AIBU- she passed my newborn to a stranger

[mummylove2monsters]

I recently dropped my dd at a party - the host asked for a cuddle with my new baby - I handed baby to her - went to kiss my dd goodbye ( she was a cross the garden with her friends ) , when I turned round there was a little crowd around baby ( ok that happens babies are lovely ) but the host had handed my baby to a complete stranger - I went hot inside ! I feel like people should ask before holding your baby and as I'm not even close with the host - it wasn't her place to hand my baby over to anyone anyway !!! Aibu ? XXXX

user1467101855 I think partly it's the being asked - plus even my midwifes and Heath visitor ask before they do anything with my baby lol

I think people should always consider the mum though

She probably didn't think there was anything to consider.

Your title makes it sound like she handed you baby over to a random passer-by when in reality she let her friend have a cuddle while you were feet away.

It's honestly no big deal.

YANBU, OP, I would have felt the same but unfortunately you will get flamed and accused of being precious as there are some people on here who seem to think that babies are public property and people, even strangers, have the right to take your baby out of your arms/hold their hand/touch their face and even if you, the mother are unhappy or feel uncomfortable, you should just suck it up because, y'know, people love babies

Bit of an exaggeration there Islandgirl.

No one thinks that.

YABabitU. When I took my baby into work, all sorts of people held her and cuddled her and she even ended up going on a trip down the corridor for a chat and a cuddle with some colleagues I didn't particularly know whilst I had a cup of tea and a chat with ones that I did.

However, my grandma handed my newborn baby to an actual stranger; a teenage girl outside a supermarket who had started to coo over him whilst my grandma held him and I put the trolley away. My concern was that, if the girl had decided to do a runner, my 78 year old grandma would have been powerless to do anything.

I've also held babies when I didn't know the mother and someone has brought a baby into work and I've started whilst they were on maternity leave. I'm not even a baby person, but they do seem to end up doing the rounds.

I think you are being unreasonable. What sort of world are we heading for if we have to ask permission to hold a baby in the cicrumstances that you describe?

A pretty sterile one is the answer!

However, as you left your older child there-without knowing who was going to take her hand or wipe her chin, then you are probably just having a rush of hormones and therefore innocent of unreasonabilty!

You're being unreasonable. It could well be a stranger who comes to your daughter's aid one day.

YANBU at all, it's your newborn baby. When there's things like meningitis etc becoming more and more common you don't want just any random strangers touching your baby. I'd be completely annoyed.
Anyone who wants to hold my baby must wash their hands first. I don't care if it makes me seem 'precious' I'd rather my baby be safe. Fair enough when they're a bit older and their immune system is better developed, that's a different story

YANBU
My friend did this! Was having a cuddle with my baby, an older lady asked to hold her and before I could answer my friend said yes and handed her over!😮 Hated how powerless I felt about my own baby!

YANBU at all it's basic instinct I would be the same

I don't think a 9 year old needs her hand held or chin wiped.
I agree with you OP, when we had our DD1, 24 years ago! We like first time parents attended parent craft classes, we were taught/told if the newborn baby is asleep don't pick then up and pass them around as it will be the parents who have to deal with it after the visitors have gone. We did this when we were still were still in hospital and my in in laws and the great grandmother came in, but DD1 was sleeping in her crib,so we kept her there asleep. The hoo haa that we got from them was foul we stood by are guns and they in laws are still foul now! We have had 4 children now and wе adopted the same thing, but our children are not the golden ones anyhow (that's another thread on its own!) YANBU:)

You are being ridiculous

Squiggleirl I didn't leave the baby with the host out of sight I just walked a few yards to kiss my dd goodbye as was only dropping her off ( she is 9 ) .

Exactly. So where's the problem? You were yards away. And the woman was obviously somebody you were prepared to leave your older child in the presence of. If I left my older child at a party, I would assume it could be any adult there would talk to her, or tie up her hair if it fell down or was bothering her, or helped her up and console her if she fell. These are all the kind things any adult would do for a child at a party. So if you're prepared for this woman to potentially do any of things for one of your children, why is it so awful that she held your baby for a few seconds?

If the only issue was she holding your baby without asking your permission, I think it's a bit sad that somebody can't show you child kindness and affection without running it by you first. By the sounds of it she didn't snatch the child, and the baby wasn't upset. In fact she was probably cooing over her affectionately the way most people would. There's no mention of her actually smelling of smoke or strong perfume, so the issue all seems to be about her holding your child without permission. Hardly awful behaviour on her part.

Yanbu I'd hate this! I never pass on a baby to someone that the mum doesn't know and I'd never ask to hold one if I didn't know the parent!

My cousins boyfriend did this to my sisters baby and she was pissed as well so yanbu

That's the kind of thing that would've sent me into a hot rage when I had DD. I now realise it's an overreaction but it's deffo something I'm not keen on.

YABU

Xxxx

I would have felt exactly the same whilst simultaneously acknowledging I was being unreasonable. When I had first DC, I was in the same room as her, MIL was cuddling her on the other sofa and I had tears welling up because my baby was too far away from me!

When people asked for a cuddle, I said 'oh actually she's a bit sicky today, I'd rather not' to prevent the red hot yearning inside!

Given you have just had your baby (massive congratulations by the way!) it's only natural to feel that way over others holding her. It's protective instinct isn't it?

Drama llama springs to mind