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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious with DH

75 replies

porridge90 · 03/07/2016 10:39

My husband never really goes out, neither do I. He works nights so we get very little time together so we tend to spend time together whenever he gets free time.

I was scheduled to do a Race For Life this morning at 10:30, it has been booked for around 4 months. Hubby told me a few weeks ago he was going out for the day and then out on a night out with some work colleagues. He was going to drive me to the place where I do my run (I don't drive) and watch our 2 year old DD whilst I ran. I told him he needed to have sobered up so he could legally drive by 9am the day after his night out.

That was yesterday. He got in at 2:30am an absolute mess. He woke me up being ridiculous (after spending £60 on a taxi home I'd like to add). By 7am he woke up again (I had already got up with DD at 6am) and was still pretty pissed. I knew at this point there was no way he was going to be in a fit state to drive me or look after DD for my run, so I had to cancel as I had no other way of getting there and no one else to babysit.

He has been sick a few times and is feeling really sorry for himself. I have completely lost my shit with him. I'm furious. AIBU?

I know he doesn't go out much, but he KNEW I had this run. Why not just not drink so much? Or stop drinking at a reasonable time? He could have still gone out and had a good time! Now I have had to cancel the run ive had booked for 4 months and I am sat downstairs looking after our DD absolutely seething with him.

OP posts:
mathsenglishscience · 03/07/2016 10:41

YANBU.

RubbleBubble00 · 03/07/2016 10:42

Your both unreasonable. Why on earth did either of u think he would be fit to drive after a day and night on the lash esp when he doesn't usually go out

user1467491951 · 03/07/2016 10:43

Without a doubt, my bags would've been in the front garden if I'd pulled that with my ExW.

Probably on fire.

DoesMyMarthaCliffLookBigInThis · 03/07/2016 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
porridge90 · 03/07/2016 10:45

Naïve perhaps yes RubbleBubble. It wasn't supposed to be a night 'on the lash'. He told me that everyone had stuff on on the Sunday morning so it wasn't going to be a heavy night. He had a day out paintballing and then was going to a nice restaurant and the pub next door. It wasn't clubbing or anything like that from what we both discussed. IMO he should have just not drank so much or stopped drinking much earlier.

OP posts:
ChicRock · 03/07/2016 10:45

YANBU.

He'd been out all day, he should have stopped drinking in the early evening and got himself home.

Farmmummy · 03/07/2016 10:45

Nope think I would be teaching Dd to dance to Metallica turned up very loud! (Never having actually listened to Metallica they're probably not appropriate for a 2 year old but you know what I mean Wink )

Original poster
porridge90 · 03/07/2016 10:47

The thing that tipped me over the edge was when I went in to bollock him about me having to cancel my run at 7am, and he was still drunk and telling me to 'come over here' and getting a bit frisky. I told him to go 'F* himself'. Probably a bit of an overreaction I should apologise for, but I just saw red!

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 03/07/2016 10:47

I would have got a taxi and left dd with him. So you are being a bit unreasonable.

molyholy · 03/07/2016 10:48

Wow. Yanbu. I would be fuming!!!!!

Sparkletastic · 03/07/2016 10:49

What a twat. YANBU

Original poster
porridge90 · 03/07/2016 10:50

RedHelenB - would you not be a bit concerned about his capabilities to look after her when he is still drunk/hungover? At 2 years old, you need eyes on them every second and reactions like a ninja.

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 03/07/2016 10:50

I think it was a tiny bit optimistic to expect him to be up and responsible after a whole day and night out. I could have seen this coming from a mile off.

Still, you are perfectly entitled to be absolutely raging with him. Keep your powder dry and have it out with him when he's in a fit state to get the hair-dryer treatment from you. There's no need to waste a decent opportunity.

DoreenLethal · 03/07/2016 10:51

I told him to go 'F himself'. Probably a bit of an overreaction I should apologise for, *

No - please don't apologise. I would also have got a taxi and left him to it.

He knew what he was doing - which was fucking up your enjoyment of life.

So - what are you going to do about it?

Birdsgottafly · 03/07/2016 10:51

It's total disrespect.

He didn't think that you doing the run, or looking after his DD was as important as throwing ale down his neck.

I've been a big drinker and my nights out regularly didn't end until 5am, up until my early 40's.

But we all (male and female), managed to call it a night, or calm it down, if we had stuff on, the next day.

3littlefrogs · 03/07/2016 10:51

RedHelenB - would you really have left small child in the sole care of someone in that state?

2ndSopranosRule · 03/07/2016 10:52

YANBU. Even if it's a one off misdemeanour, still YANBU.

My DH is hopeless at drinking but even he can engage his brain and think what he's doing the following day and act (or cease to act) accordingly.

crayfish · 03/07/2016 10:52

I would be raging!! My ex used to pull this kind of thing regularly (I know this is a one-off for your DH) so I have no tolerance for pissed up men.

That said, I would have had a back-up plan for getting to the run myself, unless it's really far there must be a bus or train or something.

Joolsy · 03/07/2016 10:53

YANBU. That is disgusting behaviour. And you're the one looking after your DD when he was supposed to be. Surely he must have known how important this run was to you. I would be absolutely seething. Why don't you cheer yourself up and go out somewhere on your own, even if it's just for a walk. He needs to take responsibility for his actions

Original poster
porridge90 · 03/07/2016 10:54

Another issue (hope this isn't drip feeding) is that in January I went to a family party for my aunties 50th. DH stayed home with DD as he didn't want to go, but I got very drunk. I was a complete mess (I hadn't eaten all day and had too much wine - silly I know) and was sick in our bedroom (which he cleaned up). Although I accept that this was pretty awfuyl of me, and I apologised profusely. I STILL got up with DD at 6am the next morning. And I didn't ruin any plans the next day. I know he will bring that up in defence of his actions. Does that change any ones opinion?

Also, I am a SAHM and he works really hard, really long hours. I know again, that I will be made to feel guilty because he never does anything for him etc.

I just don't know if I am being a massive bitch about this or if I need to just let it go as one of those things. He is STILL in bed BTW.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 03/07/2016 10:56

"I think it was a tiny bit optimistic to expect him to be up and responsible after a whole day and night out. I could have seen this coming from a mile off."

Really? Not if the person going out is a responsible grown up human being, surely?

Original poster
porridge90 · 03/07/2016 10:57

It was a bit of an awkward place to get to that would have involved 2 buses and me setting off at like 8am to be there for 10ish ready to run at 10;30. And even then, not sure what I would have done with DD. It's unfair to ask anyone else to watch her this early on a sunday morning really.

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 03/07/2016 10:58

If he goes out rarely the I don't think he's being unreasonable to have a good night out. But do learn to drive for your own independence.

Foslady · 03/07/2016 10:59

Just because you are a SAHM does NOT negate your right to be treated as an equal - this is a total lack of respect on his part, you are still entitled to a life - the S stands for stay, not slave

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 03/07/2016 11:00

"The thing that tipped me over the edge was when I went in to bollock him about me having to cancel my run at 7am, and he was still drunk and telling me to 'come over here' and getting a bit frisky. I told him to go 'F himself'. Probably a bit of an overreaction I should apologise for, but I just saw red!"*

If anything it was an under-reaction. There's nothing more angry-making than some pissed-up wanker trying to get frisky when you're stone, cold sober and dealing with a bitter disappointment to boot.