Things not to say to a pregnant woman

[DesignedForLife]

Heavily pregnant, with lively toddler in tow. Put a lot of effort into making DH a lovely made from scratch lasagna for supper, nearly ready when he walked through the door (he's got a lot of extra work on at the moment, thought he'd appreciate it). He said he didn't want dinner as he didn't have time. Which of course, made me burst into tears.

Please share what unhelpful things have been said to you, maybe it will make me feel better.

He's getting fish fingers and chips for dinner for the next few months. (He does do his share of cooking usually).

[Spudlet]

'Oooooh, aren't you getting big?!'
'You're as big now [at 4 months] as I was when I gave birth!'

And, all from MiL....
'Are you planning to lose the weight?'
'Was it planned?'
'How much weight have you put on? Do you want to use my scales?'

[Babysafari]

Oh the ginger biscuits one is the worst.

When pregnant with ds1, I constantly got told how small my bump was and how I was going to have a tiny baby.

With ds2 I got told how enormous I was.

I think the best things you can say to pregnant women are

You're looking well
How are you feeling?
You'll be a great mum

No need for anything else!

[Splandy]

If had the twins question every single time I left the house. The same people would ask me over and over... But are they sure? They can get it wrong you know... But you're just so big! I was showing by 8 weeks. Started very slim and gained 5 stone, then had a very large baby. I knew I was huge, I didn't need people telling me over and over and over. A fat man in the street walked over to me and said 'carrying a bit of extra weight there...'. Genuinely seemed to think he was being friendly.

My mom asked whether it was planned, the first thing she asked once I'd told her. I'm married, in my late twenties and already have another child. I'd already explained to her that we would be trying for a baby since I had serious health problems first time round and she was terrified, so I don't know why she even asked it.

I met another woman in the hospital who considered herself the only woman to have ever been pregnant. I saw her there quite a lot. She asked people in the triage area why they were there, then told them they were SO LUCKY because her baby was breech and that was far worse than anything else. Some of those women were possibly there because of no movement, bloody terrified. I had to avoid her as much as possible, she learnt my name and would pretend to be concerned about me so she could win the difficult pregnancy competition.

My husband's manager started making snarky comments when he told her how exhausted I was at the end. She hasn't had children, but her mom has had quite a few in recent years, so I was constantly compared to her mom. 'Oh... She struggled walking around the shopping centre? Well my mom went shopping whilst in labour, easy as anything'. She did shut up when he explained to her the many problems I'd had and the bloody size of the baby I'd been carrying around. She was trying to make out that I was some huge wimp and making it up to get sympathy from people. I'd actually been physically caring for my terminally ill mother in law throughout the pregnancy, which she knew about, so hearing that she was implying I was lazy and a pampered princess really got to me.

People assumed that I was a first time mom. I look young now and had my first pretty young, so had a lot of condescending advice from less experienced moms than me.

I think everything annoyed me when I was pregnant, really

[Drbint]

"Nothing prepares you for being a parent. NOTHING!!!" on and on and fucking on, along with the labour scare stories and a load more about how utterly horrendous hard work being a parent is and we just couldn't imagine it.

Still waiting for the seismic shock of becoming a parent, because with two DC it's been pretty much what we expected beforehand.

[MeridianB]

Gah! So many of these leave me speechless.

I'm lucky enough to work for a company that lets pregnant women use a car service to and from work if they don't feel up to the commute. I felt great throughout and didn't use this until one of my last weeks when I had bad sciatica.

The morning drivers were silent, which was great but every afternoon driver had a different horror story about someone or other or intrusive questions. The very worst was:

Driver: So, you had that Down's test then?
Me: Yes
Driver: What you gonna do if its got it?

[PortiaFinis]

A fucking annoying frenemy. "Your bump is really small, you need to get it checked out" - constantly. Until I finally snapped and told her the truth - that I was nervous as my bump was big for dates and they wanted to schedule another scan to make sure all was well.

Not pregnant but 3 days post-partem from my husband when I was curled up blissfully holding my beautiful baby: "what would you do if the hospital rang up right now and said you'd brought the wrong baby home?". I burst into tears.

[Ellioru]

My landlord asked me if I was excited and I told her we were very excited and we are having a boy, then she whispered "I meant, did you mean to get pregnant? Was it planned?"

[verytiredmummy1]

Are you sure you've just got one in there?! You're huge!

[cheapredwine]

"How can you possibly get any bigger " (30 weeks) and "Well at least you know it's not twins" (38 weeks), feeling huge but all bump and allegedly 'neat' from the midwives and 101 other people,and having lost a twin at around 8 weeks bites tongue, smiles weakly, shouts the c word in my head

[Mumberjack]

"Oh watch yourself"
Said by my mum as she watched me lift toddler into car (the harness is apparently witchcraft to her so she gave up on trying to help).
Said phrase also uttered by my mother any time she watched me lift heavy shopping, boxes etc.

[Eastie77]

Had an appt with a midwife at UCH when I was 20 something weeks and explained that I had been vomiting non-stop for almost 2 days, had a crippling headache and felt dizzy. I said I felt something was wrong. His response was to tell me I was "emotional and over tired" and should "go home and put my feet up."

I collapsed at home 2 hours later and ended up in hospital suffering from severe dehydration. I was kept in for 2 days on a drip. At least I got to put my feet up

[Duckstar]

"Twins?" "There must be 2 in there"

No. Just the one. Horrified looks

"Well you must be ready to pop."

I just smiled and said yes (was in fact only 34 weeks).

Baby was 8lb. I just was all bump.

[Daffodil90]

I got the 'oooh have you had a Guinness?? You should have a guinness!!' When at works drinks. I didnt like it before, and I'm not going to be trying it now thanks. Well aware you can have a little amount of booze but I decided to teetotal it, to others disappointment.
DH thinks someone said 'was it planned' to us but I can't remember it so it must have just happened to him when sharing the news!

[Andrewofgg]

^When expecting my 1st child- now 25 , I mentioned we had been to see The Silence of the Lambs. " how disgusting " exclaimed a colleague "that child will be born evil now".

Years ago when LBC ran hour after hour of mindless drivel phone-ins I heard a woman say that she was smoking while pregnant so that her baby would be immune to lung-cancer. Probably a relation of your colleague!

[OutsiderInTheGarden]

Oh Pink that's really awful. I'm sorry for your loss, what a terrible thing to have to endure.

[Pinkheart5915]

My first pregnancy ended in stillbirth very late in the pregnancy and when I was pregnant with ds a "friend" said oh I'm surprised you've got the cot and baby stuff after what happened last time, have they said the chances of it happening again, I wouldn't of had another one after the stillbirth you was a mess

Thanks for that "friend" that really cheered me up no end.

[Jasperkiss5]

The worst thing said to me when I was pregnant a year ago with my first and only child was from a 'friend' who is in her late 40's and suddenly decided that she wanted another. She was really jealous of my pregnancy throughout and turned on me in a number of ways.

When I was 39 weeks she said to me that she nearly bought us a card the other day for when we have the baby, but she put it back because she is superstitious and didn't think it right to buy a card yet. So basically she was implying that she picked a card up but put it back because she thought something may happen to my baby. I thought that was such an awful thing to say. Not something you say to a pregnant woman by any means!

Oh and my mother in law spent a good 20 minutes telling me about a woman on tv who had a still born at 40 weeks and how terrible it was. Not something you want to hear.

[BuntyBlue]

I can't imagine you as a mother .

You're so small, you need to eat properly to have a healthy baby, not be worrying about your figure . I ate plenty and was very worried about the baby's growth and had to have weekly scans.

Incredible how rude people can be.

[Beedoo123]

"Oh you're having twins? I know someone who had twins; they died."
Said to me by a lady on the checkout at budgets!

[thequeenofsandwich]

When expecting my 1st child- now 25 , I mentioned we had been to see The Silence of the Lambs. " how disgusting " exclaimed a colleague "that child will be born evil now". . A more loving , caring son I couldn't imagine

[DesignedForLife]

Have to say I think DSis had it worse... Long hard journey to conceive during which she had several people tell her off for putting her career first happily has beautiful babies now though.

[LoucheLady]

"Are you sure you should be drinking that cup of tea?" My FIL, the man for whom the word mansplainer was invented.

[OutsiderInTheGarden]

"You're a glutton for punishment!" Helpful. Thanks.

[Leggytadpole]

Oh and "are you expecting again already?" Pointing to my baby belly when I was holding my 8 week old.

[Leggytadpole]

"Are you going to breastfeed it? Eurgh you'll end up with saggy tits" said by my then manager!