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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My partner voted leave and lied to me

118 replies

hellogoodbyehi · 02/07/2016 15:33

He was a Remain campaigner the whole time. Then I went on the shared computer today and he left an email up saying he voted leave but pretended to me that he voted Remain.

OP posts:

RepentAtLeisure · 02/07/2016 17:24

Why are people acting so world weary over all matters Brexit? It's going to be a hot topic for the next two and a half years kids!

user1467101855 · 02/07/2016 17:25

I've been married to my husband for 20 years, and I have no idea how he's ever voted in any election ever. There's a reason ballots are cast anonymously

There's also a reason couples talk to each other about very important things. Pretty weird marriage if you don't even know what way they vote. You don't even know them.

DinosaursRoar · 02/07/2016 17:26

Repent - because while it's going to be a bit of a big deal for the next few years, most people have got over the shock of the result. (which face it, no one was predicting, not even the 'leave' camp.)

Alisvolatpropiis · 02/07/2016 17:28

It is weird that he lied. Whichever way you voted, why lie?

ManonLescaut · 02/07/2016 17:34

Assuming it's true, you can always vote to leave him.

Winterbiscuit · 02/07/2016 17:42

What Tigger said.

Playduh · 02/07/2016 17:42

TBH - if he's a dick anyway, heres the excuse you've been looking for to leave him.

If he's lovely, do you want to cut your nose off to spite your face?

DH and I both voted remain but we're starting to tell certain people we voted leave (because they're mean and we like to stir)

What your DH actually voted is between him and the ballot box, the receiver of the email could equally be the one he's lying to.

Handsoffmysweets · 02/07/2016 17:43

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/07/2016 17:48

Perhaps he felt he couldn't tell you he was going to vote Leave because he thought you'd go ballistic.

RortyCrankle · 02/07/2016 17:49

Do your DH a favour and LTB. Oh, and grow up.

loobyloo1234 · 02/07/2016 17:49

Jeremy Corbyn's wife

dogdrifts · 02/07/2016 17:50

Lol user, really? Dh and I talk about politics and views all the time. And yet I have no idea how he votes. It's worked reasonably well for us for 25 years, three kids, twelve house moves and an emigration. I think we know each each other well enough to realize that a difference in how we vote means very little in the bigger picture. Am equally happy to be friends with, and chat to, people who have different views to mine. It's a little weird to think that it's necessary to only have relationships within the Borg. But it's pretty obv you are just here to stir it up, so meh.

steff13 · 02/07/2016 17:51

There's also a reason couples talk to each other about very important things. Pretty weird marriage if you don't even know what way they vote. You don't even know them.

I didn't say we don't talk about issues, but when it comes down to it, I don't know how he votes. We were both raised to believe your vote is private. That's not uncommon in the US. And I know him quite well, thanks.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 02/07/2016 17:52

Seriously though, why do you think he kept it from you? Are you quite strong willed and forthcoming with your views and opinions normally? Maybe he's scared of you....

Perhaps he felt he couldn't tell you he was going to vote Leave because he thought you'd go ballistic.

She must be pretty bloody terrifying if he felt the need to actually campaign for the opposite side.

KissMyArse · 02/07/2016 18:29

DH and I both voted remain but we're starting to tell certain people we voted leave (because they're mean and we like to stir)

LOL!

PortiaCastis · 02/07/2016 18:33

VestalVirgin · 02/07/2016 18:52

Assuming it's true, you can always vote to leave him.

Seriously, though, I don't get you people who are married to men of whose political opinions you know nothing.

What if there was a referendum to take voting rights away from women? Would you then not want to know what the man you love and trust votes? Would you not feel hurt if he lied to you?

Politics isn't just a game. Your vote has an actual impact that actually changes things. (Even if many Brexit voters don't seem to get this and are now surprised that their vote will actually lead to Brexit ...)

With Brexit, sure, you can be of different opinions and still love each other, but that's not the case with every political question.

She must be pretty bloody terrifying if he felt the need to actually campaign for the opposite side.

Yes, but he's a man. Men are saintly people who never lie of their own accord. Must be her bad influence.

user1467101855 · 02/07/2016 18:59

didn't say we don't talk about issues, but when it comes down to it, I don't know how he votes

If you don't know what way he votes, you obviously don't talk about any big issues. If you are in the US and you don't know if he's a democrat or a republican, you don't know him at all.
Bizarre way to run a marriage.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 02/07/2016 19:17

Perhaps you could gently try and lever him out, while he refuses to leave insisting he has your full support, and his erstwhile friends circle round competing to take his place?

peachpudding · 02/07/2016 19:17

I wonder if DH felt forced to lie because op would have freaked out knowing the truth. So he could have been doing the best he could to keep the peace. Some self reflection needed!

user1467101855 · 02/07/2016 19:21

I wonder if DH felt forced to lie because op would have freaked out knowing the truth. So he could have been doing the best he could to keep the peace. Some self reflection needed!

Yes, when a man tells lies to his wife, its usually her own fault for making him do so.
Take that over to the relationships board, see if you get out alive

shazzarooney999 · 02/07/2016 19:28

Hmmm, one post?

peachpudding · 02/07/2016 19:42

Take that over to the relationships board, see if you get out alive

It's a little white lie to keep the peace, we're not talking about an affair. And yes sometimes people do bend the truth to keep the peace. I know I have.

BoopTheSnoot · 02/07/2016 19:54

He's a grown adult and free to vote any way he chooses. Would it be a deal breaker for you? If so, you have bigger problems than him voting in a certain way.

user1467101855 · 02/07/2016 20:15

Its not a white lie, and its not unimportant. How you vote on important issues speaks to who you are as a person, what you believe in, and how you want the world to be. If you tell your wife that you share the same values as her and want the same things, but then vote for something completely opposite, you are not just lying about the vote. You're misrepresenting yourself and telling fundamental lies about yourself.

Those of you who think this isn't a big deal are exactly the reason no-one should have asked your opinion on such important matters.

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