To think that no, I'm not breast feeding my toddler "for me" ....

[Writerwannabe83]

Breast feeding my toddler is not fun, it is a PITA!

He's 2yrs and 3m and I wish I had a time machine so I could travel back in time to when he was a year old and stop breastfeeding then because at his current age it seems impossible to do.

I'm fed up of him groping me, pulling at my clothes, asking for milk all the time and crying when I say no, I'm fed up of him having his hand inside my bra all the time and him still waking at nights and breast feeding being the only way to settle him off again. The whole thing just really annoys me!

I was at work the other day, talking to a colleague about my latest bad night with my toddler when another colleague jumped in and said, "It's because you're still feeding him, that's where all your problems lie."

I started to respond to her but she interrupted and smugly said, "You're only doing it for you...."

I saw red and shouted back at her, "No I'm not actually because I FUCKING HATE IT!"

Needless to say my outburst killed the conversation and she walked off. I did feel a bit guilty about snapping at her but the comment had really annoyed me.

AIBU to think that the concept of breast fed toddlers apparently being forced into it in order to satisfy the mother's needs slightly odd?

If anyone is being forced into it then I think it's me.

As an aside, any tips on how to stop breast feeding a toddler would be much appreciated.....

Nursing manners may help kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/nursing-manners-2/

Also to cheer you up this is a good read www.drmomma.org/2009/07/breastfeeding-in-land-of-genghis-khan.html?m=1

Personally I think it's really odd that western society is so insistent we must actively wean our children off the breast. If you wait it happens naturally. Plus weaning to replace human milk with cows is odd to me. Milk for baby cows clearly isn't as good for baby humans as human milk.

I think the selfish reasons come from the idea that if a child can get by without any dummies, bottles or breastmilk from 12 months, why would you still be BFing at 2?

Or is is that you're holding onto the babyhood or babying him?

Or you enjoy the cuddles?

Or you enjoy feeling needed? Being handcuffed to the baby etc

Or you don't get periods if you're BFing?

Or it keeps you thin?

These aren't my opinions, just suggestions of why people think BFing a toddler is unnecessary/selfish/weird. There are lots of random reasons.

You probably do annoy your colleagues by complaining about bad sleep all the time and your colleague is probably right that it would improve hugely if you night weaned.

Having read your second post OP, I would say that your colleague is wrong in saying you're only doing it for you, but I would say you're doing it as much for you as you are for your child.

Which again, is entirely your business and not for her to comment on.

Unless perhaps you mention it/moan about it a lot in front of her, in which case it's bound to invite comment.

Stop then. Why are you letting a two year old make the decisions about feeding, sleeping arrangements etc. You are the grown up, you can decide to stop. Will there be toddler shouting, crying, tantrums? Yes probably for a temporary period. If you don't want to stop because you dint want to deal with a shouty toddler then that's your choice and probably what people mean by carrying in for yourself. I can't imagine letting my toddler dictate like this.
Good luck reclaiming your body.

Oh, and just another thought - even if BF isn't affecting ovulation, if you're not getting enough rest that could well affect your TTC, so I would definitely, definitely recommend some kind of night weaning even if you don't wean completely. Not feeding at night anymore absolutely saved my sanity.

Writer, I had several losses around 7 weeks and each one ripped me apart. If you have any suspicion (as you suggest) that bfing affects conception then no wonder you are starting to feel resentful about it. I think there's a thread on here for women ttc while BF? I assume though that on 3 feeds a day your fertility would be back to normal.
Your toddler feeding is not a problem. You not liking it IS a problem and a good enough reason to stop. Your colleague is an asshole which can be a problem but you seem to have sorted it out with style

Sorry, I meant in particular the part where you said Due to my shifts I sometimes go 48 hours without seeing DS so I know he's fine without my milk but as soon as we are reunited it's all he seems to want. I'm also away from him overnight due to work about once a month.

So I'm sure it's a bonding experience for both of you.

"Good luck reclaiming your body."

Ok, this isn't entirely relevant to the OP, and I know some people feel this way (and I appreciate if you're being tormented by a voracious toddler you could be feeling VERY VERY touched-out and GET THE FUCK OFF ME) but I bloody hate the whole "if you stop breastfeeding you're reclaiming your body" trope. I'm still BF. My body is still mine. I still do lots of other fun things with it like dressing it up and yoga and swimming and sex.

This is good on the subject, by my awesome friend Kate: www.thefword.org.uk/2009/01/breastfeeding_r/

"Your toddler feeding is not a problem. You not liking it IS a problem and a good enough reason to stop."

Absolutely! I hope my posting what I did (which didn't involve stopping completely) didn't come across as me telling you shouldn't stop completely if you want to, just giving you some more options if it's just the relentlessness/sleep deprivation you hate.

Breastfeeding a toddler who is eating and drinking seems odd to personally me but I've always stopped when they got teeth at six months. It's your choice but you don't have to and I think she went it about it the wrong way but it's not essential anymore and if it is causing so much problems maybe it's time to give up.

My DD is 15 months and I hate breastfeeding, what is with the other nipple twiddling?! She's only just started doing it.
She doesn't eat food though do I can't just stop.
I'm glad you snapped at the other lady, she's sounds like a knob.

If it only happens at home, go camping for a week.
Have a total change of routine!

Good luck.

worra - you're probably right about him using it as a way to connect to me after we're apart for a long time. I think he struggles with me popping in and out of his life - which is probably how he sees it through his eyes.

My sister has taken him to the park, this morning, he's been back less than 5 minutes and he's already jumping on me and asking for "mummy milk"

Re: doing it for 'you', I think that's ok too in some cases. DS is not even 3 months but I really hope to manage to breastfeed him till he's 2, partly for his own health (excema, allergies, and type 2 diabetes in the family) but also partly for mine, my mum had breast cancer in her early 40s and I'll freely admit that I'm hoping to reduce my own risk.

I hadn't thought of it like that. Two members of my family have had breast cancer so I suppose it can be argued that BF'ing benefits me too.

If you 'fucking hate it' just stop! Honstly, no one likes a martyr

This.

But your post at 10:49 suggests you do like doing it. Untill your ready to stop comforting him this way and find alternatives you should stop blaming him.