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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just how unreasonable would it be to ask ds' key worker to let me know when she's next going on holiday?

20 replies

DextersMistress · 28/06/2016 11:36

I know I probably can't, but I want to.

Ds is 3 and goes to nursery every morning. There are three workers in his room, two of which are lovely (one being his key worker who ds adores) and a third who is nice enough, but looks like she doesn't really want to be there.

Last week, the first two were both on holiday and two workers from other rooms were drafted in to cover. On Thursday when I picked ds up he burst into tears when he saw me which is not like him. The regular worker was on her lunch so one of the others said ds had spent some time in the preschool room, and when he came back he was 'out of sorts'. I picked him up and noticed immediately he was burning up. I mentioned it and she said oh, do you want me to take his temperature? I said no it's ok, I'll do it at home.

He's now on antibiotics for tonsillitis.

Now obviously it's no ones fault he's ill, but any of the regular staff who know him would have noticed and phoned me. Would it be very unreasonable to ask to be told if they're both going to be off together again so I can keep ds off?

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 28/06/2016 11:41

Did you raise that with them? That's not acceptable childcare, whether or not he's with his usual keyworker.

I used to let my children's parents know when I'd be off, and introduce whoever would be covering for me - that often gave parents a chance to ask if the other usual people would be around, if they were interested. I wouldn't have minded being asked. Children need to know who to expect to be at nursery each day.

WorraLiberty · 28/06/2016 11:44

It would be far more reasonable to complain that the member of staff you spoke to, knew he was burning up but failed to take his temperature.

Original poster

DextersMistress · 28/06/2016 11:51

I don't know if she knew he was burning up, she said he'd been out of sorts when he started crying. The other worker then said 'Katie (the third regular who was on her lunch) said to tell you all he wanted to do today was lay down in the tent' so I suppose it should have been obvious to her he wasn't well.

Enough for a complaint you think?

OP posts:

KissMyArse · 28/06/2016 11:59

The worker said he seemed "out of sorts" not that he was burning up.

So basically your son was perfectly well when you took him to school in the morning but had developed a temperature when you collected him a few hours later.

I imagine lots of children feel a bit 'off' now and then. Some will be tired if they haven't slept well the previous night. None of that really screams 'very unwell and needing antibiotics' to them, especially if he was right as rain when you took him in.

I would speak to the Head about it but I really don't think a complaint is necessary.

Original poster

DextersMistress · 28/06/2016 12:16

Yes he was fine in the morning but clearly ill when I picked him up. My question was wibu to know when they'll be on holiday again.

OP posts:

SquidgeyMidgey · 28/06/2016 12:40

You could ask but it's going to come across as an indirect complaint so if that's not the aim then choose your words very carefully. I hope your ds is on the mend soon.

KissMyArse · 28/06/2016 12:40

My question was wibu to know when they'll be on holiday again.

No you wouldn't be unreasonable to request to know when they are on holiday.

Enough for a complaint you think?

This is why I said I didn't think a complaint was necessary but it's not unreasonable to speak to the Head.

Original poster

DextersMistress · 28/06/2016 12:59

Sorry kiss, I did say that but in response to pp suggesting I should complain. There is no Head, just a nursery manager.

Thanks Squidgey, he's getting there. If I was to ask, I'd just have a quite word with his key worker who I'm sure will keep it to herself.

OP posts:

Whizzyloofah · 28/06/2016 13:09

Ywbu to keep your son off nursery for no other reason than his usual two carers aren't there. Sorry, but that's ridiculous.

There's no telling whether or not had the other two been there they'd have picked up on his temperature.

It is quite sad that nobody gave him a cuddle and noticed his temperature. Although saying that, temperatures can spike pretty quickly. He may have felt sleepy and out of sorts, and spending time in another room wouldn't have helped. If the teachers in that room aren't familiar with your son, they wouldn't have known that he was out of sorts and may have presumed he was just quiet.

The carer did offer to take his temperature, you said no. If you were so worried, why would you not have let her do it and give him calpol immediately?

I think you're blowing it out of proportion tbh. It was bad that they didn't notice before you got there, but like I said, tenperatures can appear out of nowhere. He was fine in the morning when you left him, after all.

I hope he feels better soon.

MidniteScribbler · 29/06/2016 03:05

Nurseries and schools can't be ringing parents everytime there is a change in staffing. People go on holidays, they call in sick. Your DS will get used to staffing changes.

Helloitsme88 · 29/06/2016 04:03

Tbh it was just unfortunate that it happened to be a day that his key worker was off that your child got ill. I think keeping him off every time his my worker is away is a BU but entirely your choice. As for enough for a complaint.... You say he does morning sessions... So 4/5 hours max at nursery? Your DS wanted to lie down most of the day- sounds like he was well cared for and looked after as he wasn't crying constantly but just tired. You took his temp at home and turns out he has tonsillitis... Hardly warrants speaking to the head or complaining though! What would you say- they failed to pick up that he had a temperature and notify you in the 4 hours you were gone but you can't be exactly sure when he developed a temperature seeing as he was perfectly fine when you dropped him off this morning. Hmmmmmm sorry but I think that is unreasonable to me

ReallyTired · 29/06/2016 04:45

Nurseries are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Sometimes parents send in sick child because they risk losing their job. often parents get angry when their poorly child is sent home.

OlennasWimple · 29/06/2016 04:55

YWBU to expect notice that a member of staff is on leave so that you don't take your PFB to nursery that day. What would you do if they phoned in sick at short notice?

Original poster

DextersMistress · 29/06/2016 10:35

I didn't say I was going to complain, I asked pp if they thought there was reason to after they suggested it.

I also don't plan on taking him out every time his key worker is off, it was because 2 were off the same week.

He's also not my pfb!

I've found out today that he was crying earlier in the day too, and asking to lie down. Nursery worker said they had sent another child home sick so she thought he was probably ill. So now I am pissed off they didn't call me.

OP posts:

trafalgargal · 29/06/2016 11:34

You are indeed justified to be pissed they didn't ring you and I would complain.

if you knew his key worker was off would you keep him home ? Surely you'd still have to pay ?

OlennasWimple · 29/06/2016 11:39

I'd complain that the nursery didn't handle this well at all, and I hope he is feeling better soon. I don't see what it has to go with his key workers being away though - anyone working there should be able to deal with a poorly child properly

Benedikte2 · 29/06/2016 12:04

Two issues here OP.
Sickness: Don't complain just say you're disappointed you weren't notified as soon as the staff believed he was unwell, that you are always available and happy to collect him in those circumstances.
Leave: Ask key worker if she can let you know in advance if she has leave planned because DS is attached to her and you'd like to prepare him if she won't be there. Then you have the choice of keeping him home or preparing him for her absence. He was probably more upset today than usual because he was out of sorts. It is good for him to learn to cope with new faces etc because this will happen in the future. He is in an environment where he feels safe so when he's feeling ok he will cope fine. You subsequently discovered the staff were observant despite not knowing him well

trafalgargal · 29/06/2016 12:29

My feeling with childminder versus nursery was the latter meant my child was cared for by part of a small group and not one person (even a key worker isn't going to be the only Carer of them). Nurseries have the obvious advantage over childminders that if one person is sick or on holiday everything doesn't grind to a halt .

If you want your child cared for by just one person a good childminder or even a nanny or nanny share might b e a better option (I had a fab one ex nursery nurse so best of both worlds)

Original poster

DextersMistress · 29/06/2016 12:42

I know my title specifically says his key worker but tbh I think the problem was that two of the three regular staff were off together. I wouldn't take him out every time his key worker was off but if last weeks circumstances were repeated I probably would keep him off.

I think I will have to mention I'm not happy after the conversation I had today. They know I live close by and can come whenever, the person I spoke to today (the third regular) rang to see how he was as she knew he wasn't well on that day.

OP posts:

Helloitsme88 · 29/06/2016 21:32

I'm sorry but I think you are being pfb. He was poorly and lay down. He was there a max of 4 hours. Nursery would rather not keep a sick child so they didn't do it intentionally.

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