Friend wants to report couple at soft play?

[HavenforHaggis]

I'm actually bewildered by it all but would like some opinions. A friend I met at a baby group a few months ago became quite close to me and since we have DC of the same age we take them to a local soft play. It was packed so we asked a couple who had a DS of around 2 if we could share the sofa/table near the toddler pit that they occupied, they agreed with no problem. When snack time came about the boy's father picked him up and sat him on a high chair to feed him, the boy refused the food a few times so the father held the boy's face to get him to try the food which distressed him a bit. My friend commented that the boy seemed upset which caused his mum to explain to us that he had autism and quite a few sensory processing disorders so getting him to eat new textures is a challenge. She went on to say that he would happily live off his bottles of cows milk and has to be 'forced' to try our type of food as he does eat it after a few tries. I told her I understood as my own DD has autism.

I felt a bit bad for the mum as she felt the need to explain this to us but I thought that was the end of it until friend and I left. She commented that the father seemed to be 'domineering' his son and forcing him to eat like that while he was distressed was borderline abusive and that she has half a mind to report him. We're sitting in a cafe and she's still going on about it. I have no clue what to reply to this and it's making me
uncomfortable. Is she BU? How to I respond to this? 😳

And it doesn't sound like the child was force fed either.

It's NOT force feeding. It's judging your OWN situation and knowing what will work for YOUR autistic child. I have many times hovered with a plastic spoon and popped a taste on their lips/tongue when they didn't expect it, only ever food I knew they would tolerate though. For example peas would have made DS throw up immediately, texture, shape etc intolerable to him. If I didn't my children would still be living on chips and yoghurt now. The End.

Have to do what you have to do..Sorry,,my connection keeps crashing

But the thing is fanjor, they weren't doing that. They were trying to get him to taste the food so that he would eat. After tasting it he did eat. Forcing in my mind is forcing every little bite until it's finished. Not the first two in order to get your child to eat.

I don't know how you'd report to. She can't ring social services and say i saw this mum out with her child today I don't know her name or address but I think she's horrible

I also think you can't really judge if a child is being abused by seeing them at a soft play for a few hours unless the parent is clearly beating a child.

I think your friend will have to let this go.

Yes I agree..Sorry,,,post post was bitty because my connection keeps crashing

But in this case, the child's parents went out of their way to explain the situation to what were strangers who had come to sit next to them.

Nicki, I've done the exact same with DD and found new things that while she gagged at the start she has liked and now has a bit of a wider diet. If I didn't try this she'd still be living on porridge though I know she'd be perfectly happy living on it if I let her.

My previous post was in response to semi.

Well, I've explained to strangers why DD won't look them in the eye or why he won't respond to them or their children at soft play. Sometimes the stares and uncomfortable silences that follow when DD doesn't respond make me feel like I need To explain myself and defend DD

Sorry just wanted to explain that I have often felt the need to explain and justify my child's actions because I really do hate the looks. I hate the judgement because my child won't react the same way as other children or speak or even look at people.

I am reduced to a brusque "no need to stare, he/she has autism". It's not my job to educate the world and I am sick of doing it.

The parents who are abusive are not the ones openly sitting in a cafe 'forcing' food into their boy's mouth for all the world to see. Those parents are the parents who are just living life with a child who has ASD, trying to widen his diet. The abusive ones are the ones who wait until people aren't looking to dish out their abuse.

I think you need to find a new friend to be honest. You've tried to educate her but some people are judgemental to the core. Must be nice having nothing to worry about except the behaviour of people in a soft play.

I can't comment on the autism aspect but I can say from personal experience that while force feeding an NT child is pretty shit parenting it falls very far below the level at which SS would be interested. I am always amazed on MN what people think SS will respond to.

Yes she does, in exasperation I have in the past when dd was young, tried to force feel her food so that she does not starve, as her diet and eating was so limited. DD is 9 and as some of you know, has ASD and learning difficulties. I think your friend is being interferring and should kept her views to herself.

Now of course I don't force feed dd, I will tell her to try a bit more, if she does not want to she does not want to. But when she was a toddler and was loosing weight, and ribs sticking out I did what I thought was best. But at the end of the day I gave up, as she really did not want it, you cannot force.

I agree with your point that help for food refusal on the Nhs is non-existant bit that doesn't mean that I'm going to pretend that holding a distressed child's head and forcing them to try food while they ate visibly upset is ok just because the child has a disability

Sounds like you have had a lucky escape.....sooner or later she'd have reported you too.

Silly mare, walk in our shoes before thinking you know better is what she needs to be told.

OP: she thinks that if they occupy the same soft play as we do then it would be easy enough to get talking to them and get more information

So, on the basis of a 5 minutes seeing a father trying to encourage his disabled Son to eat, your friend wants to cosy up to them in order to get their names and details to report them to social services?

Your friend is a cunt. HTH.

I really feel for that couple. FWIW, I found that trying to bring up a child with AS is often a matter of finding the "lesser evil". To me, it sounds as though they have managed in this respect.

My DB and SIL had to do this with my nephew who has severe autism and is severely underweight. Literally once it hit his tongue he'd eat it (was hard to watch I admit, but they are his parents and work closely with appropriate professionals - I think they know better than anybody how best to manage my nephew's needs).

Ds isn't a fussy eater but we have to pin him down for medical procedures and occasionally for teeth brushing. Sometimes you do what you have to do.

My DS2 has suspected Autism. I know exactly what that couple are going through wrt food refusal. Judgemental twats who don't know you and think you are being abusive When you are just trying to do your best just make it even harder.

What about when I hold my 3 year old's hand/arm firmly so that he can't run in to the road as he doesn't have awareness of danger of cars, even though he's distressed because he doesn't want me to hold him. It's raining/we have somewhere to be and haven't got all day. What am I supposed to do? Suppose I am abusive as well right?

I have a child with autism and learning disabilities i,m lucky because overall he eats ok i cant get medicine in him though which he needs for his chronic constipation we have had to resort to sending it into his special school so they can give it to him as they say if you have met one child with autism you have met one child with autism.