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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be furious with DH

75 replies

porridge90 · 03/07/2016 10:39

My husband never really goes out, neither do I. He works nights so we get very little time together so we tend to spend time together whenever he gets free time.

I was scheduled to do a Race For Life this morning at 10:30, it has been booked for around 4 months. Hubby told me a few weeks ago he was going out for the day and then out on a night out with some work colleagues. He was going to drive me to the place where I do my run (I don't drive) and watch our 2 year old DD whilst I ran. I told him he needed to have sobered up so he could legally drive by 9am the day after his night out.

That was yesterday. He got in at 2:30am an absolute mess. He woke me up being ridiculous (after spending £60 on a taxi home I'd like to add). By 7am he woke up again (I had already got up with DD at 6am) and was still pretty pissed. I knew at this point there was no way he was going to be in a fit state to drive me or look after DD for my run, so I had to cancel as I had no other way of getting there and no one else to babysit.

He has been sick a few times and is feeling really sorry for himself. I have completely lost my shit with him. I'm furious. AIBU?

I know he doesn't go out much, but he KNEW I had this run. Why not just not drink so much? Or stop drinking at a reasonable time? He could have still gone out and had a good time! Now I have had to cancel the run ive had booked for 4 months and I am sat downstairs looking after our DD absolutely seething with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

porridge90 · 03/07/2016 11:00

I am learning to drive RedHelenB. We actually bought me a little car the other day and I am not TOO far off booking my test. It will literally change my life when I can drive myself.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 03/07/2016 11:01

By the time of her race he would be hungover not incapable.

RedHelenB · 03/07/2016 11:02

Good luck with your test!

RJnomore1 · 03/07/2016 11:02

Oh dear. He owes you big time. I'd be furious too, but if it's a one off and he doesn't drink often I know from personal experience how easy it is to get carried away when you're with people who are big drinkers.

I wouldn't have left a two year old with him either btw it's not fair on the wee one.

Mycraneisfixed · 03/07/2016 11:04

YANBU. I'd be livid too. Of course you couldn't leave your DD with someone quite clearly still drunk. He knew what he had to do today and chose to drink so much alcohol that he wouldn't be able to drive thus ruining your day. No point in trying to talk about it to him today. Go out for the day with your DD. If you stay home you'll have a shit day.

Lilifer · 03/07/2016 11:05

Red Helen - this is not about whether the op can drive or not. In this case, even if she had been able to drive she still couldn't have gone, because her manchild of a dh was still under the influence and could not be trusted to be able to look after a toddler!

BeckywiththeGoodHare · 03/07/2016 11:05

Agree with everything others have said, with a side order of that he thought nothing of all the other people you'd be letting down - did you have sponsorship? Were you running with friends? Is Race For Life a significant fundraiser for you, or family members?

I don't want you to feel worse though! He's the selfish arse here.

NapQueen · 03/07/2016 11:06

Why did you get up at 6am with dd after your night out? If he didn't go he should have done the get up in the morning bit.

Buggers · 03/07/2016 11:06

What an absolute arse. I'd get you and dd out for a few hours to get some fresh air and so you can calm down before he gets up. I'd be furious. Would it be possible for you and Dd to go for a long walk?

fastdaytears · 03/07/2016 11:08

So when you got drunk and threw up everywhere you were safe to look after your DD but you won't leave him with her if he's hungover?

RedHelenB · 03/07/2016 11:09

She did the exact same thing as him though and as it isn't a regular occurence then It is n't a big deal for either of them. And certainly toddler could have been left for a few hours.

Original poster

porridge90 · 03/07/2016 11:09

I was supposed to be running with my sister in law. She doesn't seem too fussed that it isn't happening anymore, I kind of coerced her into it anyway. she doesn't drive either unfortunately (Londoner) so she couldn't get us there either.

Luckily, a lot of my sponsors were elderly family members who hadn't quite go to grips with just giving and so were planning on giving me the money once the run was complete. So no one is out of pocket except me who paid for both myself and my SIL to join the race and my SIL who had bought us the race for life tops to wear. The other kicker is that there were no other races in my local area this year, so I cant even postpone it I will have to wait till next year.

OP posts:

ThePyjamasOfACat · 03/07/2016 11:10

I'm confused, it was ok for you to look after dd when you had been on the lash, but not for him? I agree it was wankerish of him to get himself in a state when he KNEW you had this race planned, and he's a tit. But cancelling your run was a bit martyr-ish, if you were in a fit state to do childcare after getting pissed, then he is.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 03/07/2016 11:10

Isn't Race For Life a fundraiser? Have people sponsored you to do this? If they have he needs to personally pay back each and every single one of them!

& s OP

ThePyjamasOfACat · 03/07/2016 11:12

Cross posted with a few others.

Original poster

porridge90 · 03/07/2016 11:12

NapQueen - he works nights and stays in his nights sleep pattern at the weekend. So him getting up at 6am would just never happen.

Fastdaytears - you are completely right. I hadn't even considered that. I wasn't still throwing up by the morning though, and I got home by 11pm so I had pretty much sobered up by 6am and was just a bit delicate rather than drunk.

OP posts:

Newtobecomingamum · 03/07/2016 11:12

YANBU what an arse!!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 03/07/2016 11:12

x-post - he needs to pay you and your SIL back then!

, s AND !

Nocabbageinmyeye · 03/07/2016 11:12

Yabu if you apologise for telling him to go fuck himself, that was an under reaction in my book. I would be beyond livid if I were you. No way would I left my dd with him either, the mumsnet advice of "leave the dc with him and head off out" always leaves me

missybct · 03/07/2016 11:12

YADNBU.

It's not really the point whether he goes out regularly or not, you had plans, he was aware of them, he had stipulated it was going to be a "casual" evening and it went on all day, so rolling in at 2:30 is inconsiderate and disrespectful.

I don't blame you for cancelling the run btw - when my DP is hungover, he's fit for nothing (which is a reason he doesn't really get too drunk anymore) so there is little chance I'd be leaving my 2 year old with him- I'd just worry about coming home to a shitstorm that would be easier to contain being present. Which in itself, makes your DH's behaviour even more bloody annoying - if he'd had a little hangover, or was tired, it would be fine!

mummytime · 03/07/2016 11:15

And certainly toddler could have been left for a few hours.

Sorry RedHelenB - I found your comment pretty unhelpful but I really couldn't understand this bit at all. Are you suggesting leaving a toddler alone? Or in the care of someone "under the influence"?

To be honest - neither DH or I have ever been so drunk that we couldn't manage to be sick into an appropriate receptacle (a bin if not the toilet). I personally have never been sick from drink.

And I do fully see that being drunk in the early hours - I may still have sobered up enough to care for a child by 6 am, as long as looking after meant watching Cbeebies and giving cereal - just like when I've been ill for other reasons.

Original poster

porridge90 · 03/07/2016 11:16

I agree it is possibly a bit hypocritical that I deemed myself suitable to look after her after getting drunk the night before but not him. I don't know about it being martyr-ish though. A taxi to the run venue (its pretty rural here) would have been upwards of £30 and DH still isn't even out of bed so would he have actually got up to look after her? I did briefly consider running with her in the pushchair but it isn't a jogger or anything and I think It would have been a nightmare!

OP posts:

Original poster

porridge90 · 03/07/2016 11:18

Milktwosugars - yes I think I will definitely pay SIL back. We share accounts and money in our house though as I'm a SAHM so technically he has made himself out of pocket really.

OP posts:

AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/07/2016 11:18

YANBU I'd be fuckin livid

theredjellybean · 03/07/2016 11:23

I can understand why you are angry and think it is perfectly reasonable response, but I also agree that i would have kicked him out of bed at 8 am and told him he was in charge of DD and you were going to your run.
I cannot believe that is he stopped drinking at 2:30 he could not have put cbeebies on at 8 am and sat with dd watching tv safely.

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