Niece is coming to stay for week and her mother has not contacted me since she stayed last year?

[Inafogtoday]

My dh's brother's daughter is due to arrive on Sunday. I'm a sahm and basically I was told via my husband when she was coming. The child is nice and my children look forward to her visiting. My problem is that my dad was diagnosed with cancer, needed very serious surgery in the recent past and requires chemotherapy. My dh's brother once called me to see how he was doing but his wife has not lifted the phone to call me nor found the time nor interest to text me since she found out six months ago. I had my d niece to stay last year too. I wouldn't dream of sending any of my children anywhere without speaking to the person in charge of looking after them first. Aibu to expect more respect?

It is basic common courtesy to keep in touch with family - even if you didn't get on!

I wouldn't let my child somewhere that I wasn't close with the person in charge

I'm sorry about your father being ill. She probably thinks her husband talking to your husband is sufficient. They clearly talk to each other & have arranged this trip after all. I haven't heard, nor did I expect to hear from either of my sils when my dad had a heart attack - they have their own families to worry about.

Sadly not everyone's manners are the same. However, it might just be that your DH's brother's wife doesn't know HOW to approach the subject of your DF's diagnosis. Some people really struggle with that side of things and topics concerning illness, even if they are closely related family. It does seem a bit off and I am not excusing the overall behaviour of your sister-in-law but maybe put this aside as you clearly operate as a much more thoughtful person that she does. Have a nice time with your niece and best wishes for your DF's continued recovery.

I suppose that is another aspect of it BigGreenOlives, my husband has been in contact with his brother about it. I suppose if it were my dh at home and I worked outside the home I wouldn't expect my dh to look after my sister's child without proper discussion. I just would not send any of my children off to another person for a week without discussing things with them first.

I will enjoy her visit. I've planned lots of nice things to do with her. I'm just thinking ahead to how she's going to communicate with her mother. How odd to have not spoken and then all of a sudden to speak daily and report on how d niece is doing.

And just to clarify I didn't feel like we didn't get along until very recently. Last year I had my d niece stay on her own for a week, followed quickly after but their entire family for a week's holiday. I have sent birthday presents and cards which have been ignored but we did exchange christmas gifts. Around Christmas my dad was diagnosed and haven't had much time to think about it since. I suppose i just feel very much taken for granted.

I'm not surprised you feel taking for granted, they sound V rude!!

I don't know, she is, after all, your husband's brother's wife, which is not a very close connection-I probably wouldn't be too bothered with her apparent lack of interest.

I would still want to host their daughter, though, to foster her relationship with my kids.

My family tends to be a bit relaxed/lackadaisical about these things, though, and we are very slow to take offense and quick to forgive. We just find that easier.

Best wishes to your Dad.

I agree with some days that your sister in law probably does not know how to mention your fathers illness, and maybe she did not contact you about your niece's visit because she trusts you.

Perhaps she thought you'd take offence if she discussed her daughters visit because you'd think it implied you do not know how to look after children

Hello OP sorry about your dad being ill. I don't think you should take it badly niece's mum not being in touch. We have family to stay and stay at family members without much contact before and after. It's just life being busy. As others has said, she probably feels her husband speaks for them both.

This visit is about your DN and not her rude and uninterested parents. Enjoy her stay and hopefully her good manners will rub off on her parents.

She's being rude. Something similar happened with my sil when my father got sick. Ive cut her off completely. Rude cow. But then I've never gotten along with her. If this was me i wouldnt do the daily reporting. I'd get my husband to speak to his brother about it