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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU- she passed my newborn to a stranger

100 replies

mummylove2monsters · 01/07/2016 13:08

I recently dropped my dd at a party - the host asked for a cuddle with my new baby - I handed baby to her - went to kiss my dd goodbye ( she was a cross the garden with her friends ) , when I turned round there was a little crowd around baby ( ok that happens babies are lovely ) but the host had handed my baby to a complete stranger - I went hot inside ! I feel like people should ask before holding your baby and as I'm not even close with the host - it wasn't her place to hand my baby over to anyone anyway !!! Aibu ? XXXX

OP posts:

Inertia · 02/07/2016 10:38

I think it's understable to feel that way - the urge to protect your baby and keep her/him close can feel overwhelming.

If you're reluctant about passing your baby around then perhaps a sling is the answer? That way nobody gets offended when it's too much hassle to take the baby out of the sling.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/07/2016 10:46

I'm sort of torn. I suppose it is an animal instict and go into protective mode. Just a mother lion would if someone were to touch her cubs. However as previously said humans are more able to rationalise.
It's not like it's your first baby. I think to say. You went hot inside is, (if I'm honest)a tad dramatic

SarahJane333 · 02/07/2016 11:13

Yabu, move on.

QueenImprov · 02/07/2016 11:24

Yanbu, it's motherly instincts. Plus at social events, I don't want anyone holding my baby who has had too much to drink. I had similar situation recently, where my baby was passed to a stranger at a party, who then preceded to walk away with her and burp her quite vigorously. I was furious!

Original poster

mummylove2monsters · 02/07/2016 11:46

Squigglegirl - I think a newborn is different to a 9 year old . They are far more at vanrable to infection etc - plus she is able to go to the people she knows there for help - but it's unlikely that anyone would be trying to pick her up and kiss her head - the lady holding my baby was a total stranger to me and I have no idea if she smoked or not as I'd only been there minutes- she kissed her head as I walked over to take her back - I personally felt really uncomfortable .

OP posts:

Original poster

mummylove2monsters · 02/07/2016 11:49

Inertia- yes I have a lovely sling - just really was only dropping my daughter off so didn't think to bring it x

OP posts:

LightDrizzle · 02/07/2016 11:57

YANBU! I would never pick up someone's baby without asking them, and I'd never pass someone's baby to a third person who wasn't a regular, trusted career without checking.

Original poster

mummylove2monsters · 02/07/2016 17:50

Thankyou xxxx for the most part people seem to get why I felt that way - I'm not mad lol

OP posts:

Savagebeauty · 02/07/2016 17:52

I think you are xxxx

Whinyleonard · 02/07/2016 17:59

I have no desire to hold other people's babies. I use these threads as an excuse

Whinyleonard · 02/07/2016 18:01

But no you are not mad, it's not the end of the world but I have rarely encountered a newborns parent who likes everyone piling in. I'm sure your baby is lovely but if we meet I promise I won't want a hold

Kalispera · 02/07/2016 18:05

A friend of a friend held your baby for less than 30 seconds.

You are not being unreasonable. You are being quite ridiculous and precious and seem like a bit of a pain in the arse.

NavyAndWhite · 02/07/2016 18:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/07/2016 20:25

I was at work and we had all been cooing over a new born sibling of one of our patients. One of my colleagues went and asked for a cuddle then offered me the baby, while mum was there and without asking her first. I was a bit suprised and said no, it wasn't her decision to make.

BackforGood · 02/07/2016 20:40

YABU and precious (can't even say pfb, as you have at least one older one)

But if she's newborn, I guess you can blame your hormones.

RubbleBubble00 · 02/07/2016 21:36

meh I've three kids and younger two often were pass the baby parcel at toddler groups ect. As long as baby dc weren't crying it was fine. Who doesn't love a baby hold

AprilLoveJ · 02/07/2016 21:57

Yanbu. It's just a natural biological reaction. What would be unnatural and unreasonable would be over-reacting to their face. That's where brain logic and social etiquette takes over from hormones/protective instinct. (I agree it's not always possible with post baby hormones however ;)

Now smokers on the other hand. I managed to convince myself my baby would pass away in the night after being held by a smoker. I was polite about it but inside I wanted to claw her away from them. Sil would go outside to smoke inbeteen holds I didn't have the courage to speak up then but I do now. As if I was barely sleeping already. Whether it was a risk or not I just didn't need the added stress at the time, I was quite ill after the birth. So I get that one. I will be politely asking them to not smoke at all during visits for next time, who cares if IABU.

kali pain in the arse? Really? I'm guessing you have never read much before. There's more of a reason for these thoughts and feelings that is based in actual science than in just being a 'pain in the arse'. You sound quite dumb honestly.

Kalispera · 03/07/2016 09:02

Now April, how do you get from me thinking the OP sounds like a pain in the arse to me never having read much?

Pot, kettle, love.

Original poster

mummylove2monsters · 03/07/2016 09:03

Kalispera - that's a bit mean - I'm sure there are things that bother you that maybe don't bother others but that doesn't make you a pain in the arse .
AprilloveJ - I'm totally with you on the smoking thing - my mil did the same and then I could smell fags on babies head ( even though she had gone out for fag and held her after ) non smokers can totally smell it more x

OP posts:

JessicaRabbit3 · 03/07/2016 09:05

I can understand this op my eldest DS hated been handed or past around by people he didn't know when he was a baby. He was unsettled for the full night. I never had a problem with the other two babies but for some reason DS reacted badly.

Kalispera · 03/07/2016 09:13

Erm, but you asked! And I do think it's quite an overreaction. Sorry, next time I'll check to see what kind of response you'd prefer before posting.

Original poster

mummylove2monsters · 03/07/2016 10:18

I don't mind other people's opinions it's why I asked - but to call someone you've never met a pain in the arse is just rude

OP posts:

NavyAndWhite · 03/07/2016 10:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OhGodWhatTheHellNow · 03/07/2016 10:38

With Ds I hated other people holding him, even the HV and family.

By Dd you could have wrapped her up and played pass the parcel with her and I wouldn't have noticed blinked. It's not logical how you react to these things so YANBU to mind.

Interestingly, Dd has always been more outgoing and less shy around new people, but this is probably just coincidence.

Original poster

mummylove2monsters · 03/07/2016 10:59

NavyAndWhite so it would seem lol but don't get the name calling lol . I didn't make a scene at the time in question I just was inwardly bothered so wasn't a "pain in the arse " to anyone lol I can take constructive criticism but find name calling a bit silly lol
Read a couple of threads now where people say rude uncalled for things - strange way for adults to behave though eh ?

OP posts:

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