WIBU to cancel the school summer fete?

[Narnia72]

I'm on the PFA committee (standing down at the next AGM as I can't believe how utterly soul draining it is).

This committee have done 2 big events now (as well as numerous little events). Big summer fair last year and Christmas fair last Christmas. Both well received, lots of people came, and enthusiastic feedback. We also raised lots of money for the school. However, each time we've had to go round the playground "persuading" people to help. It's such hard work. We've always ended up with a full team though and people have said they've enjoyed being involved.

This year we haven't had time to do the playground trawl, and so used parentmail and social media, giving parents text, email and fb options to reply. We have 17 people helping...

It's not enough. We have cancelled lots of stalls, and got it down to the bare minimum. If we dragoon our OHs in and spend 12 hours there setting up, running something and doing the clear up, we might just get away with it. But I don't want to.

I feel we should take the message the parents are giving us. The Head wants us to run it. There is a sponsored event and the children are showcasing various things they've learned in school clubs. She feels they will be disappointed. The rest of the committee are undecided.

2 parents have organised parties (one a whole class!) at the time of the event. Don't know whether deliberately or stupidly (don't know either of the parents involved to talk to). A whole group of parents who have helped historically are going away for the weekend (not together - lots of different events/weddings etc)

No-one seems that interested or bothered. I feel like we're flogging a dead horse, and if we cancel it we'll find out what people's true feelings are by their reactions. I don't want to spend this whole week running around trying to sort stuff.

I don't want this to turn into a PFA bashing thread. I know there are good and bad ones. Ours is a lovely friendly committee, and we've always been welcoming (anyone who's volunteered has been snapped up, we publicise our meetings and minutes, everyone is invited). We still get accused of cliques... It's such a poisoned chalice. WSWD?

YANBU. I suspect next year people will try harder.

Asking people personally was the way we "persuaded" people to help on stalls. No-one ever signed up from emails or text messages or flyers.

I know how soul destroying the whole thing is. The worst is when the people setting up end up being the people who clear up too. And then other people have the nerve to complain about the organisation/events, when they have literally done nothing to participate, except attend (which I suppose is something)

Does depend slightly. I used to help at every one. Often all afternoon. Never minded doing it and the place was always packed. Bouncy castle, tombolas, facepainting, football goals, pick a lolly, that sort of thing.

Then they changed the format.

I'm now on dc3, who isn't bothered about going, and they charge a not insubstantial sum for entry. I'm blowed if I'm going to spend £5 on going to help out on a stall while all three dc spend even more ££££ on useless tat, when dc3 isn't that bothered about going (dc1&2 still love going).

I'm also very busy at this time of year, between the dc yesterday I had 5 things to get them to. So even to go I'd have had maximum about 45 minutes.

Plus they now use the fair as the final for their "talent" competition. "Talent" is somewhat non-existent for 95% of the children. It's chosen by a panel of children so is mostly done by popularity. The majority, some years all, are "singing" to their favourite pop song. Roughly 50% of those children are inaudible above their backing track (despite being amplified), and 45% you wish were inaudible....

So being there both irritates me (I usually know of a few children-not mine-who genuinely are talented and didn't get beyond the first round because they aren't popular enough, or are doing something boring like playing an instrument to grade 7 standard) and is painful to listen to.

The stalls are a mixture of mums with pyramid sales stuff, and there's meant to be one per class run by the teachers with child help, chosen by the class in question. These are sort of along the lines of pay 50p to see a funny face pulled. I am quite happy to pull funny faces all afternoon for free if we don't go.

And actually once they've paid for the stage (covered after the disastrous year where it was torrential rain all day) and the speaker system and a couple of other things they hire which apparently are essential, they make very very little money. Sometimes a loss. Sometimes quite a big loss.

That's why I no longer help. (but I did do about 10 years of it, so maybe I'm let off for good behaviour)

People work on weekends too Judy everyone looks at me bemused when I say I am working, but the only way I can drop off and pick up dc all the time is because I often work on the weekend. My schedule is set up to 10 months ahead of time. Short of a leg falling off I can't rearrange for a few hours.

If the Head wants it to happen to showcase things from school clubs then it should be a school run activity with the PTA running the tea and cake stalls/refreshments etc. If groups of parents/children aren't going to be there, will there be many left to take part?
If it's to be run as a fundraiser then you need to say to parents that you are raising money to purchase X. At my daughters' primary school many parents (and staff!) didn't realise how much the PTA had helped to buy.

Is it too late to change the format and objectives? ie if it's to raise money and to showcase club achievements, can you do a bbq, raffle and an arena for the displays? Maybe a bouncy castle and some free/dirt cheap games so the kids feel they've had a good time (which is at least 50% of the objective at our fair). Invite external stalls that are self run (make sure they are insured).
Then send a note round after the event comparing income this year to last and explain the impact that will have (eg play equipment funded last year £X but this year it'll just be new tea towels for the kitchen).
Don't break your own back (and spirit) trying to do it all as a small team.

If the head thinks it should still go ahead then so be it. I find that these things always come together in the end.
The parents who don't help won't get any type of message that you'll send by cancelling it. They won't care. Sad but true.
I've done more than enough of Xmas fayres etc to realise that it's a thankless task.

Can't you just re-schedule it if it is that specific weekend that is a problem.

Most people are vastly more likely to commit to help with anything when asked face to face than in a generic impersonal email (which tbh spam filters may well be swallowing if they are addressed to large numbers, plus there is the somebody-else's-problem factor with any communication addressed to more than 3 or 4 people.

Like shouldwe I work a lot of weekends for childcare reasons - weekends and evenings. Absolutely tons of people do, and where one half of a couple is working those hours the other has the kids usually - so can't volunteer or come to meetings if they will need to be focussed on the task in hand rather than on corralling their kids, esp if they have any under 6 or so.

Our Kindergarten used to do lots of daytime activities but the equivalent of the PTA has become dominated by a couple of very vocal parents from couples who both have 9-5 jobs, and a lot of the lovely day time activities have been scrapped (many not run by the PTA but by the Kindergarten themselves, but objected to by the PTA in the name of "working parents"). I keep reminding Kindergarten that a lot of "working parents" work evenings and weekends and are often free during the day... Pisses me off a bit.

There is no pleasing everyone of course, and something is better than nothing - however people who are not free at weekends or in the evenings are not necessarily just being unhelpful any more than people who are not free at 11am on a Wednesday are!

Don't agree with calling the party organisers stupid. If that day was my DC birthday or indeed, the day that was most suitable to host, then no school summer fair would deter me. My DC happiness and the success of their party comes first.

Obviously people work at weekends, shouldwestay, but the fact remains that most schools choose weekends because more people work on weekdays. As pointed out, if this particular school's fairs have been well attended in the past, it seems pretty clear that parents' working hours are not the issue.

Kenduskeag, I'm pretty sure that a summer fete will be on a weekend
Ds's was alway on. Fido evening from 4.30-7.30pm

I get home from work at 6.15pm
One friend get home at 5.25 another at 5.45 and so on
Also people work on Saturdays as well y'know!

Our school is tiny, so whole day fetes etc are a bit beyond us. We've a mini version happening in the next couple of weeks. I've resorted to FB messages saying that we'll have to scale back if parents don't volunteer to help out. Even an hour on a stall would do. It's the same 5 people doing stuff all the time and with the best will in the world, we have lives too.

Have had 5 or so offers of help since the message, so it does seem to get through to them eventually. Shame it takes threats to get there though.

I can only take my dc to our summer fair if I take time off work (it's always immediately after school) so I'm afraid I would be reluctant to help out.

In fact, there are further reasons why I'll never, ever help at a PTA event again which you'd do well to know op:

• The PTA say they want help, but really, they only want a small number of their PTA clique to help. You can offer all you like but they just don't want to know, then make sure they complain loudly that nobody helps.
• They say they want ideas from others but really, that just extends to the few who can make meetings. So for example, if I was to suggest via someone who can that it'd be great for others to feel like they can engage, a response of "well she can come to meetings then can't she" will elicit ODFO if you ask for help again.

And as for wondering if the whole class parties are an act of stupidity, that's the sort of attitude that'd stop me from even going, let alone helping.

Ds's school seem to be constantly doing fund raising stuff, last weekend there was the Summer Fun Day, two weeks before that it was a Disco, Fathers Day Meal, Plant Sale, Bale Off, another disco etc. All with entry fees (£3 per adult and 50p per child at the summer Fun day). It feels to a lot of parents that it's almost a constant thing to be asked repeatedly for help, donations, cakes etc by text or email or by being cornered in the school playground. Lots of guilt trips about things being cancelled and disappointed children.

Then there are the bring your teddy/favourite book/etc to school day which cost £1 per child.

It all adds up, financially and time wise. I know the school are struggling financially and they've just lost 12 teachers due to budgeting but it would be nice to check my phone or pick DS up without finding another request waiting.

Our PTA threatens to cancel every Christmas/summer fair due to lack of help.

I really think people would if they didn't feel like they were gatecrashing some exclusive club.

Have you done a specific final "We need X number of volunteers to do Y between atime and btime at the fete by nextmonday or sadly the fete will have to be cancelled"?

At any event Ds's school has it takes until the 'This will be cancelled' letter before people volunteer. People also volunteer if they know it's for something specific. So if you need someone to man the tea stall for 3 hours say that. If you need them to supervise the bouncy castle for 5 hours say that.

People are very wary of volunteering without knowing exactly what it is for in case they get landed with the school show creche for younger siblings and find themselves expected to look after 6 pre-school children alone with the creche having been organised by someone who had no clue that that kind of thing could seriously go wrong (and have a long-lasting negative impact registration wise on someone who works in childcare!).

I think you're living in some kind of PTA bubble if you think people are stupid for daring to hold a party on the same day as a school fair.

If planning a party for my DD it would be based around when her birthday was and when was convenient. A school fete wouldn't enter my mind I'm afraid.

I feel your pain, I work in a care home my job is organise and run seasonal fetes. We rarely get volunteers to man stalls from families it's mostly the same ones who help often I'm forced to ask my own family for help. 17 isn't that bad could they not double up on particular stalls or emerge them together. I would address it with the school who could maybe stress how important volunteers are to run successful events. However people aren't obliged to help donate or attend. A lot of these families maybe be busy with much younger DC so unable to donate their time or have work commitments. Often people do prefer to attend and look round rather than being tied to a particular stall and unable to look round themselves freely.

I'd love 17 volunteers!

Maybe it's too near to the end of term and people are just tired.

I helped at our fair because DS enjoys going and I might as well, but it's usually the same faces and a lot of those people work very reduced hours .

The head of the PTA is super rich due to family money and has a lot of time to organise it and then wafted round on the day taking thanks for all her great efforts, whilst us little people did the actual grunt work.

I had volunteered to do a slot but when I asked my pal who was sort of involved in organising it she said she hadn't heard about that so I felt obliged to attend the whole thing, even though I was working that night.

I put my foot down at transporting some stuff to fair organisers house on other side of town though.

Also I remember a couple of years ago when I was going through a ridiculously busy phase in my life. That year I hadn't volunteered and I really enjoyed walking round and relaxing with DS.

It's a shame if the DCs enjoy it, but I think you need to get a decent number of volunteers by middle of the week or cancel it and that's the message you and/or the head needs to send out.

"2 parents have organised parties (one a whole class!) at the time of the event. Don't know whether deliberately or stupidly"

Oh come on. People having birthday parties on the same day as the school fete need be neither deliberate, nor stupid. Not everyone's live revolves around the school, and nor should it.

I realise that these things are genuinely a lot of work, but being hard work doesn't necessarily = worthwhile. It would be a lot of work for me to cut my grass with scissors, and a nightmare for me to try and do it alone, but that doesn't mean everyone I ask to help should drop everything and make it a priority.

Ours always start at 2pm and the e mails start about a week beforehand, asking for help. No use asking me to help as I'm in my own classroom 16 miles away. The earliest that I can get there is 5.30pm but I always try and show my face. I'm pretty handy with a bin bag and a brush!! It's the same faces there every time and, to be honest, they aren't always particularly welcoming faces which I suspects puts some people off. I'm thick skinned though!

The problem is that people are so busy these days. It sounds like the non helping parents do have good reasons (you mentioned weddings etc).

At my DC's school, the summer fete has been moved from a Sat all day event to a weekday evening. It's smaller too - less ambitious to organise. Obviously it doesn't raise as much money, but it still raises a decent amount (they work hard at getting local businesses to donate great raffle prizes) and it's less stress for everyone.

I know how you feel. My DCs have now left school, but from playgroup until fairly recently I've been involved on various committees and found that it's always the same small, core group of people willing to help. Strangely too, it's generally those with the most demanding careers who find the time to attend meetings, bake cakes, help out on the day etc. It's utterly soul destroying, when the money being made is to benefit all the children.

I'd do as pps have suggested. Put out a whole school email with jobs that need doing and times when they need doing. There are very few people who couldn't give up an hour at some point during the day to set up, clear away or run a stall and we found that being clear about what was required (just a small amount of time, not an all day commitment) did mean we had more volunteers. If you don't get the help, then you should cancel - it's not fair that such a huge job always falls to the same people and you can bet that there'll be plenty of complaints from those unwilling to be involved if the fair isn't up to the usual standards!
Of course, there are always going to be those who won't ever help because they don't see it as their problem or responsibility, but most people are generally willing to do a little bit if it's going to benefit their children, especially if they know what's expected and when.
Good luck!

I was a reluctant PTA organiser for my DS's school. I hated every minute of it. I got nothing out of it, was corralled into doing it by my friend, who enjoyed it. Ill never volunteer for anything again as a result. We had 2 big events a year, like you. I really think that's too many if people don't want to help. Id say cancel just to see if people would rather just buy raffle tickets (a big money spinner) or have a smaller summer event like a barbeque and a craft fair thing in the winter where people pay a sum of money gor a stall and sell goods.

It my was DS summer fete today he went with his dad ( we aren't together). I'm currently at home BF my 3month old and have a toddler at home so I wouldn't be able to volunteer, it was also my DH only day off work this week. Not only that but it ends up costing families quite abit of money especially entry fees which is something I never do. I never got that seems greedy to me. If you want people to come to the event you should never charge a family for the privilege to attend. People will spent however much they can afford or want to spent.