he should bring her round one eve so I can meet her and he can meet DP (we've been together for a year but ex has always refused to meet him!)
If he refused to do this I think I'm going to suggest he only has DS at his mums.

Come on, just how unreasonable am I being??

[Mcchickenbb41]

Sorry I should just add this is what I found in a situation that I was in but iv just seen you've had some really good advice op from a sw so I'd listen to what they say xx

[CoraPirbright]

You mentioned that a lot of the contact arrangements goes via your mum I think? Could she possibly get this new woman's name out of him?

[cestlavielife]

Needs yes you are right. But the op gas no certain information altho could report a concern based on hearsay yes.

The op s ex has not been charged with dv there is only police record of his threats by text. So nothing under Clare s law to warn off the new gf.

But she should talk it thru with a legal expert /nspcc / nursery safeguarding person. Maybe call ss see if they will follow up. Do you think they actualky will ?

But. .. the ds has been staying with the dad no problem for two years.

[mummyto2monkeys]

OP you are not reporting your ex or his new gf. You are simply enquiring as to whether this individual is safe to have around your child. You have heard already from a social worker, who is used to receiving these types of calls. She is actively recommending this avenue. Whilst you are not looking to check out a new partner yourself, I think you have every right to ensure the safety of your little one.

Have a look here:

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/11369454/Clares-Law-Find-out-if-your-partner-has-a-history-of-abuse.html

[cestlavielife]

Op knows he has a violent past and doesn't need to use claire law to know that.
If the new gf goes to police there is nothing on record other than some threatening texts.

The issue is whether there is a change now which means ds is no longer safe in his care. Is the gf a risk to ds because she has apparently dc in care ? Is ex a risk to ds because he is in a relationship ?

So best thing is to talk it thru with nspcc / ss / safeguarding at school .

But bearing in mind taking this forward may mean involving court cafcass etc . Worth it if risk is high. ?