Things not to say to a pregnant woman

[DesignedForLife]

Heavily pregnant, with lively toddler in tow. Put a lot of effort into making DH a lovely made from scratch lasagna for supper, nearly ready when he walked through the door (he's got a lot of extra work on at the moment, thought he'd appreciate it). He said he didn't want dinner as he didn't have time. Which of course, made me burst into tears.

Please share what unhelpful things have been said to you, maybe it will make me feel better.

He's getting fish fingers and chips for dinner for the next few months. (He does do his share of cooking usually).

Had an appt with a midwife at UCH when I was 20 something weeks and explained that I had been vomiting non-stop for almost 2 days, had a crippling headache and felt dizzy. I said I felt something was wrong. His response was to tell me I was "emotional and over tired" and should "go home and put my feet up."

I collapsed at home 2 hours later and ended up in hospital suffering from severe dehydration. I was kept in for 2 days on a drip. At least I got to put my feet up

"Oh watch yourself"
Said by my mum as she watched me lift toddler into car (the harness is apparently witchcraft to her so she gave up on trying to help).
Said phrase also uttered by my mother any time she watched me lift heavy shopping, boxes etc.

"How can you possibly get any bigger " (30 weeks) and "Well at least you know it's not twins" (38 weeks), feeling huge but all bump and allegedly 'neat' from the midwives and 101 other people,and having lost a twin at around 8 weeks bites tongue, smiles weakly, shouts the c word in my head

Are you sure you've just got one in there?! You're huge!

My landlord asked me if I was excited and I told her we were very excited and we are having a boy, then she whispered "I meant, did you mean to get pregnant? Was it planned?"

A fucking annoying frenemy. "Your bump is really small, you need to get it checked out" - constantly. Until I finally snapped and told her the truth - that I was nervous as my bump was big for dates and they wanted to schedule another scan to make sure all was well.

Not pregnant but 3 days post-partem from my husband when I was curled up blissfully holding my beautiful baby: "what would you do if the hospital rang up right now and said you'd brought the wrong baby home?". I burst into tears.

Gah! So many of these leave me speechless.

I'm lucky enough to work for a company that lets pregnant women use a car service to and from work if they don't feel up to the commute. I felt great throughout and didn't use this until one of my last weeks when I had bad sciatica.

The morning drivers were silent, which was great but every afternoon driver had a different horror story about someone or other or intrusive questions. The very worst was:

Driver: So, you had that Down's test then?
Me: Yes
Driver: What you gonna do if its got it?

"Nothing prepares you for being a parent. NOTHING!!!" on and on and fucking on, along with the labour scare stories and a load more about how utterly horrendous hard work being a parent is and we just couldn't imagine it.

Still waiting for the seismic shock of becoming a parent, because with two DC it's been pretty much what we expected beforehand.

If had the twins question every single time I left the house. The same people would ask me over and over... But are they sure? They can get it wrong you know... But you're just so big! I was showing by 8 weeks. Started very slim and gained 5 stone, then had a very large baby. I knew I was huge, I didn't need people telling me over and over and over. A fat man in the street walked over to me and said 'carrying a bit of extra weight there...'. Genuinely seemed to think he was being friendly.

My mom asked whether it was planned, the first thing she asked once I'd told her. I'm married, in my late twenties and already have another child. I'd already explained to her that we would be trying for a baby since I had serious health problems first time round and she was terrified, so I don't know why she even asked it.

I met another woman in the hospital who considered herself the only woman to have ever been pregnant. I saw her there quite a lot. She asked people in the triage area why they were there, then told them they were SO LUCKY because her baby was breech and that was far worse than anything else. Some of those women were possibly there because of no movement, bloody terrified. I had to avoid her as much as possible, she learnt my name and would pretend to be concerned about me so she could win the difficult pregnancy competition.

My husband's manager started making snarky comments when he told her how exhausted I was at the end. She hasn't had children, but her mom has had quite a few in recent years, so I was constantly compared to her mom. 'Oh... She struggled walking around the shopping centre? Well my mom went shopping whilst in labour, easy as anything'. She did shut up when he explained to her the many problems I'd had and the bloody size of the baby I'd been carrying around. She was trying to make out that I was some huge wimp and making it up to get sympathy from people. I'd actually been physically caring for my terminally ill mother in law throughout the pregnancy, which she knew about, so hearing that she was implying I was lazy and a pampered princess really got to me.

People assumed that I was a first time mom. I look young now and had my first pretty young, so had a lot of condescending advice from less experienced moms than me.

I think everything annoyed me when I was pregnant, really

Oh the ginger biscuits one is the worst.

When pregnant with ds1, I constantly got told how small my bump was and how I was going to have a tiny baby.

With ds2 I got told how enormous I was.

I think the best things you can say to pregnant women are

You're looking well
How are you feeling?
You'll be a great mum

No need for anything else!

'Oooooh, aren't you getting big?!'
'You're as big now [at 4 months] as I was when I gave birth!'

And, all from MiL....
'Are you planning to lose the weight?'
'Was it planned?'
'How much weight have you put on? Do you want to use my scales?'