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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be seriously fucked off?

26 replies

Mrmajeika · 25/06/2016 23:55

Name changed for this but I am a long time poster.

Child free day today and I was upset because I wanted to go somewhere and DH wanted to go to cricket. In end we went for a cocktail and he had 3 to my 1 as we had car. I dropped car off and went for dinner.

DH was argumentative towards everyone all day. After dinner we got DC back (DSS10, DS8 and DD7). DH had already had enough to drink and was trying to provocate them.

He hurt DSS's nose fighting with them and carried on winding. I told him to leave them alone.

On the way home they were playing but not being naughty and DH grabbed DS and smacked him in the face.

DH then tried to grab DS but he was scared. I asked him to leave DS alone but he kept trying to grab him and he pushed me. DSS then came down crying because he had been awful with him. We went up together and he had locked us out.

DD was happy to stay with Daddy but the boys weren't. I told him to get out but he didn't. We got in and DH called DSS and he didn't want to go. DSS was upset and shaking. DH then flew into his room really scaring him and said I couldn't take him anywhere. We have been together 9 years.

I love DH but I want opinions. I took DS and DSS out while he calmed down but now he says he's sorry and I don't feel it's enough especially as I'm not convinced he means it

OP posts:
Oldraver · 25/06/2016 23:58

Your DH is drunk and has been violent to your DS and you. I would be calling the police

Pico2 · 25/06/2016 23:59

I'm sorry you're having a shit time. Have you considered leaving? Violence towards you and the DC seems to me to be a very clear line that he has crossed?

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 26/06/2016 00:00

So he got drunk, wound them up, hit 2 of them, pushed you, locked you out, made his own children scared of him!

Call the police. He has been violent. He is a prick to behave like that towards his children.

PatriciaHolm · 26/06/2016 00:00

He's abused you and them physically and verbally. Your poor kids.

AlpacaLypse · 26/06/2016 00:04

Sorry, can't completely make out your post, I think you've understandably bogged up the punctuation and spelling. However - sounds like your H is pissed, not for the first time, and has successfully upset you and at least some of your mutual children.

Long conversation in the morning when he's sober enough to understand it.

And if you tell him that if it happens again, you and the children will be chucking him out, follow through.

Pinkheart5915 · 26/06/2016 00:04

your drunk DH was trying to wind up children then hurt your ds Hmm he sounds fantastic! IMO if he was that drunk he shouldn't of been around the children anyway.

you love your DH but want opinions? I love my DH but If my DH ever hurt our ds he would be gone in no way acceptable.

Scottishchick39 · 26/06/2016 00:05

Your DH hit your DS and you seriously want our opinions on what you should do? Reporting him to the police would be a good start. He needs to realise what he has done is wrong.

MyKingdomForBrie · 26/06/2016 00:06

He hit his son in the face? I'd be calling police on him.

Sparklesilverglitter · 26/06/2016 00:10

you love DH and want opinions Well his wound the children up while drunk and hit your ds what do you think you should do as ds Mum?

Report him to the police and tell him to fuck off! Hitting a child while drunk pretty low IMO

HackAttack · 26/06/2016 00:11

You realise if the children tell anyone what happened and you've done nothing then you've failed to protect them. Stop messing about and call the police. Poor kids

amy85 · 26/06/2016 00:11

He is drunk and argumentative and hit your son in the face and then you left your dd in his care?!??

bloodyteenagers · 26/06/2016 00:15

He was violent. He should be arrested. If you don't call the police them you are complacent in your children being abused. You should be protecting them. They aren't ever going to thank you for sitting by and doing nothing.

So get off here and phone the police.

Leave it too late and that option will be taken away when an innocent question is asked at school.
"So what did you do at the weekend?"
You think none of the children will say anything?
You think the school will sit waivering, flapping asking ooh what to do?
Nope. A call will be made.

Think about it. Might be harsh. Might be not what you want to hear. But this is what my answer is.

KittyLaRoux · 26/06/2016 00:18

Regardless of how much you love him you have to be the adult.
You have to protect the children he finds so easy to abuse. They love him regardless don't take their love for him as an excuse for his behaviour.
Please do not let hour love for him cloud your judgement.

Tell DSs mum what has happened, she needs to know her child is not safe with him. Then remove your children and yourself from harm.

Loving caring good fathers and partners do not treat you this way. Do not show the children this behaviour is normal or acceptable. It isn't. No matter how much you love him.

Lurkedforever1 · 26/06/2016 00:21

Honestly, I have more knowledge than I'd like of why you might not see why this is an abusive relationship, or if you do see it, why you might still tolerate it for yourself. I get that, I really do.

But there is no excuse for allowing your child to be abused. Because that's what it is. Ring the police, if not for you, for your dc. You owe them it, regardless of how numb you've become to being treated that way yourself.

WellIGuessThisIsGrowingUp · 26/06/2016 00:21

Has he done anything like this before?

hotdiggedy · 26/06/2016 00:24

You love someone who acts like that???

Lurkedforever1 · 26/06/2016 00:27

And bollocks to you loving the cunt. Love your abuser all you like, I empathise. But as a mother your emotions should be firmly in the 'he hurt my child, kill the cunt and piss on his grave' camp.

You can't possibly love him more than your dc, so get rid. Now, this minute.

hotdiggedy · 26/06/2016 00:30

Is your SS mother on the scene? Is she reliable?

Reapwhatyousow · 26/06/2016 00:31

Lots of good advice here OP. Regardless of what you say to DH tomorrow please make an appointment with your GP. Confide what you have told us, it is then on record should things escalate and is evidence without getting the police involved at this stage ifyswim. Don't be afraid to do this, they hear it.

ceridwyn · 26/06/2016 00:34

Please get help.

If you don't want to call the police, speak to someone, anyone. Your children's school might be the best place as they will support you and support your children.

If you call the police the children will have to make a statement to them without you or your husband present.

If you talk to the school, the children can make a statement with a trusted teacher sitting in.

JudyCoolibar · 26/06/2016 00:53

Contact the NSPCC about the attacks on the children as soon as you can, and go and see a solicitor who specialises in family law and offers legal aid first thing on Monday morning. You need to protect the children, and you need to do it quickly otherwise you will be seen to be condoning this conduct.

HermioneJeanGranger · 26/06/2016 08:49

He hit his son in the face and you're asking what to do? Really?

pearlylum · 26/06/2016 08:58

Police immediately.

Princesspinkgirl · 26/06/2016 11:16

Call woman's aid and take the Children and go

SENPARENT · 26/06/2016 13:23

This is the website:

www.womensaid.org.uk/

This is the Freephone 24 hr National Domestic Violence Helpline:

0808 2000 247

Ring them for your children's sake. NOW.