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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My partner voted leave and lied to me

118 replies

hellogoodbyehi · 02/07/2016 15:33

He was a Remain campaigner the whole time. Then I went on the shared computer today and he left an email up saying he voted leave but pretended to me that he voted Remain.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 02/07/2016 21:27

6 hours later and the OP hasn't returned. Why do some people post and run particularly when they are pretending to want opinions? After all the vote was over a week ago if she was busy today she could have waited until she wasn't busy it wasn't a drunken late night pissed off post.

PurpleDaisies · 02/07/2016 21:28

2rebecca I suspect they only want the opinions that agree with what they think.

MrsJaxTeller · 02/07/2016 21:29

Those of you who think this isn't a big deal are exactly the reason no-one should have asked your opinion on such important matters.

ODFOD. People have opinions and they are actually ALLOWED an opinion. Simply because someone doesn't agree with your opinion doesn't make their opinion less valid.

GrimmauldPlace · 02/07/2016 21:33

ODFOD. People have opinions and they are actually ALLOWED an opinion. Simply because someone doesn't agree with your opinion doesn't make their opinion less valid.

I second that.

Iflyaway · 02/07/2016 21:37

Since when was it anyone else's business which way somebody votes?

Well, I guess when you live together and have the same kind of values, that might be important.....?!

Thing is, why two people can't discuss their differences and come to "agree but disagree".

GrimmauldPlace · 02/07/2016 21:44

Well, I guess when you live together and have the same kind of values, that might be important.....?!

I completely disagree. I don't expect my DH to have the same opinions as me on every single thing in the world. Because I'm always going to think my opinion is right and him vice versa. As you say, agree to disagree. I know my DH and I know that we agree on the things that matter most to us. I don't know what is going to happen in the long run with the EU and UK, nobody does. Although most people seem to think they do. So I don't think it's right to criticise people on the way they've voted before we've even seen the final consequences of it. Even then, as long as I felt my DH had voted however he did based on research and what he truly believed was the right thing to do then I would be fine with whatever he voted. I didn't give away my own mind when I got married. I think for myself.

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/07/2016 21:48

I've said this on another thread but I think the difference between previous voting differences and the referendum voting differences is that the latter has exposed differing world views. Which is much harder to reconcile.

The post upthread mentioning voting Republican/Democrat in the USA...those aren't merely differing political views, they are differing world views.

The referendum has delivered us North American style politics.

Topseyt · 02/07/2016 21:49

Love the comment about OP being Corbyn's wife!

I have actually wondered too whether Boris Johnson might have secretly voted Remain whilst leading the Leave campaign. Of course, we will never know.

DH voted Leave and I voted Remain. Life would be boring if we all thought the same and never differed.

mynamesnotMa · 02/07/2016 21:49

He's probably scared of you.

ClaireVoyante · 02/07/2016 21:54

I guess it must have come as a bit of a shock to you that he has a brain.

Has he not shown any evidence of making decisions on his own before? Is he able to do basic tasks without supervision? Can he get his own breakfast for instance? Tie his shoe laces? Does he manage to put his dirty clothes in the linen basket?

Well, I hope you can find a way to go forward with him in your relationship. Maybe counselling would help?

2nds · 02/07/2016 21:54

I think that happened with a lot of votes secret leavers.

Tbh I can see your point, why didn't he just tell you what he was really thinking instead of lying about it?

user1467101855 · 02/07/2016 21:59

I completely disagree. I don't expect my DH to have the same opinions as me on every single thing in the world.

I know my DH and I know that we agree on the things that matter most to us

How do you disagree when the second part of your post completely agrees. You DO agree on the important stuff.

user1467101855 · 02/07/2016 21:59

I guess it must have come as a bit of a shock to you that he has a brain

More like a shock that he hasn't.

user1467101855 · 02/07/2016 22:02

Since when was it anyone else's business which way somebody votes?

Of course its your business whether you are married to someone who shares your values or someone that doesn't.

But the main point here, sailing over the heads of most of you, is that he LIED.

GrimmauldPlace · 02/07/2016 22:06

How do you disagree when the second part of your post completely agrees. You DO agree on the important stuff.

I disagree that his vote is my business. Because when it comes to politics it's all fucked up anyway. Lies from every direction. I don't believe that anybody, whichever way they voted, had a full set of facts before they chose which way to go. Because it all boils down to the fact that nobody knows. People can guess and may be right but it's still not certain.

We agree on how to raise our children and live our lives. We agree on things that we have control over.

Eliza22 · 02/07/2016 22:07

Umm, it's none of your business OP. It was his vote (and yours) to cast.

That's it.

GrimmauldPlace · 02/07/2016 22:12

Apparently not Eliza. Apparently when you're married to someone they have to vote the same way as you or else you really don't know them. If only I'd known 10 years ago that I should be asking future DH what his views on the EU were and what he would vote in a future referendum.

paxillin · 02/07/2016 22:14

His partner went on his computer to snoop on his emails.

Eliza22 · 02/07/2016 22:14

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/07/2016 22:15

Well a fair few will have MrsFizzy, those who have studied EU law and work in that field will have made very informed choices, regardless of what that choice was.

But I agree, besides a tiny minority, informed choices are likely few and far between. Not least because the referendum was handled atrociously. No referendum commission etc.

Both sides behaved as though it was merely a GE.

GrimmauldPlace · 02/07/2016 22:18

But I agree, besides a tiny minority, informed choices are likely few and far between. Not least because the referendum was handled atrociously. No referendum commission etc.

I spent a lot of time attempting to research the pros and cons of leave vs remain. I read pages and pages of discussions, articles from economy experts, listened to the leave and remain camps speeches. I still didn't know which way to vote literally right up until I put pencil to paper in the polling booth. I can see why both sides would believe what they were voting for was the right decision.

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/07/2016 22:22

Reading up on it doesn't automatically mean you are able to process it and make an informed decision based on your research.

I imagine if I was asked to make a decision regarding physics, for all the research I might do, that I would fail to fully understand.

Which is exactly why this referendum should not have happened, not as it did.

GrimmauldPlace · 02/07/2016 22:27

I agree completely, Alis, that's why I still didn't know which way to vote. Because I didn't have all the full facts. I just had to go with what I thought, with my limited knowledge, would be the best choice. As did my DH. That doesn't make one of us better than the other and it also doesn't mean we're incompatible.

Mycraneisfixed · 02/07/2016 22:30

Shame he felt he had to lie to you. Maybe you went on about Remain a bit too much. You both had the right to vote as you chose.

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/07/2016 22:35

I think we started at cross points MrsFizzy, I wasn't disagreeing with you. My husband and I have historically not agreed with each other politically, the referendum is something of an anomaly in terms of us agreeing with each other.

It is just all such an awful mess. Facing the prospect of Gove as PM whilst Labour eat themselves is extremely disturbing.

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