AIBUU to think parents should at the very least have a word with their child for unacceptable behaviour

[GetAmoveOnAdults]

I took my son, 4 years old, to a birthday party. There were other children there that he knew from his nursery including the birthday boy.
There were other children there as well. There were a few children not taking part in the entertainment even though the entertainer was trying to get their attention. Including this bit to paint a full picture. Of those children, one child was pulling the table cloth off almost bringing the cake to the floor. Running off with the presents. Playing with the breadsticks that was in a jar for everyone, and throwing it all over the floor.
When it was time for the food, he sat next to my son and kept putting his rejected food on my son's plate.
My son showed me the bits of food, I said to the child, please don't put your food on son's plate.
He did it three times. I then said to him you don't put food you don't want on someone else's plate. Please can you put it to the side of your plate. His mum then whispered into his ear.
Then he put his drink on my son's plate. I removed it and the mum asked if that's someone's drink. I politely said yes, it belongs to him and pointed to her son.
There was a tub of dip to share and when my son dipped into it, kid kept moving it out of reach and shouting 'no' in my son's face.
I then served up a bit on my son's plate to diffuse the situation.
The last incident, towards the end of the party the kid grabbed the balloon my son had away from him. The mum didn't say anything to her kid, let him take the balloon of my son and then gave my son another balloon that was on the floor.

I wouldn't let my dc carry on like that but it's all relative. To them that's ok behaviour. Maybe it was good for him.

All sounds quite standard for children this young. Perhaps their parents weren't there or just thought it was all excitement and high spirits. My daughter has ASD and can be a bit like this. It's exhausting hovering over her the whole time. Sometimes I let her get on with it within reason.

I wonder if at home this child puts unwanted food onto his parents plate. Maybe he was just repeating behaviour that's acceptable at home. It's still not nice tho and yes I think the parents should have spoken to him. Isn't that why the parents stay at parties for children of this age - to monitor their behaviour as well as making sure they are ok?
Different parenting styles I guess - his parents obviously thought their dc was ok. Use it to your advantage and explain to your dc that that's not how to behave. He will meet with worse behaviour when he gets to school!

Mine has asd also which means he needs reigning the fuck in more than a kid his age. There is no way I would allow him to behave like that! There are no excuses for lazy parenting outlined in the OP.

I wouldn't have accepted that from mine when she was 2, let alone 4. Yes normal to some extent for kids that age but absolutely this is where parents need to step in and model appropriate behaviour. I would have been mortified if DD was behaving like that (she's 3). The don't know all the social rules and conventions at that age, it's up to us to show them so they can learn.

FWIW, I very much choose my battles and am pretty laid back with DD. But that doesn't mean I let her do what she wants without consequence; if her behaviour was impacting on another child I would absolutely step in and explain to her, and eventually remove her if need be.

Thanks for the responses and different views.

Not joining in with the entertainment wouldn't bother me, my kids hate that sort of thing as they're easily overwhelmed and quite shy. As long as they are not disruptive I would let them get on with it.

The food thing is something I wouldn't really allow, but equally isn't that badly behaved.

A bit that you are so fussy about food going on.your sons plate yet let him dip his food in.the dip that was for everyone rather than taking some for himself! I think by hovering over your ds you are preventing him from sorting relatively minor issues out himself. If he didn't want food on his plate for,eg could he not have told the other child himself/moved away. They may well have been trying to share! As for.the balloon maybe the other child.had.it before your son? A relatively minor.incident really the type of which kids will successfully deal with on the playground daily without an.adult having to step in,at all.

I don't think that is standard behaviour at that age, actually. YANBU OP and you aren't being fussy about not wanting someone else's half chewed food on your son's plate. You wouldn't expect an adult to put up with that.

I do agree with a PP though in that this may have been relatively fairly good behaviour from the other boy. The poor mum may have just been shattered too.