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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- she passed my newborn to a stranger

100 replies

mummylove2monsters · 01/07/2016 13:08

I recently dropped my dd at a party - the host asked for a cuddle with my new baby - I handed baby to her - went to kiss my dd goodbye ( she was a cross the garden with her friends ) , when I turned round there was a little crowd around baby ( ok that happens babies are lovely ) but the host had handed my baby to a complete stranger - I went hot inside ! I feel like people should ask before holding your baby and as I'm not even close with the host - it wasn't her place to hand my baby over to anyone anyway !!! Aibu ? XXXX

OP posts:
qwom · 01/07/2016 13:54

YANBU
I would feel exactly how you did!

TransformersRobotsInDaSky · 01/07/2016 13:55

Personally it wouldn't have bothered me, I liked my DS being around lots of different people as I felt it helps them to learn and be stimulated and to get used to others than those familiar to him. I am also of the ilk that didn't mind strangers stroking him or patting his head and find it a bit Hmm that so many people feel so strongly against that type of thing.

So I think YABU.

tinymeteor · 01/07/2016 13:56

YABU, I'm afraid! It's your hormones putting you in she-wolf mode. It's not like she handed them to the nearest person in the street and wandered off. A newborn getting passed around for cuddles at a friendly party at someone's house is nice, and normal. Enjoy the freedom to hold a drink and a plate of food at the same time, it won't happen much for a while.

pinkbraces · 01/07/2016 13:57

Just Hmm.

OutsiderInTheGarden · 01/07/2016 13:58

I really hate the term 'precious' used in this type of context, like it's an accusation of some over-the-top behaviour. Of course you are 'precious' about a newborn baby, who the hell wouldn't be? But OP I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the hormones; they turned me into a tiger too. I didn't like other people holding my newborn either, not even some family members, but I tried to keep telling myself it was just my crazy hormones. I'm going to say YANBU because it's completely understandable to feel this way, and it's not like you snapped or shouted at any one. Congratulations on your new baby, by the way. Flowers

Fedupd0tcom · 01/07/2016 13:59

I totally understand and don't think you are being unreasonable. Unfortunately I think people just think they can cuddle anyone's baby...well you can't and should ask first. X

Babysafari · 01/07/2016 14:00

Yabu, but it's totally understandable. I hated anyone holding mine when they were tiny especially when they came back stinking of perfume.

Original poster
mummylove2monsters · 01/07/2016 14:06

I did plaster in a smile - I've got good at that as I have the in laws from hell Smile . - I think people should always consider the mum though - I wouldn't dream of A: handing someone's baby over without a little nod or OK from mum or
B: touching a baby if I didn't know the mum
As for your hubby jealousy woes scribblegirl I totally get it - especially if the woman knows dam well my hubby is indeed a 'hubby' and not a single man lol

OP posts:
Original poster
mummylove2monsters · 01/07/2016 14:22

Omg babysafari - my mil does it all the time fags and perfume - I've asked her not to but she does anyway - and if we are out side and she smokes me baby she thinks I'm pathetic for moving a bit further away because she feels it's fine outside , I tell her its not fine if your down wind lol

OP posts:
sepa · 01/07/2016 14:26

I would hate it even now and DD is 4 months old. I wouldn't hand a baby over without checking with the parent(s). As had been mentioned previously about a cold sore

OutsiderInTheGarden · 01/07/2016 14:27

It's not fine. Smoke will cling to her clothes, and especially to her hair. Human hair is like a sponge and it will absorb masses of smoke. I feel for you OP, your MIL sounds difficult.

WeirdAndPissedOff · 01/07/2016 14:29

I don't think YABU, as long as you didn't cause a scene, and I'm surprised at how many think you are.
I get that everyone wants cuddles with a newborn, but surely Mum should be asked before baby is passed around, especially to people she doesn't know?

toldmywrath · 01/07/2016 14:29

YANBU. I always ask for a new born cuddle & would pass back to the mum, unless she said it was OK for me to hand over( to my DH for example). It shouldn't end up as a game of pass the parcel.

Kit2015 · 01/07/2016 14:30

I was the same. Really shocked me how anxious and nervous I got when people help my newborn (even my DM with 30years midwifery experience.) As long as you don't freak out at people your okay.

BTW my DD is now 15month and some days I would happily let her play with any one! No really, anyone want to come play with her? ;)

Original poster
mummylove2monsters · 01/07/2016 14:59

Outsiderinthegarden lol my mother in law is the reason there are mother in law jokes - she is awful Confused a real stereotypical inlaw . I could tell so many stories that would give you nightmares - when my son was a few months old she poured my expressed breast milk away saying "it's too hot for that shite " and proceeded to try and fill the bottle with Diet Coke Shock obviously I didn't allow it but still lol

OP posts:
JudyCoolibar · 01/07/2016 15:02

Would you in fact have said no if she'd asked you if it was OK?

user1467101855 · 01/07/2016 15:02

She didn't go off to do anything she was still there plus I was only across the garden for all of 30seconds

So someone held your baby, perfectly nicely and safely, for less than 30 seconds, and you didn't know them?
So what? Were you friends with every nurse, dr, HV etc that held the baby? What does it matter?

queenofthepirates · 01/07/2016 15:03

You are being a little crackers but I was just the same at that stage. My mother took my 1 week old DD out of the car at the supermarket and whilst I was taking a call, started walking towards the shop. I screamed at her and wrenched my precious, unharmed daughter from her, scaring the beejesus out of her at the same time. And that was my mother not a stranger. I was being a loon but you're at the mercy of hormones and quite sensible to get a second opinion on here.

OutsiderInTheGarden · 01/07/2016 15:04

Holy shit mummylove! Well, at least it was Diet!?Confused

KayTee87 · 01/07/2016 15:07

Yanbu it's a perfectly normal way to feel, it would have been unreasonable if you'd started screaming and shouting but you didn't.

pinkladyapple · 01/07/2016 15:08

when my son was a few months old she poured my expressed breast milk away saying "it's too hot for that shite " and proceeded to try and fill the bottle with Diet Coke

If someone did that to me they would never see my baby again. Angry

Oysterbabe · 01/07/2016 15:15

Yanbu. I would not be happy with a stranger holding my newborn without my permission.
TBH I only grudgingly let her dad hold her Wink

Ed1tY0urPr0f1le · 01/07/2016 16:14

To be fair, she might not have had the option if she was cornered by an expert baby hogger who snatched the baby from her when she'd only had a few seconds cuddle time. Some people can go a bit giddy around newborns and, yes, they should have more consideration of the mother's feelings!

I can remember almost hyperventilating with anxiety when my mil barged me out of the way so she could push the pram containing my precious bundle. I knew I was being irrational but I wanted to deck her and run away with my baby!

Yanbu to feel the way you did. Yes, logically, nothing was going to happen, baby was fine etc etc but mother tiger instincts can be very strong when they are tiny! I often used a sling to avoid them being grabbed from me Grin

Your mil sounds like a piece of work though!

Johnny5isAlive · 01/07/2016 16:24

YANBU. You do not pass a baby to someone else without the parents permission. Similarly you don't ask for a cuddle unless you're asking the parent

blushrush · 01/07/2016 16:26

I don't have children but I would have felt the same OP.

I would never dream of handing a baby to someone without checking with the mother first, it's just common courtesy.

Just because babies are cute, that doesn't mean everyone is entitled to hold it.

I feel the same about touching pregnant women's tummies without asking first. To me, it is very rude indeed.