To be furious with DH

[porridge90]

My husband never really goes out, neither do I. He works nights so we get very little time together so we tend to spend time together whenever he gets free time.

I was scheduled to do a Race For Life this morning at 10:30, it has been booked for around 4 months. Hubby told me a few weeks ago he was going out for the day and then out on a night out with some work colleagues. He was going to drive me to the place where I do my run (I don't drive) and watch our 2 year old DD whilst I ran. I told him he needed to have sobered up so he could legally drive by 9am the day after his night out.

That was yesterday. He got in at 2:30am an absolute mess. He woke me up being ridiculous (after spending £60 on a taxi home I'd like to add). By 7am he woke up again (I had already got up with DD at 6am) and was still pretty pissed. I knew at this point there was no way he was going to be in a fit state to drive me or look after DD for my run, so I had to cancel as I had no other way of getting there and no one else to babysit.

He has been sick a few times and is feeling really sorry for himself. I have completely lost my shit with him. I'm furious. AIBU?

I know he doesn't go out much, but he KNEW I had this run. Why not just not drink so much? Or stop drinking at a reasonable time? He could have still gone out and had a good time! Now I have had to cancel the run ive had booked for 4 months and I am sat downstairs looking after our DD absolutely seething with him.

YANBU. Glad to hear you are learning to drive though.

"Why on earth did either of u think he would be fit to drive after a day and night on the lash"

Because he's an adult who should be able to control his alcohol intake especially when he has agreed to drive somewhere the next day.

I also wouldn't be apologising for what was said to him!

Should I be going in to tell him to get his lazy arse out of bed? Or do I just write him off for the day and ignore him?

OP he paid £60 on a taxi last night you could have done the same today and yes if you seen yourself ok to look after your child after a similar night out then he was too. Don't get me wrong he is an absolute twat but too many times in these scenarios women let men away with it by filling in the next day next time just make him reap what he sowed.

I can't believe you're even asking that. Wake him up! Make him suffer...

yes....take dd up stairs, plonk her on bed with him and announce very cheerfully that you are now going out by yourself for a few hours .

if he asks why ? i would advice saying that if you have to stay in house with him you might do something you would both regret...smile sweetly and leave house...dd will be fine and he needs to get up and man up and apologise to you

He wont get up. Literally just mumbles from under the covers about how sick he is.

Theredjellybean - I don't know if I have the balls to do that! I am being my own worst enemy aren't I, but I think that will just give him ammunition to say that I'm being horrible etc and turn it all around.

I have rage for you now! I think you could have made the race, but this is ridiculous of him. It's 11.30...

If he would just ignore his daughter then surely it isn't fair on her to just leave her with him?

Op can you just go out & have a nice time without him?

I'm painting him terribly here. He's a good bloke on the whole, works really hard. Really long hours. Doesn't really do anything or have like nights out or days out with friends. Which is why I feel like I'm being really meek in not being harsher in confronting him and making him get out of bed. Because obviously I know I'm very lucky that I don't have to work and I can go for coffee and meet friends In the day in the week etc. I'm so conflicted! It's like I am already having the argument with myself in my head that we will inevitably have later.

Id be bloody annoyed too but tbh I doubt he did it with malicious intent and I'd assume my DH would be apologetic when he finally got up so.... I'd be inclined to leave my DH in bed and get the coffee ready for when he woke up!

Unless there's a massive back story of him treating you badly, sabotaging your plans etc I'd let him just owe me one.

X-post.

You'll probably laugh about this one day!

If he's still in bed ill, this is the time where I'd whisper to dd that daddy wants to play pillow fights and to jump on him

It's good that it's not a regular occurrence so I guess I'd forgive him .... in time!
Just leave him to sleep it off today, go out and have a nice day with your DD.
Talk about it when he's sober and repentant.

DH went out to someone else's birthday the night before my birthday and then spent the whole of my birthday being sick so I was stuck at home looking after both him and DS. I was fucking livid and I still get angry thinking about it now, so YANBU.

Why on earth did either of u think he would be fit to drive after a day and night on the lash esp when he doesn't usually go out

It's called self control, and having made a promise to get his wife to where she wanted to go on a particular day! That had been planned months ago.

Op, You seem to feel that you can't be annoyed with him because he works long hours and you're a SAHM but that has nothing to do with the issue. Lose any idea that because he works hard he's somehow entitled to blow off your entire weekend!

I presume while he was out for the day yesterday you were looking after DD? And as he's a total write off today she's entirely your responsibility today too?

You are allowed to be pissed off because he has been selfish and inconsiderate and that effects you and SIL.

So what time did he eventually emerge from his pit?

About 12:30. I was a bit distant and explained that he was unreasonable and I was upset with him. He apologised a few times, which was fine. Then after an hour he expected me to be laughing and joking and listening to him tell me about his amazing night out, and be all sympathetic about how ill he felt. I was none of these things so we had a row about how he has just bought me a car so I have no right to be mad with him for going out. Sigh.

He bought you the car? So it isn't family money after all? I wonder if he things his time and money are a bit more important than yours hence staying out.

thinks not things

Well it is all family money. He works, I'm a SAHM. The car came out of the joint pot of money that we have but he refers to it as him buying me a car. Does that make sense?

No. Because if it's joint family money then you both have bought you a car. His argument has no foundation.

So as my income pays the mortgage should DH thank me for buying him a house? If you are a team then all contributions financial and non financial count equally and both parties have and equal right to the benefit of those contributions.